Chapter twenty-seven - Sebastian

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And suddenly nothing is the way that it was
Is this what it feels like to love someone?
Don't know what you had until it's gone
Is this what it feels like to love someone?
Love someone, love someone
Maybe sweet, maybe strange
Maybe pain's the price you pay
To love someone, to love someone
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Cold, grey eyes. Smooth, pale skin. Short, brown hair. How could this be? How is she here? Am I hallucinating again?

I did that for the first four months after I moved to San Francisco. Every face I saw morphed into hers. Every laugh sounded like hers. Every shadow haunted me.

But no, this time it's different. She's different, appearance-wise. Her hair is slightly longer and her face is visibly thinner. She has bags under her eyes and a small scar just above her left eyebrow that wasn't there before. She is as gorgeous as ever, but she also looks... hollow. More menacing.

"Hello, little lamb." She says, as if it is just a funny coincidence that we meet here, right now. Exactly one year after the day we first met.

Her voice sends a jolt through my body, causing me to stand up quickly. And for the first time in nearly nine months, I can feel my heart beat again.

My mouth feels dry and my breathing picks up the longer we stare at each other. I'm trying to find an appropriate response that doesn't cause a scene in the middle of my book signing.

This cannot be happening right now. Not now. Not here. Not when I was just starting to feel human again.

"H-How... how— W-What are you doing here?" I manage to squeak out, my heart beating embarrassingly fast for someone who claims they're over their ex-wife.

"I'm here for you." She says, as if it is that simple. I curse my stupid heart for the way it flutters at her words.

I open my mouth and try to speak but no words come out. Is she trying to torture me? Does she enjoy my misery?

"Sebastian, I—"

"Honey, is everything okay?"

I jump when Bree places a hand on my arm. Looking around, I can see a couple of people discreetly staring at us. The tension between Eva and I is not only affecting me, other people can feel it too. For instance, the people around us become more tense since she is now glaring at Bree. I know that look though. It's the same look she used to get whenever someone hurt me in any way. The look is not the problem really but it's what comes after it that concerns me.

"I-I need a b-break!" I stutter out, my throat tight with suppressed emotions as I remove her hand on my arm.

Without waiting for a response, I dash out of there through the back entrance, trying to hold myself back from breaking down.

So what she's here? It shouldn't mean anything. I'm just going to calm myself down a little and then go back to talk to her like a normal person. I'm sure everyone reacts badly at first when they see their ex-wife. It doesn't mean I still have feelings for her.

I pace the dark, narrow alley behind the bookstore, trying to slow down my heart rate and get rid of the suspicious knot in my throat.

I haven't cried over Eva for two months now - excluding the tears that slip out while I'm asleep - and I refuse to break my streak. Nothing even happened. There is no reason to cry.

The creak of the door pulls me out of my thoughts and I look up expecting to see Bree coming to check on me. "Bree, I am fine. I—" The rest of the sentence dies on my tongue upon seeing Eva standing in the doorway, practically fuming.

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