Lila Prost, daughter of the legendary Formula 1 pilot Alain Prost, told herself she would never fall in love with another pilot after the terrible accident of her father's best friend, Ayrton Senna. But when she accompanies her father to a Grand Pri...
Bruno was only ten when Ayrton died. Just like my dad, he saw the crash on live from the paddock, only a few meters away from him. A traumatic event for a kid, seeing his idol die in front of you by doing the thing he was the best at. And as if not enough, Bruno lost his father two years later in a motorcycle accident.
This made him stop his wish to become a pilot for a while but when your last name is Senna, racing is in your DNA. His family was against it but after eight years, they saw it was his passion and what made him really happy.
Bruno was thirty-eight now and and a racing driver in Brazil. He went in Formula 1 twelve years ago for three seasons but it was pretty hard for him. I think it was because there was always a part of him scared because of his trauma.
Then he went to Formula E but stopped five years ago to come back to his family. His mom was reassured and he was too.
Ayrton never had a biological child, but if I listen to the stories my dad used to tell me, Bruno was like his own. And I think Bruno saw Ayrton as a second father more than a mentor too.
This is why my father wanted to come visit him every year to honor his memory.
"How are you Bruno ?" he asked once we entered the house.
"Good, good. How was the flight ?"
"My shoulder hurts because someone's head was resting on it." he said to me with a smirk.
"Hey ! At least I wasn't the one snoring !"
"Petite peste." He put his hand on my head, ruffling my hair. "If you want one advice from one man to another Bruno, never have children, especially girls."
"He says that but he doesn't know what he would do without me in his life."
"I have a few ideas."
"See ? I'm the sunshine of his life."
I gave him a big smile and Bruno laughed it off.
"I forgot how exhausting you were Lila."
"How dare you ! I came all this way for you and this is how you thank me ?"
He smiled and took me in his arms for a hug.
That's how it is with Bruno. I consider him as a cousin, which I don't see often but when I do it's one of the best feeling in the world.
"You know the way to your rooms ?"
"Like the back of my hand."
"Which means she forgot." stated my dad.
"I wonder why I still talk to you, old man." I said before heading to my room.
Same as always. A simple room with enough space for me to feel comfortable. A picture of my dad and Ayrton hanging on the wall and a few polaroids of Bruno and I growing up.
My heart arched a bit when I look at Ayrton's eyes and I immediately thought of Pierre. We were getting closer, I was finally showing him my weaknesses but reality was coming back. Pierre was a pilot and I still had my problems.
When you saw what racing could do to a family, you weren't the biggest fan of dating someone in this sport. I felt a knot in my stomach thinking about our kiss.
I needed to clear my head. Because if I didn't, I would do something I didn't want to do.
"Is it time to leave ?" I asked my dad.
Every time we come, we go to the same place.
Cemitério Parque Morumby
His grave.
My dad nodded with difficulty. I knew this was hard for him and I wanted to be there to support him. I rushed into his arms and held him tight.
"What's that for ?"
"You're the best, and I know I don't say it enough but I love you. A lot."
"I love you too ma puce. You're the best thing that happened to me."
I can feel the tears rolling down my cheeks but I could care less about it.
"Let's go."
Bruno arrived and soon after we left for the cemetery.
~~~
I saw his name written on the stone, Ayrton Senna da Silva, with the little sentence, Nada pode me separar do amor de Deus. Nothing can separate me from the love of God. This made me want to laugh. Which God ? God had let you down Ayrton, He let down your family, your friends. In your case, I didn't believe in any God. Because I didn't want to hate Him for letting you down.
The pain had become a part of me and if I was tired of it. It was a weight on my shoulders, only disappearing when Pierre was here.
Bruno had gotten flowers. They were taking a walk but once I saw his grave, I was mesmerized by it. It was all I could see.
I put the flowers down carefully to not hide your name. I wanted to talk to you, but what could I say ? We never met, and even if I knew you were watching from the sky were you proud of me ? Did you think I had become the best version of myself ? I didn't have to ask you if you were watching my dad because I knew you were. Of course you were. That's what you did. Take care of the people you cared about. But I wasn't that strong. And my feelings for Pierre were taking more space in my heart.
What was I supposed to do ? The last thing I wanted in my life was to be scared every week when my boyfriend would go in his car. I didn't want to have panic attacks at every accident happening, holding my breath until I was sure he was okay. It wouldn't be fair to him.
I looked at the sky, wishing for an answer.
Nothing. You couldn't help me.
I didn't hear someone coming next to me.
"He used to said that you have to grab every opportunity you can and if not, you're not living at all." he said.
I turned my head and smiled at Bruno before looking at the sky again.
So that's what you would have done. Then it was what I should do.
~~~
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