Switchblade

Chapter 52: Lesson Learned

Tati spent the entire day in bed laying on her side and staring out her window.

She had no thoughts.

Then she heard the front door open and realized Killian was back. She figured he'd be hungry soon but still didn't feel like getting out of her bed.

"Why are you mad at me?" She heard in the doorway of her room.
She lifted her head and turned to see him. "What?"
"What is wrong with you? You're freaking me the fuck out!" he stated.
She just stared at him, confused.
"Fucking say something! What's the matter?! You just stare at me with empty eyes and talk like you don't have a fucking soul!"
"Stop yelling at me." she commanded.
"Then answer me!"
"Nothing is wrong." She sat up.
"I'm about to pull my fucking hair out." He began pacing. Tati just stared at him, disturbed.

"Personal question..." he said calmly but was clearly still angry. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

She stared wide eyed.

He stood there huffing.

This wasn't the norm for him.
A woman he slept with is avoiding him. Every minute he went without an explanation, he just got more annoyed. Who does she think she is?

Tati looked at him as she gathered her words. "I shouldn't have slept with you. I regret it and it's eating me up inside."
He just stared at her. His body relaxed.
Her eyes redirected to her lap.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because it meant a lot to me and I don't think you feel the same way. I viewed my virginity as special. Or at least I thought I did before I just handed it over to you. I'm not even in a relationship with you. I hated you just a week or two ago. You've wanted to sleep with me for a while and I spent time telling you that you never would only for me to just give it to you. I lost." she said softly. "You won like you knew you would. And I feel like shit because of it. How could I do that?" Her voice cracked as her tears rose again. She kept her eyes on her hands in her lap.

Killian just stared without knowing what to say.
He knew he shouldn't have done it.
In honesty he didn't know why he did it either. He kept saying he didn't sleep with virgins and then slept with her anyway. Knowing it would be a big deal to her and he could see he was right.
Why did either of them do it?

"When I found out you were a virgin I didn't want to either." he admitted.
"Then why did you do it?" she asked rhetorically. "If you thought it would be a mistake why couldn't you just tell me no? I would've been a little embarrassed but I would've gotten over it."
He didn't know how to answer that.
"I feel...I don't know, I just feel bad." Her tears started to leak. "I feel bad and a little gross. That...was so important to me and I wasted it."
He looked at the floor.
She quickly wiped her face. "I'm sorry." she sniffed.

A phone began to ring and interrupted them.

Killian took it out of his pocket and looked at the screen.

He walked off to answer it.

"What?"
"You alright?" Kolson asked.
"He tell you to ask me that?"
"Maybe. But that don't make me less curious."
Killian just stared at the floor in thought.
"What's goin' on?" Kolson asked.
Killian walked off to his bedroom.

Once inside, he shut the door and sat on his bed.
"I made a mistake." he said and rubbed over his face.
"Alright?"
"I don't care...but I care."
"What did you do?"
He sighed. "I fucked Tati."
Kolson let out a long whistle in surprise.
Killian's forehead rested in his free hand.
"Alright. So she think you're in a relationship now or somethin'? You're mad she won't leave you alone?"
"No. I'm mad she left me alone."
Kolson's brows lifted in surprise. "Beg pardon?"
"She said she regrets it because she gave her virginity to me. She went all day without looking me in my eye and barely spoke. It pissed me off."
"That she regrets it or that she wasn't attached to you at your hip after one night in your bed?"
Killian sat in thought.

"Are you into this chick?" Kolson asked.
"What?"
"Like...you wanna date her or somethin'?"
He sat in thought a little longer.
"I mean it's fine if you do. She's a pretty girl, looks like she can handle her own. But...is...Doc gonna be alright with that?"
"With what?"
"You datin'."
Killian wondered why that mattered.
"He don't like when you're distracted. You're kind of a secret weapon. You get a girlfriend...he's gonna think all of that's out the window."
"I didn't say I wanted to be with her." Killian argued.
"You didn't say you didn't either."
Killian looked around his room in annoyance.

"I mean I don't blame you if you do. She's your type." Kolson stated.
"What type?"
"Beautiful. Figured. Sassy. Crazy. Mean. Short tempered. That's all you need in a woman. Unless the sex was bad. Then I guess she isn't your type."
Killian stared at the floor.

"Was it?" Kolson asked.
"What?"
"Was the sex bad?"
Killian sighed. "I had a rough time trying to pull out."
Kolson chuckled. "See."
Killian stared at the wall in front of him. "That's bullshit."
"What is?"
"I don't know how to have a girlfriend. What do I need one for?"
"If you don't plan on gettin' married then I guess you don't."
Killian stayed quiet.
"You wanna get married?"
"Sounds like a lotta work. A lot goes into a marriage."
"How would you know?"
"Saw my uncle and aunt. You gotta argue and apologize and forgive and agree and a bunch of other shit that you don't have to deal with when you're single. And if she dies then what?"
"That's fucking dark."
"I'm not an idiot. I know everybody dies. Say I do get in a relationship with her. In this line'a work, she get shot in the head, then what? I gotta live with it? That don't sound like bullshit to you?" He went into his suit jacket and pulled out his carton of cigarettes.

"You take that gamble with anything." Kolson stated.
Killian laid his phone beside him and put it on speaker.
"You buy a car, there's a chance you crash and it gets totaled. No car. Chance you die in the wreck. You get a friend there's a chance they die. Chance they betray you. You get a dog there's a chance it gets ran over. You take a shower there's a chance you slip and crack your skull open. Everything got a negative possibility."
Killian took a puff of the cigarette he'd just lit and didn't respond.

"Wasn't your uncle in love with that woman?" Kolson asked.
Killian stared at the floor.
"Lit up when she walked into the room. Anybody can make you mad but nobody made him happy like she did. You ask him if he'd marry her again, knowing she'd die the same way and I bet you he'd say yea in a heartbeat."
Killian blew out his smoke.
"Actually he'd tell you to mind your fucking business and get out of his face but if he actually answered the question...he'd say yea."
Killian nodded to himself. "Still got a picture of her on his desk."
"So don't use that shit as a reason to not do what you wanna do. Anything could go bad. But you gotta remember anything could go right too."

Killian took a hit of his cigarette.

"You telling me to date the girl?" he exhaled.
"I'm telling you to do whatever you want with a realistic mindset. Not a negative one. But if that's what you got from that. Then yea. Date the girl."
Killian sighed.
"Might make her feel better too. Knowing giving her virginity to some drug lord's nephew wasn't a completely shit idea, maybe she can sleep at night."
"Yea."
"What'd you do when she woke up?" Kolson wondered.
"What?"
"Like...you do anything for her? The girl gave you her virginity, gotta learn when to be a dick and when not to."
"I just left the room." Killian answered.
"Who fucking raised you?" Kolson asked.
"You assholes."
"We did a shit job. Go get the girl a flower or something. That's probably why she feels like shit. You treated it like it was just a regular fucking Tuesday."
Killian rubbed over his face with his hands.