The Phoenix Society

Chapter 28

A killer!

A murderer!

Lillian's words replayed in my head in a never-ending loop. I wanted to claw my ears out, to jab my eyes out. Anything to get the ringing of her voice out of my head. I leaned against the piano. My head rested on my left arm as my eyes stared at my feet, my right arm dangling beside me. My body was shaking with anger. Tears streamed down my cheeks, dripping onto the tops of my shoes. I was so...angry. Not that Lillian found out about Monroe, or because she called me a killer. Because both statements were true. I wasn't even mad that she basically told the whole world. I didn't care about that. If I'm being honest, I had assumed all the assassins already knew. No. I was angry with how I reacted. I let Lillian get to me. I shouldn't have fought her. Not only did I let myself down. But I let Laken down as well.

I brought my dangling arm up, resting it on the piano. A loud clang filled the room, sending a ringing sensation through my ear. I'm so angry. I'm angry at Monroe. I'm angry about who he turned me into and what I did. I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at this whole situation I was in.

He's your father...

I pounded my hand against the piano once more. My mother is probably rolling in her grave right now at how hard I was hitting the instrument. Ugh. My mother. I was angry at her for dying...I picked my finger up, then pressed down on a different key. The vibrations of the piano filled my ear, drowning out my angry, frustrated tears. While I'm sure whatever notes I was playing – C, C sharp, D, D sharp, E, F – sounded awful together, in this moment, I didn't care. All I cared about was how it was making me feel. And to be honest, the cacophony of notes seemed to dull my anger, giving me something else to focus on.

"Kya?" A small voice entered the room, startling me out of me trance like state. I lifted my head as Laken walked over to me. His face looked worried as his small features were scrunched together into a frown. Quickly, I wiped any remnants of tears from my face, forcing my problems into the back of my mind, and painting a smile onto my face. Whatever I was feeling right now needed to be put aside. Laken didn't need to see me this way. No one did. I deserved to feel this way. I was a monster.

"Are you okay?" He asked quietly.

I nodded. "Of course, I am."

His eyes trailed over my face, which I'm sure was already bruising from Lillian. He knew I was lying. And while he wasn't in the training room when the incident occurred, news travels fast and I'm sure he heard what happened.

"Why'd she hit you?" Laken asked as he slid onto the piano bench beside me. I sighed, pausing for a moment, as I contemplated how much to tell him. My problems did not need to be his problems.

"Sometimes trusting someone you don't know is hard." I told him thoughtfully. My mind immediately went to how hard it was for me to trust Banks and Elias when they first brought me here. "You don't know where they came from or what their story is. And when you are forced into a space with them where you have to trust them, it can be hard. Especially when the people you care about are involved." Lillian was just trying to protect the people she loves...I can't fault her for that. "She found out Monroe was our father. She found out what I did."

Laken's face fell as I said the last part and my heart felt for him. I didn't need to say anymore. Laken already knew what I was talking about. He was there. It was the event that caused me to abandon him. When it all came down to it, our father was the root of all our problems. We wouldn't be in this mess, or any mess for that matter, if my father had just left us alone.

"Its not our fault." Laken said quietly. He sniffled, his eyes staring intently at his shirt in hopes of hiding his tears. "Its not your fault."

"I know its not, Lake." I told him as I wrapped my arm around him, pulling him close to me. He snuggled his head into my chest as his breathing quickened. I felt my shirt dampen as Laken's sobs grew harder. I ran my hand through his hair softly as I let him cry. I'm sure he felt the same burden I did when it came to our father. He's the man responsible for all this death around us, and we couldn't even stop him. "It's not our fault, Laken." I repeated, more so for myself this time. I wish I would have realized sooner what Monroe was doing. I wish I could have stopped him sooner. I wish I could have gotten away from him sooner and found someone who could help. But I didn't and now I have to pay the price. And I will for the rest of my life.