The divination commission has hired a new jade abacus engineer to maintain their Matrix of Prescience, a new maintainer. As a reward for doing a great first job, Fu Xuan decides to give him a divination, but the divination goes awry as the vision it...
The clack of the wooden tiles against the Celestial Jade table was deafening. I could feel Qingque's fury.
Her emerald green eyes were upturned, eyebrows furrowed in a glare. Her fingers were tense as she drew a tile.
"Y'know, maintainer, I haven't been given any work these past couple days..."
I raise my gaze up to look at her, lifting a curious brow,
That's odd. Normally you'd be over the moon. Something wrong?
"...Tch."
Her frown was now a full grimace. I went to take a sip of my coffee when-
"Maintainer, how do you feel about Fu? Be honest."
!!
The question caught me by surprise, I nearly spat out my coffee.
I- She-... I respect diviner Fu a lot. She's already incredibly beautiful, but when she's divining, she's just so graceful and... perfect.
I truly did think that. I love her form, the way her pink hair twinkles, her golden eyes. She's a goddess, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Qingque's expression softened into a sort of pout,
"But that's the problem isn't it!? Ugh..."
She slouched onto the Celestial Jade table, exasperated,
Problem?
"Look, I never look forward to seeing Fu, but I've worked with her long enough to know that: if she's not breathing down my neck with work, something is incredibly wrong. "
She looked straight into my eyes, lecturing me.
"When she's down, she locks herself away in her office and deals with all the work that she'd usually dump on to me, by herself. She'd barely eat, drink or sleep, and she wouldn't talk to anyone. It'd go on until general Jing Yuan or the Healer Lady dragged her out and slapped some sense into her."
...I didn't know that about the diviner.
"During the only time it ever happened since I began working at the commission, I went to her office to check what was up. I knocked on the door and asked if I could come in. She was in her pajamas, hair undone, ruffled up and messy. It was horrible. Fu Xuan, once she loses it, she really loses it man."
...
I didn't know what to say. Is she cooped up like that right now?
"Your precious diviner Fu Xuan has flaws too y'know."
Well, yea-
"I understand at least some of what she's feeling right now..."
-anyone does. She interrupted me.
"You knew didn't you? Fu was trying to show you that part of her, to get you to see her as more than just 'the master diviner.' "
I stayed silent. I guess I did know, but I didn't know how to deal with it. I
Qingque sunk back into her chair and lifted her cup of tea.
"I'm nowhere near as talented as Fu, but growing up as a somewhat skilled apprentice diviner, you get a lot of people befriending you for just your talent. That's half the reason why I hate standing out at work. I can only barely begin to imagine what Fu went through growing up..."
Her eyes were solemn, staring at the swirling tea in her cup until she looked back up, eyes locked to mine,
"So surely, you can understand how much it hurt her when she tried opening up to you, only to be rejected, right?"
Her voice quivered, irritated. My gaze shifted to my feet. Making eye contact... hurt.
"...and it wasn't just her y'know. When you called me diviner Qingque, it drudged up some bad memories. "
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Her teary eyes threatened to weep.
...I'm sorry.
"I- I'm not the one you should be apologizing to, maintainer."
Her voice was trembling.
I couldn't say anything. I had nothing to say: no excuses, no reasoning, nothing. My mouth stayed closed, glued by guilt.
Why didn't I accept diviner- ... Why didn't I accept Fu's invitation in the first place I wonder. Saying I didn't realize would be just an excuse.
Why must I suck so much at empathizing?! It's always like this.
Fu...
I stood up from my seat. This time, I'll make things right.
