Light the candle

~One~

I struggle to think

I struggle to believe

I struggle to trust

I don't know where this way will lead me but I have to move forward.

It is what I feel when I see you.

I don't know why I am writing to you. But remember one thing;

I see you.

Nobody and anything

This was the very first letter he received from his anonymous correspondent. When he saw the letter sitting on his desk in his quarters after his day's classes, he was suspicious. But he detected no curses or portkey. So he opened it and was surprised by the words, but thought it was a joke. It was surely someone trying to get at his feelings. 

But the old lone wolf doesn't even know how to have feelings anymore. He knows only anger and loneliness. He lives in distrust and never lets his guard down. Severus thought about burning it, but strangely his body didn't move. I have nothing left.

¶HP/SS¶

The second letter arrived four days later. He had just come out of a meeting with the Order of the Phoenix, his spirits low. He had spent nearly an hour being insulted, belittled and scorned by members of the Order for having become a Death eater. Worthless. Greasy Git. Unwanted. Unloved. Lesser than a man. Bastard. Couldn't he just disappear of own sight? We don't have to tolerate him in the same room as us. Ugly freak... He hears that at all the Order's meetings.

No one was aware of the sacrifices he had to make, the risks he was taking by being a spy. No one supported or defended him in the face of the taunts he endured. He stands alone against them, determined to carry out his mission thanks to the vow he made to his dead friend, Lily. I have to do this for Lily. I vow to protect her son and I will do it even if I lose my life in the process.

Despite his cold, heartless, everyday expression, criticism finds its way through his shell, lowering his self-esteem. This may be true. I am ugly greasy dungeon bat who doesn't know what love is. I thought Lily was my light but she abandoned me in my darkness.

He sat down in his armchair with a glass of pure firewhisky and the letter from his anonymous correspondent that he had already examined. He took a sip of his drink before unfolding the letter and beginning to read it.

Thank you for everything you do.

I would be eternally grateful.

I see you.

Nobody and anything

He finishes his drink, his hand gripping the letter tightly. Its simple words have an immense effect on him. Severus is overwhelmed and his deep-seated feelings are trying to make a comeback. A lone tear makes its way down his cheek. I didn't remember when was the last time someone thanks him or  acknowledge him.