unexpected love [ TAMBER STORY ]

im not entirely here(half of me has disappeared)

TARAS POV
TW; mentions of suicide

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i freeze, staring deeply at ambers body on the hospital bed, sleeping. i gulp and sit on the side of the bed, noticing a crumpled note on the nightstand.

i grab it and spread it out on the nightstand, uncrumpling it. inhaling, i began to read it.

"okay so if youre anyone other than tara, dont read this, it wont make sense. right anyways, im sorry. this was all my fault. and i dont know why but i felt the need to escape all my problems, and this is the only way. im so sorry for how i treated you the day we fought, it wasnt your fault you were pressured to date wes, none of this is your fault. i love you more than anything in the whole
world, and i know thats brave to say because we arent dating and probably never will, but its true. youre my best friend and ive loved you since 5th grade. im sorry for all the problems i caused in your life, it wont happen again. ill make sure of it.  the only reason why i yelled at you that day was because i was jealous of wes, i know, i know. that's selfish of me. anyways, im getting off track. i want you to know none of this you caused and it was my choice to do this. i needed to escape, so i did. i began ignoring all my friends, ignoring YOU. i stopped taking care of myself, i stopped cleaning my room when it was needed. i tried to change so many times, but nothing worked, nothing. this is my last hope. if i fail at this it just proves im a failure and have no hope in life. i love you tara. take care of everyone for me."

i stared at the letter, no, the suicide note. and began to cry, hard, harder than i ever have before. amber was amazing, perfect even and i had to ruin every little chance i had with her.

she had to be joking about how "none of this was my fault", all of it was my fault. and im not even over exaggerating ; everything thats happened in the past week has been my fault. i hated wes, i hated myself, fuck. i even hated her, but i love her more than i love anyone. what was going on?

i crumpled the note back up and placed it on the nightstand, turning to amber and laying down next to her. i wrapped my arms around her and burried my head into the crook of her neck, starting to cry harder and harder as the time passed, i slowly crept into slumber in ambers arms. it was comforting.

after a few hours, i felt slight movement, which woke me up.
fuck.
was she awake? what would her reaction be to this? i panicked, quickly waking myself up fully and looking up, amber was staring at me with both anger and love in her eyes.

she noticed i was awake.

the love in her eyes disappeared and she sat up.

"what do you want?" she said while she looked away from me. probably trying to avoid eye contact.

"i read your note." i simply state, getting to the point. i couldnt handle her being angry at me.

she quickly turns her head and looks at me with her..gorgeous brown eyes. i began to stare at her, love filling my gaze.

she crossed her arms at me, she obviously noticed.  "well? you read it. now what?" she suddenly spoke up.

i snap out of it, shaking my head and looking at her.

"i dont know. what do you want to do now?" i ask, ever so slightly tilting my head.

amber looks down, burying her face in her hands.

"can you..leave? im sorry, i need some alone time."

i nod, standing up and walking out, but this time ; i stayed outside the door.

after a few minutes, i heard soft sobbing, which made my heart break. i really fucked her up, didnt i?

sniffling could be heard from inside the room, aswell as tissues being plucked out of their box.

i knocked on the door.

"can i come in?" i ask softly.

"yes." amber replies.

as i opened the door i looked up at her, she was rapidly wiping the tears off her face with a tissue.

i sit down next to her, leaning against her. fuck. i really really loved her.

"i love you amber; i know you may not feel the same but i always have. and fuck , i feel..terrible about what i said to you a few days ago. i didnt mean it. i didnt mean to lead you on. " tears filled my gaze.

"im sorry." i added on, looking down as i fidgeted with my fingers.

amber began to cry again. "oh." she said.

"im sorry, dont cry, please." i hugged her.

"i dont think i should talk to you anymore." she stated, softly sobbing once again as she burried her face in her hands.

"what?" i ask with shock and confusion.

"we should break contact with eachother, tara."