Without You

New and Heartbreak

I wake up to Isaac's frantic screaming. "Hazel! Come here!"

I run down the stairs to find Isaac sitting in front of the television screen. "Look!" He yells.

"Isaac, Can't this wait until-" He cuts me off.

"Hazel!" He screams again.

I sigh and look at the news broadcast. The headline almost makes me pass out.

Peter Van Houtan found dead in his Amsterdam home.

"Holy..." I try. I am speechless.

Dead? How? Why?

"I hate him, but I didn't want him dead." I say sadly. "Goddamn it"

The news lady screams into the microphone. "Author, Peter Van Houtan found dead in his home dew to a drug overdose."

I am about to walk away when I hear something alarming.

"In his right hand were pills, but in his left was a sealed envelope addressed to a "Hazel Lancaster."

I run back into the room and listen to the rest.

"The letter has been sent to this 'Hazel" But sources have not confirmed who she is, and why Houtan was writing a letter before his very certain death.'

I then relise that I am breathing very heavily. I sit down and try to catch my breath.

"Well how about that!" exclaims Isaac. He reaches over, touching my face, then kissing my lips.

I pull away slowly. It feels wrong. All of the memories of Gus flood back into my mind. No..... I can't be with him. "Isaac.." I start.

Isaac has a sad expression on his face. He knows. Somehow, he knows it's about Augustus.

"I'm sorry Hazel, I shouldn't have rushed it..." He says, holding back his emotions.

"No, I'm sorry Isaac, It's not fair to you for me to still love Gus. It's just so hard to let go." I sob.

Isaac pulls me into his arms as I cry. "It's not fair, Isaac. Augustus never deserved to die the way he did!'

Isaac soothingly runs his fingers through my short hair. "It's alright Hazel, It's okay.."

-----

I wake up in my bed. I must have fallen asleep after I was with Isaac. He probably carried me up here. I think back to what happened. Isaac must feel heartbroken. I am not fair to him. He treats me so well.

I reach to my bedside table and grab "An Imperial Affliction." I start flipping through the pages.

A page falls out and I groan. I hate when my books break.

I pick it up to see what page it is, But instead see a letter with all to familiar writing on it.

I start to read it with tears in my eyes.

Dear Hazel Grace,

I bet your wondering, why is there a strange paper in my book with terrible hand writing? Well, If you didn't already know, It's Augustus. I am writing this letter on the plane to Amsterdam. You are sleeping beside me, And Iv'e got to admit, you look cute when you sleep. Anyway, When you were in the hospital, I had been told around that time that the cancer is... growing. I am practically made of cancer. I may be leaving the world soon, and I am terrified to tell you. But you will get through it, You are the strongest person that I have ever met. I love you so much. I know it will be hard to get through my death, but don't give up on me Hazel Grace, Don't. I requested that your mom would slip this paper into your book after the trip. This letter is getting quite long now, so, I have to go. Remember to keep showing that beautiful smile of yours. I love you, Hazel. I love you so much.

Love, Augustus.

By the time I finish reading, I am sobbing.

"I love you to Augustus..." I stutter.

"I love you too" I hear a voice behind me. Augustus' voice.

I quickly turn around, hoping to see him, but I see nothing.

But I know that he said it, even if he is saying it in Heaven.

I smile and clutch the letter to my chest.