The Pogue Princess

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐢𝐯𝐞𓇽

I was making dinner with the little ingredients we had in the house. After looking in our very sad pantry, I cam to the conclusion that I would be making Pasta. I knew that papa didn't like it, and it would likely cause an argument about me not be considerate of his taste buds. I was hoping he wouldn't get too mad, that he would be able to keep the insults and yells to a minimum and we could have an enjoyable night, but I knew that wasn't a realistic option.

I finished cooking and set the table for everyone. Trying to make it look as neat as possible to avoid any further mistakes he could call out and use as a reason to be angry. Diego ate his food and then went upstairs. He was quite, not talking much, obviously focused on his thoughts. It reminded me of myself when I was younger, but that was frightening. I wanted better for Diego, he deserved to be worry free until he hit his teenage years.

Once I was halfway finished my meal, Papa walked in the house from the yard. Alcohol could be smelt from 5 meters away and I could tell he already wasn't in a good mood. As he sat at his spot on the table his face immediately indicated he was not pleased with my meal. My heart rate increased just at the thought of what was about to happen. Hands were shaking, breath was faster, I was just awaiting how he would deal with this "disgusting food".

"Really, you made this shit again Briella!"

"Sorry Papa, there's nothing else to make. The pantry is empty and you never gave me money for groceries"

"Get a job then! You're a fucking useless piece of shit!"

I quickly realized tonight would be a long night. He approached me quickly, huffing and puffing like he was a four year old having a tantrum. Then, he slapped me in the face. The skin burned and ached, tears formed and threatened to fall. I just looked right back at him, seeing if he felt any sense of remorse, but there was none. His eyes looked like they were zoned out, no hint of anyone behind them. He grabbed me by my sides and threw me on he couch like I was just some object to him. Punching my stomach, his knee digging into my thigh, I was in tears. Begging him to stop, trying so hard to say something that would make him realize what he was doing, but he kept on going.

He picked me up by the collar of my shirt and brought my face close to his. His breath reeked of alcohol and tears streamed endlessly down my face.

"Stop making shit dinners! I swear make good fucking food or you wont leave this kitchen!"

He dropped me on the floor and left. Went up to his room probably to fall asleep and forget about this in the morning because he was so drunk. I cleaned up the mess in the kitchen. All the dishes he just left for me to deal with. Swept the floors, replaces the chairs, and tidied up the mess from the Tv room he caused. Once I was done, I went out to the treehouse trying to avoid going upstairs because Diego was probably sleeping and I didn't want to wake him. I hung out in the treehouse, left alone to my thoughts again. Thinking about the Pogues, who I haven't talked to since I left Kiara's restaurant. Did they miss me or was Kiara's hatred for me a mutual feeling amongst the whole group?

The longer I was left to my own thoughts, the darker and more exaggerated they got. I tend to always assume the worst, that way my expectations always remain low. I won't end up being disappointed if I never expected anything in the first place.

Then I started thinking about those dolphins. When I died, I would want to come back as one of them. I would be in the sea, happy and free. Something in me just craved to just give up, let go, leave this cruel life behind and become a dolphin. Just the thought of swimming threw the ocean endlessly, with a group that would care for me, it was something I craved. But I couldn't go yet, Diego would be alone. I had to push through for Diego.

I continued to think of what my life could be like if I just gave up, and eventually fell asleep

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