The Phoenix Society

Chapter 19

Blood. That was all I saw. Riders body stood, slumped over as blood poured out of his neck and pooled beneath his feet. When it first happened, Rider stood gasping for air, but quickly stopped as the life left his body. He killed him. Rider was dead. And it was all my fault.

I watched in horror as Jared continued to slice his trident through Riders already dead body. And I couldn't do anything but sit back and watch. Bile rose in my stomach as I watched Riders blood splatter across Jared's face. The crowd around me cheered louder each time Jared sliced Rider.

I stood up abruptly as guilt and panic sourced through my body. I couldn't sit here any longer and watch Rider get mutilated all because of me. I moved through the cheering crowd, thankful they were too engrossed in the scene before them. I had to get out of here before I lost it in front of everyone and exposed our presence. I ignored Banks' calls after me as I quickly maneuvered out of the row.

I closed my eyes as I leaned back against the cool, cement wall, in the entry tunnel. I took a deep breath in...and let it out as I tried to calm my panic-stricken body. It was all too much. Killing innocent people, that was the whole reason I left the Phoenix Society in the first place. And here I was, supposed to watch the killing take place. I heard the crowd cheer in the distance as something exciting happened in the arena making the sick feeling grow even more.

"Kya?" I heard Banks voice echo as he entered the now empty tunnel. My eyes opened as I saw him making his way toward me. "Are you okay?"

"I couldn't watch it anymore. What they were doing to him..." I trailed off, my gaze traveling to the ground. I couldn't look at Banks. My gaze filled with unshed tears as the image of Riders lifeless body, hanging from the column, replayed. It was all my fault...it was all my fault.

"Look at me." Banks spoke softly. I didn't move. I didn't want him to see how weak I was in this moment. "Kya, look at me."

My gaze didn't move. Instead, it was trained on the slightly scuffed boots Banks wore. I felt a tear spill over, running down my cheek. I quickly brought my trembling hand up wiping it away. It was bad enough I was out here hiding away, but I did not need Banks to see me cry...again. Banks reached his hand up, placing his thumb on my chin. Gently, he pulled my head up, forcing my eyes to meet his.

"You are not to blame for his death." Banks' light blue eyes were concerned as they bore into mine. His hand held my head as he spoke. "This is not your fault."

I looked up at him as another tear spilled over, "Banks, this is all my fault."

Banks brushed his thumb across my cheek wiping away the fallen tear. "Did you kill him?"

"I might as well have."

"Were you in the arena? Did you physically slice Riders throat." Banks questioned, his eyes never leaving mine.

I shook my head.

"This is not your fault." Banks repeated.

"If we hadn't gone to see him...if I hadn't suggested..." I spoke my mind tracing back to the day in Sector 4. Rider had looked so scared. They had forced him to talk to them. If they had just left him alone...

"Then I am just as much to blame for his death." Banks said, realizing his tactic wasn't working. I looked up at him confused. "I was there, I talked to Rider, I agreed to go to Sector 4 to find him. If we are blaming people, then I am just as much to blame as you are." I rolled my eyes breaking away from Banks. "We can't change what happened. We can only move forward."

"I can't go back in there." I told Banks quietly. I could not bring myself to watch another fight. I barely made it through the first one. Banks nodded understandingly.