4 Years [SaneGiyuu]

1

I swear- the first chapter is always the hardest :sob:

But I'm so excited to finally get to write something for this ship :D

TW: mention of death

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Crying. That was all anyone could do after the final battle, if they even conscious enough to do so. At first, they cried tears of joy and relief in light of their long-awaited victory against Muzan Kibutsuji. The demon king and all his subordinates were dead, what wasn't there to be joyous about?

However, as the loss began to set in, as soldiers walked through the hallways and weren't greeted by their deceased comrades, the mood shifted. Guilt, sadness, and anger plagued what little remained of the demonslayer corps. Even though the demonic beings were gone, they'd left a nasty bloodstain on the white cloth that was Japan. The vast graveyard of dedicated souls had never been more full of life, near constant visitors bringing flowers and shedding tears, offering apologies and words of appreciation. A small number found ways to pay homage to the dead; feeling that they were honoring them brought the living some sense of comfort. Of course, as much as they wanted to, some weren't able to say goodbye to their fallen companions. Whether they were held back by their injuries, or too scared, unwilling to accept the casualties, they couldn't bring themselves to.

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Sanemi shifted, wincing at the slight pain that lingered in his gut. Returning to laying on his back, he groaned. The wind hashira should have been grateful he was healing, but instead, he was just frustrated that it was taking so long. An entire month had passed since the battle against Muzan Kibutsuji, and yet he was still confined to strict bed rest. Every so often he'd get the chance to get up and walk around his room, all the while clinging to the walls and scant furniture for support, but it wasn't enough. He wanted to get up and run. The longer he was stuck staring up at the ceiling, the heavier the weight of all the death felt. Sanemi already shed his fair share of tears over Genya and the deceased pillars, yet their deaths never seemed to get any easier to shoulder.

Aoi and the few other nurses and doctors at the Butterfly Mansion had told him he was lucky that he hadn't died back then, but in his eyes, if he had, he would have gotten to be with his family, and finally be the elder brother he'd tried so hard not to be.

If he could run, maybe he could shake the feeling of guilt and shame off of him. Maybe if he ran fast enough, it wouldn't be able to keep up.

But a small part of Sanemi's heart knew there would be no escaping the pain of not being able to save everyone. That he would have to endure it until it became less, somehow.

Why can't the world just let me be happy for once?

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Giyuu scowled at the corner of his room, blue eyes narrowed at the sage-colored drywall anxiously. He couldn't sleep, finding the usually comforting darkness to be too much to handle. Not unlike Sanemi, though the two hadn't seen each other in a month, the water pillar had cried plenty over the loss of so many lives. Even if they hadn't been the nicest to him at times, it still hurt tremendously to know they were gone for good.

When he was well enough, maybe two weeks prior to the present day, he'd asked Aoi if she knew how each of the hashira died. She, understanding that it would break him even more to not know, shared what little information she could. And damn did it hurt; knowing that for some the dead, they didn't even have a body to bury. Either consumed by a demon or lost to the infinity castle, some of the corpses couldn't be recovered.

He wouldn't go so far as to say their ghosts were haunting him; that'd be ridiculous, but he still felt somewhat at fault for their fates.

There were a few things he could be happy about, though. Tanjiro and his friends survived, as did Nezuko, Kanao, the Ubuyashiki children, and Sanemi. He doubted that the latter would want to talk to him, though. He had no reason to, since the demonslayer corps were going to be disbanded soon. There'd be nothing keeping the two remaining pillars to each other, and for whatever reason, that made Giyuu sad.

The water hashira had tried to work up the courage to visit Sanemi, but each time, he stopped in front of the door and turned back around. Sometimes it was because there were other people in there, other times he could tell the wind pillar wasn't in a good mood and didn't want to make it worse. Giyuu didn't want to be a burden to anyone anymore.

Having just lost an arm and otherwise only sustained minor injuries, the butterfly girls had allowed him to get up and move around fairly early on, as long as he didn't do anything to stunt his recovery. That was another plus, seeing as he could use the privilege to periodically check in on the younger slayers. He did, but to visit them was the only reason he ever left his room. Giyuu hadn't gone to the cemetery yet, much to his own disappointment. There were a lot of things he hadn't done, always putting them off with a dismissive "I'll do it tomorrow." 'Tomorrow' became a week later, then two weeks, and he still wasn't any closer to visiting his comrades that would never open their eyes again.

I heard Shinazugawa-san lost his brother.. I hope he's okay..

I'm so stupid.. why did they die, and not me? So many of them had so much to live for.

Of course I'd feel bad if I made Urokodaki sad. And Sabito would kill me if I died.

Sabito..

Giyuu's jacket, the one that bore both a part of his sister's kimono, and cloth from his friend's green and yellow haori, had been damaged in the final battle. One of the sleeves was ripped off, the edges were tattered, deep scores cut the fabric like claws making it wearable, but basically ruined. It's destruction hurt more than any punch, forcing fresh spears of grief through Giyuu's already tired heart. Now, it was hung over a chair in the opposite corner of the room, basking in all it's broken glory like some backwards trophy.

Giyuu forced his eyes closed, taking a long, slow breath in. As he exhaled, he turned over onto his back and pulled the blankets up over his head.

I just want to go to sleep and forget for a little while.

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It took forever to get my braincells to cooperate and focus on writing for long enough to write this first chapter- I hope it's good enough for you demons :') I know it's a boring, dull, short first chapter, but I promise the rest will be better ^^ (we don't want a repeat of My Missing Piece and it's 50 chapters, now do we?)

Idk why, but it hurts me to know that Muzan's last words were "Don't go! Don't leave me here!!"