in every timeline (satosugu oneshots)

staying and going

Summary:

Satoru Gojo finally gets to decide what he wants...except now his one and only is bleeding out in front of him...and he can't help but do what needs to be done...

TW:

None, other than angst.

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Satoru wasn't sure what to do.

Suguru hates making decisions even though he's made all of them for them both up until this point.

Suguru chose to leave Satoru behind.

Suguru chose to become a murderer.

Suguru chose to start a cult.

Suguru chose to start a family.

All without Satoru.

But now, standing before Suguru as he bleeds out in an alleyway, Satoru isn't sure what he wants.

He knows what he should do.

What he has to do.

But he doesn't know what he wants.

He never has.

Suguru never gave him the chance to figure it out.

Suguru has made all of their choices for them.

It's infuriating.

"It's okay," Suguru sputters from his spot on the ground, clenching one bloody fist around his right shoulder. He's missing an arm. "You can kill me if you want."

Satoru hates the way Suguru smiles so easily at him like he still loves him and cares about what Satoru even does want.

"Do you even know what I want? What I wanted ?" He whispers icily as he crouches next to Suguru, blue eyes flashing. " Do you even fucking care? "

"Of course I do."

" Liar ."

Suguru looks slightly shocked at the malice held in Satoru's tone; he's never truly been on the receiving end of it before. "You're right, I don't know what you want...what you wanted."

"What I wanted, more than anything, was you."

The air hangs thick with the lingering death before them and all the unsaid words over the last ten years.

Satoru swallows once before adding, "All I ever wanted was you, Suguru. But you took that from me– you took you from me. And I've been left with this ghost of a life ever since."

The air between them is stagnant.

One waiting on the other to break the silence that folds over both of their hearts like a gentle yet agonizingly devastating wave.

The type of wave that pulls one under and leaves a person gasping for air when their head eventually breaks the surface of the water.

But the surface does break.

Satoru does get another breath of air.

Satoru decides what he wants, finally, after ten years. "I'll stay."

Dark brown eyes search blazing blue ones, looking for any sign of doubt and finding none.

Suguru resigns with a sorrowful sigh, averting his gaze toward the slowly setting sun. "Guess that means I'll go."

"You go," Satoru nods once, tears threatening to pool in his eyes. He blinks them away furiously. "And I'll stay."

Every sunset following this one will taste of Suguru and his heart.

Satoru won't ever know if he made the right call, but he tries to tell himself it was for the better.

He tries to remind himself that Suguru finally asked him what he wanted, and at the end of the day–

Satoru wanted it to be over.

He wants to feel peace and quiet and not have this lingering, festering thing inside of him that longs for someone who has never wanted him first. Suguru never wanted him like Satoru wanted Suguru. And bearing that burden alone was finally too much.

Suguru was going to be sentenced to death whether it came from Satoru's own hands or not.

But one thing he's making sure of is to cremate Suguru's body this time.

His six eyes told him to make sure of it, because in other timelines–

Suguru's body comes back.

Satoru won't have the strength to get rid of his one and only a second time; he won't be able to bear this weight again.

So it's for the better, Satoru reminds himself as he walks out of the funeral home where Suguru's ashes are now being gathered,

I know that this was for the better.