Switchblade

Chapter 83: What Do You Want?

"My turn?" Kolson asked when he saw Tati walking back into the lobby.
"He's awake."
Kolson stood up.
"But he's out of it and the nurse is checking on him."
"Out of it how? He alright?"
"Yea, he's okay, he just...he started rambling off crazy stuff." she snickered awkwardly. "I had to call for a nurse. Then he made me wait there with him while she treated him. I only left because I told him I wanted to let you know he was up."
"What was he sayin'?"
"Um...Well at first, when he woke up...he was fine and we just talked about what happened. Then he started telling me he loved me." She stared at the floor while she remembered.
Kolson looked away from her.
"And...like the things he started to say were...oddly obsessive and devotional...?" she said like she was confused. "Basically like I could treat him poorly but he'd still love me and I couldn't go to anyone else because he'd end up killing them. Then he told me he was dizzy and lightheaded."
Kolson sighed.

Tati looked back at him.

"What?" she asked.
"I'm not condoning it. But everything he said was true. Regardless of if he was out of it."
She just stared at him.
"The boy is 27 and never had a girlfriend or even a crush. He doesn't know what to do besides be obsessive about it. You're the first woman he's felt like this with which makes it a weird feeling but it's a feeling he likes. Like tryin' drugs for the first time. Now you want 'em 24/7 and can't stop. And if anyone gets between you and your drug, you're ready to kill 'em over it."
Tati just stood there.
"I don't know if him being out of it is what's making him tell you or not but I know everything he said, he meant. He's not a notorious liar."

Tati stared at the floor. "That's kind of scary..."
"Is it?"
"Shouldn't it be?" She looked at him.
"I don't know. Maybe I'm biased but I don't hold it against him. Wouldn't you be excited about something new you got that you love? Something you've never had before but always wanted and you got it and now you're obsessed with it. Happened to me. I can't dictate when it happens to him or with what."
"Are you just really good at making insane things sound normal?"
"I'm not judgmental. Ain't like he hit you. And he don't act obsessive which is tellin' me him being out of it might really be why he told you." Kolson shrugged. "But I still don't know 'cause he ain't one to hold shit in. Unless it's a problem he's havin'."
"You really know him."
"Twenty one years. It'd be weird if I didn't."

"I don't know. This still feels like a red flag..."
"Don't pull that bullshit." he groaned.
"What bullshit?!"
"That 'oh he's toxic, red flag' bullshit. If you really gave a fuck about that, you wouldn't have touched him."
She looked at the floor.
"I'm gonna check on him. You figure out what you're gonna do or whatever." Kolson said. He walked away with his hands in his pockets.
Tati sighed and went to take a seat.

Kolson entered the hospital room after a short walk and saw Killian sitting there by himself. Just staring at his lap.

Killian looked at him. "Hey..."
Kolson didn't respond. He just grabbed Killian roughly by the nose. Killian groaned in pain as he held Kolson's wrist.
"You know how hard it is to get a woman to not leave your fuckin' side after you psychotically tell her some obsessive bullshit?" Kolson asked.
He finally pushed Killian's head away and saw his nose was bright red.
Killian took deep breaths to get over it.

"You make that bullshit up or you were serious?" Kolson asked.
"I was serious." Killian answered and groaned softly as he laid back down.
"What'd you say?"
"Told her I love her."
"And?"
"I don't remember the rest. The words just came out. But I know I probably meant it."
"Why were you dizzy?"
"It was time I got off of that medicine they had me on. Was making me lightheaded and I'm fine enough to not need it."

Killian stared up at the ceiling while Kolson stared at him.

"What?" Killian asked.
"Nothin'. Just wonderin' why she hasn't left you yet."
"Left me? We aren't together."
"Which makes you an even weirder motherfucker." Kolson insulted then grabbed tightly onto Killian's nose again.
Killian groaned in pain and Kolson let it go.

"I was being honest. How is this my fault?" Killian wondered.
"Honest how?"
"I would honestly kill over her."
"Most women think that's an odd thing to say." Kolson sassed.
"That's got nothin' to do with me." Killian replied. "I would strip breath out of a man's lungs if he looked at her the wrong way."
Kolson just sighed.
"How is that my fault? I'm not allowed to be protective over what I care about?"
"Be protective but she ain't used to the way you protect. You sound like a madman. And learn that she doesn't need to know every crazy thing you feel. You ain't normal, Kil. Most people are gonna be uncomfortable by what you think. Learn how to keep your mouth shut."
Killian stared at his blanket.

Kolson took a deep breath. "So you really care about her huh?"
"I feel high." Killian responded.
"You on meds?"
"No."
Kolson just stared.
"I meant around her. I feel light. Smile too much. Horny."
"You were already horny."
"Yea, but hornier."
Kolson scoffed.
"My first time becoming addicted to something and I see why drug addicts struggle to get clean. I don't want her away from me."
"But you almost got yourself killed, sounds like you'd be fine being away from her."
"Thought she wouldn't care. If she didn't care, I didn't care. I already didn't care, long as I handled business first."
Kolson nodded.

"But I saw her crying when I woke up."
Kolson looked at him.
"She told me she was heartbroken when she was thinking I'd die." Killian recalled.

He looked back at Kolson.
"I'm obsessed with her. And I would do whatever she asked of me."
"You sound like your uncle."
Killian looked back at his blanket.
"He didn't say it but it was obvious he'd kill and die for that woman. Give her whatever she asked for."
"I feel like I'm losing my mind."
"Yea, it'll make you do that."

"What do I do?" Killian asked awkwardly.
"You're gettin' to an age where you gotta stop askin' me what to do."
Killian looked at him.
"You're almost 30, man. I can't keep navigating you through the humane parts of life. You gotta figure out how to love and communicate on your own or else when I'm gone you're gonna implode."
Killian took a deep breath.

Kolson took a seat. "You tell me what you wanna do."
"Get her pregnant."
"No." Kolson responded.
"You asked me what I wanted."
"Answer like a normal person."
Killian thought harder about it. "I want her to move in with me."
"I doubt she's gonna do that."
"Everything I want you keep tellin' me can't happen."
"Cause you want some crazy shit, dumbass!" Kolson snapped.
"Just 'cause I'm asking for your advice don't mean I'm not still your boss."
"Shut the hell up."

"Think tame. Think like a human being who has been in contact with women before. What do you want?"
"Her to be with me."
"Alright."