Love Like In The Books

Chapter Four

Sarah Green

There's this thing about humans; we pretend more than we actually feel. We mask emotions and faces that we don't even feel and know until those masks have been glued to the one we really were once upon a time.

And I've been pretending; long since I can remember. I pretended to be the loud and happy child first then to an angsty teenager and now to a person who's deep into the fictional world. Or what my mother liked to say is detached from reality. 

But I was happy just by my books. Yet I couldn't deny the yearning I have for love. Love that is not conditioned or based on terms and regulations. I wanted the type of love in the books and I was still clinging on the fine hope that I will find it one day.

My legs in the air as I was sprawled on my stomach on the bed with a pillow cushioning my chin I turned the page of the hardcore smut I am reading right now. My thighs pressed together as my core pulsed reading the things the man was doing. The pleasure they brought to each other. The touches that turned from soft to rough yet gentle.

But I can bet no one can master the blank face that I have while reading smut. It's the only thing I'm best at. The urge to touch myself increases every second yet all I do is press my thighs harder and grind against the bed sheet. The act seems so dirty yet it feels so good. The sense of forbiddenness that creeps inside of me. Yet the shame and embarrassment are waiting to work its way into my mind the second I stop.

I groan when the bell to the apartment rang. Huffing I place the bookmark close the book and walk up to the door and open it for Arlo. Instead I come face to face with Killian. My heart fluters at the sight of him. Stupid heart.

My face turns into a frown as I look at him as he mirrors my expression. "What are you doing here?" I blurted out before I could stop myself and then a blush creeps up my face, remembering the over sized tshirt I've thrown over myself and the shorts that are too short to peek out of the tshirt.

"Sorry, I—uh, my mistake I thought this was Arlo's appartment." I gave him a jerky nod. "It is—I mean it is our apartment." I said and then the awkward silence fell on us.

Ugh! I don't hate anything else than this.

"Surprise bitch!" Flinching at the loud voice I look at Arlo who's now standing beside Killian and is probably dead by the dead glares I've been throwing at him. He winces before giving me a cheeky smile. He pats Killians shoulder as the two men walk into the apartment. While I'm standing here at the door my eyes and mouth wide open.

"It's been a long time, bro. You sit here I'll get you something to drink. We don't have alcohol cause we don't drink that much but I'm sure I can find some soda in the fridge." Arlo speaks as he walk off the kitchen with two plastic bags in his hand. I pass Killian an awkward smile before I follow Arlo like a lost puppy.

Reaching the kitchen I fetch a knife off the wooden knife holder with the tip of it pointed at Arlo. "Woah! No shit I knew I had it coming." My lips are pressed together as I raise a eyebrow at him. "Well he's the new one in the firm and as I have past relations with him—not me actually but you,uh like I mean we were all friends so I offered him for dinner." By the time he finishes my eyes are slightly wide with both my brows marching my forehead.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, like I mean-uh, he's new and then he told me he lives in the same building as us and well as the same floor so I couldn't you know just avoid a known face." This seems way too fictional. But I let it pass. I know Arlo has changed a lot after high school He was no longer that shy boy who would always ask me for my opinions or make his decisions on Shaky grounds—and I can proudly say I feel like good mama, it was hard though—for us to keep in touch when we were in college but then we did somehow ended up together here in Italy. That was a coincidence or fate. So why cannot this be?

Shaking my head I put the knife down and snatched the two cans of coke from his hand. "Now you're gonna put everything out and prepare our plates Arlo." I gave him a sweet fake ass smile before walking out of the kitchen.

I pass one can to Killian before I settled beside in on the couch. Taking the remote off the coffee table I flip through Netflix trying to find a decent movie or atleast a show. Sighing I put on 'My Fault' and take my own sweet space on the couch.

"You've changed." He says after a while I look at him through the corner of my eyes and then turn towards him. "You said I was still the same remember?" I repeat his own words and watch as a taken a back look settles in his face.

Yeah that was the reason I didn't want anyone from the time of my high school or before that to be in contact with me now. The new me. It's the look of shock on their faces when I answer them back or come up with a sassy or quirky remark rather than being the one who stayed quiet or laughed it off.

"No I mean you've lost weight..." He says but then soon realises what he said. "No I mean you look different." I gave him a nod trying to ease off his awkwardness. I did indeed lose off some weight in college and after that yet I wasn't those girls with flat belly and perfect thighs and arse. I did what so ever had boobs and okay-ish thighs. While I didn't have those perfect flat belly or slim arms and perfectly shaped face.

I had fat around my bicep enough for me to be insecure to wear sleeveless sometimes. But I didn't let it stop me I always tried to step out of my comfort zone and wore what I wanted.

"Thanks?" I muttered quietly and half in confusion before focusing back on the movie.

Arlo brings two plates and hands it to us before he rushes back into the kitchen and comes back with his own. He stands at my head and looks down at me glancing back at him I fluter my eyelashes innocently at him. "Shift you fat arse." He says in his all so serious voice. "You can sit on the floor you know, flat arse." Nevertheless I scotted over giving him space to sit.