A Dream Coming True

Chapter 13

August 25th 2022

I hadn't slept last night. I couldn't stop thinking about how Pierre must feel. I felt helpless, there was nothing I could do to help except being there for him. And I was ready to do that. 

Or at least I hoped I was strong enough to do that.

I got dressed feeling a bit anxious and went to his room. He opened the door for me and let me come in.

"Hey. How do you feel ?" I asked.

"I feel, I don't know, empty."

His eyes were puffy and I felt guilty. If I had stayed with him last night, I could have prevent it or help him.

Stupid me.

I put my hand on his cheek in order to caress it but froze immediately. What was I doing ? I was... flirting with him ? Gosh I was so stupid. He wasn't in the mood to flirt for God's sake, he was mourning his friend.

I was about to take it off but to my surprise, he leaned against it.

His cheek was soft despite his three-day beard. His eyes were closed and he looked like a scared child. And I realized that he was. I was in front of twenty-three-year-old Pierre who just lost his friend and didn't know how to deal with it.

"What are you doing today ?"

My thumb was slowly caressing his cheek, like it was something normal.

"I don't know." 

"I think you should go see him. Maybe it'll help you feel better."

"Maybe." he whispered.

He was suffering, but I wanted him to know I was there. I could be the support he needed.

"Come here."

I rolled my arms around his neck and brought him closer to me. I wanted, needed him to be the closest possible. And I liked to think he needed this too. He put his head in the crook of my neck, absorbing my scent. I couldn't breathe because of how tight his arms were around my waist, blocking me from everything unless him.

"Pierre ?"

That's when I started to hear him sobbing. My shirt was getting wet and the sound of this broken man in my arms broke my heart.

"It's okay. Stop holding back. Let it out."

His cries got harder and louder.

"I'm here, okay ? You don't have to stay strong with me."

"I'm sorry." 

He kept saying it over and over, until it was barely a whisper.

Pierre was my friend, and I hated to see him like this.

"Hey, look at me."

I took his face in my hands. His eyes were red and he seemed ashamed. He couldn't even look at me in the eyes.

"Pierre, look at me." He did. "You don't have to be ashamed. I'm your friend, alright ? I won't judge you. I don't know how you feel because I'm not in your position but I'm here for you. And I know you miss him but I'm sure your angel is looking out for you."

We just look at each other in the eyes until he stepped back. I must admit that I missed the sensation of his beard on my hands, of his arms around my waist.

"Would you come with me to the track ? I don't want to go there alone."

He seemed so vulnerable, his hands were almost shaking and his jaw was tensed. I had promised myself that I'd be with him all weekend, I wasn't going to break that promise.

"I'd love to."

He took my hand and we left the hotel.

~~~

The track was less impressive that I thought. Maybe it was because of the context, but I wanted to be anywhere but there.

I had helped him pick flowers, white roses. Apparently, it was Anthoine's favorite. 

We started to walk down the track and each step made him more nervous, I could sense it. So I took his hand, intertwined our fingers and caressed the back of his hand with my thumb. He relaxed a bit but I knew he was still anxious.

His feet suddenly stopped and I knew we had arrived. The Eau Rouge turn. I looked at Pierre, but his gaze was empty, focused on the horizon.

"Pierre ?" I asked whispering because I was too scared of speaking out loud.

"His car crashed here." he murmured, his voice breaking.

"It's okay."

But it wasn't.

This images flashed in my mind. The accident. My reaction on tv. The tribute. Seb calling me. Charles winning the race after.

I pushed these thoughts away and accompanied him to put the flowers down.

"I don't know what to say to him." 

"Talk with your heart. Tell him what you always wanted to tell him but never had the chance to."

I took a step back and let him talk to his friend in silence. But the thoughts kept coming back. I saw Anthoine, putting a hand on Pierre's shoulder in order to comfort him, smiling sadly but still like an angel.

And I saw him. Ayrton. He was there, looking at me. His face, expressionless, and his look made me want to throw up. He tried to touch me with his hand but I stepped back with tears in my eyes.

It was too much. I couldn't handle this anymore.

My chest tightened, my hands started shaking, my eyes were full of tears. I felt like my heart could explode at any moment.

So I did the only thing I thought of.

I ran as fast as I could far away from there.

Away from Pierre.

Away from him.

~~~

Hey ! I'm so sorry for not uploading this chapter last week but I was at a take-off party from a course I'm doing this year. I still hope you'll like it.