A Dream Coming True

Chapter 12

August 23rd 2022

I knew this day would come. It happened every year. Every year I had to go back and see what was left of him.

Lila hasn't answered my text. Maybe I scared her, maybe she was checking if she could come, I didn't really care. All I wanted was to have her next to me. I needed to feel her in my arms because I needed her support. This weekend was one of the hardest for me.

Someone knocked at my door. It was weird, I wasn't expecting anyone. For a second I hoped if would be Lila but it was a stupid thought. She couldn't have made it from Paris to here in less than three hours without making a reservation.

"Charles ?"

"Hey."

"What are you doing here ?"

"Lila wanted me to see you."

"Why ?"

I got scared. What if she told him to tell me she didn't to spend time with me anymore ? That I did something bad ?

"She didn't want you to stay alone tonight."

Really ? She really wanted that ? Then why hadn't she answered me yet ?

"You're sure that's not an excuse and you wanted to see me."

"She texted Charlotte before we took our flight. And I wanted to see you too." he admitted.

"Charles, I'm okay. You don't have to worry for me."

He didn't listen to me. He came in and sat on the bed.

"Look, I miss Anthoine too. And I know I wasn't close to him comparing to you but I know how it feels."

"Charles, I really don't want to talk about this tonight."

"But we have to. Because Friday we'll have to go back there. I don't want you to do anything stupid because you won't be focused."

"I'll be careful, I always am."

And he was too. But that didn't stop him from dying.

"I miss them so much it hurts sometimes."

I wasn't the only one to be sad. Charles had lost his mentor and close friend Jules Bianchi a few years ago too. And after that he lost Anthoine.

"Me too man."

He started crying. God, this was hard. I didn't want to think about this, but now that I saw my best friend crying over our friends' death, it broke something inside of me. Tears started to form in my eyes.

I sat next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.

"Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with the world, you know ? I wonder why it had to happen to them. They were angels, never did anything wrong. They deserved the best." he said and sobbed.

"I remember wishing it was me at their place. I wished I could have died and Anthoine could still be here. He even told me he wanted to propose to Julie. And I- I-," My voice started to shake and the tears were storming out of my eyes. "He never got the chance to do it Charles. He was about to propose and he never got the chance to do it. I wish I died so that they could have their happy ending. He deserved it more than anyone. He deserved it more than me."

It felt good to say all those things out loud. Because I meant every word I said. And I think I needed to say them for a while now.

"I don't deserve my seat at Ferrari. It was supposed to be Jules'. I am a fraud. He deserved it better than me. It becomes harder for me to see his parents because every time I see them, I see him. He's everywhere. And I thought the pain would go away with some time, but it doesn't. I can't go back to Japan, Pierre. I can't go back there and see the place he died. I'm scared I won't be strong enough."

I hugged him, it was all I could think of. We were both broken in some way but we knew we still had each other. The pain of losing loved ones will never go away, we just had to live with it. And we needed the support of the other one.

"We're going to be okay." he said.

"As long as we have each other."

"I love you brother."

"Me too, man."

We were just two broken souls, seeking for help before drowning in our pain.

Charles stayed a bit but eventually had to go back to his hotel to sleep. I prayed for my angel and got in my bed. It wasn't until I had almost closed my eyes that I received a text.

lilaprost : My train arrives tomorrow at 10 a.m.

She was coming. She wasn't abandoning me. I wouldn't be alone for the race. She could never understand how much it meant to me.

~~~

The morning after, I was waiting at the train station with two coffees and two donuts. I assumed she would be tired and hungry. Her train was a bit late so I waited in the car.

I heard two knocks at my window and saw her, shining like always. She had put up her hair in a ponytail and was wearing a beautiful dress with flowers everywhere.

"How are you ?" she asked.

I didn't want to see this in her eyes, pity. Everyone was already worried about me but I just needed someone to act normal with me.

"Don't worry for me, angel. I'm okay."

"Okay," she said but I knew that she didn't believe me. Hopefully she didn't ask for more. "So, what do we do today, chef ?"

I laughed a bit. She was trying to get rid of the tension in the car.

"First of all, don't call me that. I'll be your touristic guide today. And we start with the Domaine de Bérinzenne. There's a museum, forests and some interesting spots."

"Ah bon ?"

"Et oui. Maintenant en route ma chère, on a un peu de route et beaucoup de choses à faire."

"A vos ordres mon général."

The day passed really fast. We visited the museum, ate in a cosy restaurant. I even found the best spot for her. She could take a picture for her count with a beautiful view.

I was scared -no, terrified- about tomorrow and the rest of the week. But at the moment when I saw Lila smiling at me with this spark in her eyes, I felt like the bravest man on earth.