Chapter five - Sebastian

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⚠️ Warning: mentions of sexual assault!

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Lookin' at you got me thinkin' nonsense
Cartwheels in my stomach when you walk in
When you got your arms around me,
Ooh, it feels so good
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"Cum for me, little slut."

"I love the sounds you make. They're so pretty. Like you."

"I like kinky boys."

Her words have been running through my mind non-stop for two days. I don't know how I should feel about how she dominated me. I have always been taught that men are commanding and assertive. They are the leader, even though that has never been me. That's my father's main problem with me. I'm just not man enough for him. Maybe he is right, because just within the second time of meeting Eva, I submitted to her.

Eva, who is domineering and self-assured, but graceful and beautiful at the same time. Eva, who made me cum in my pants on our wedding night. Eva, who is my wife yet I haven't seen her since that night.

Plus, I realized the next morning that I didn't even... return the favor. She was left unsatisfied. I feel so bad for forgetting about her. I should have taken care of her first, like a true gentleman.

God, my ex was right, I do suck in bed. No wonder Eva practically ran away from me.

I don't know if I was relieved or disappointed when I came down the morning after, expecting to have an awkward breakfast, only for Maria to tell me that she had already left. I was relieved, for sure, thinking I'd have enough time to process what happened before facing her. But I was disappointed when she didn't come back that night. And the day after.

I would've thought she is avoiding me but that is just ridiculous. I am sure that what happened wasn't that significant for her as it was for me. If it was any other situation, I would've been trying to rectify it somehow. But this was different.

I promised to stay out of her way, and I take my promises very seriously. Although, this one is very easy since she is never around. I still don't know if that should make me happy or sad.

"What has got you so deep in thought?"

I jolt out of my thoughts and drop the spoonful of whipped cream in fright. "Shoot!" I scramble to get the towel and kneel on the ground, cleaning the mess I made while glaring at a sheepish looking Maria. "You almost gave me a heart attack, Maria."

"Sorry, dear." She holds up her hands in surrender, smiling and not looking very apologetic. "I didn't know you were such a scaredy cat."

Her accent is thicker than Eva.

God, please make me stop thinking about her and I will feed twenty homeless people, I promise.

"I'm not!" I say indignantly, but her grin only widens.

The only good thing about being in this lonely house is Maria. She was very polite and formal with me at first, but warmed up to me fast over our shared passion for cooking. However, she still calls me sir and Mr. Ricci, which feels really weird. All the other helpers in the house look intimidated by me, even though I am the least intimidating person I know. Heck, even Riley is more intimidating than me.

Even though Maria likes to tease me relentlessly, I like her and am grateful for her. I would have gone crazy the first day without her, especially since it was still the weekend and I didn't have any lectures that day. But I spent the day redecorating my room with her help, reading a book, and talked with Colin before bed. So it was not all bad. Except for the part, where I cannot stop thinking about Eva.

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