If they'd shared a room (VA fanfic)

Heartbreaking decision

DPOV
When I opened the door to my room Rose was exiting the bathroom, pulling on a tank top to sleep in. I quickly shut and locked the door. No one needed to know what Rose looked like in pyjamas... let alone in no clothes. Which was basically what those pyjamas were. She wasn't wearing a bra, that much was clear, and her pants weren't leaving me to believe she had undies on either.

Was she trying to seduce me? Or had she forgotten she was rooming with me? Or was she just that comfortable around me? And didn't care how the sight was going to effect me?

"Oh!" Rose gasped quietly. "Hi."
I shook my head. "You should be more aware of your surroundings, Rose." I was very aware I was preaching a lesson I had recently ignored except when on duty. I was also aware I was preaching to distract myself from thoughts of her.
"My god, Dimitri! Give it a break. I just got out of the shower and had locked the door. Besides, you're not my teacher, remember?" she spat.
"You don't get to decide when I'm your teacher or not. And right now, I still am."
Rose glared as I walked to grab my own essentials to have a shower.

If I'd known she was going to be my roommate I would have packed an extra shirt or two to sleep in.

When I returned to the main part of the room, I noticed Rose was curled up... with a book. Upon further inspection, it was my book. "What are you reading, Rose?" I asked as I walked over to the other bed. More like why are you.
"I'm trying to understand what I'm going to lose an hour or so of sleep to each night for the next 13," she said without looking up from the page as I sat on the bed next to hers.
"What?"

I hadn't yet taken my book off her... mainly because she was extremely hot. And I was worried we'd argue again if I tried to take it back, even if I approached the task playfully. Right now she looked peaceful and cute, and that crease of distaste and dislike crinkled her forehead in a very attractive way. I really shouldn't be thinking of her that way- even more so since we were fighting- but how was I to stop with her actually in the next bed over, with so few feet between us?

"Don't act like you don't know I know you read before bed." She didn't need to wink for me to know what she was getting at.
"We're not going there, Rose."
"I never suggested we would. As I said, I'm trying to understand why your obsession is going to make me lose sleep."
"Rose, I know you well enough by now to know you could sleep through World War three. You won't be sacrificing anything."
"According to you." I didn't like the tone her voice was taking. Not wanting to fight again, I did what I (usually) do best when she starts being irrational; I shut down.

Mentally I sighed as I stood and moved to my bag to remove another book. The silence we read in was surprisingly calm. Until Rose snapped shut the book she'd had in her hands and chucked it at me. I reflexively caught it in one hand without even looking, having expected she'd do that some time soon. "I knew you'd snap eventually."
"Don't be such a know it all. And show off."
I closed my current book at placed both on the nightstand between our beds then looked at her. "Figured it out yet?" I regretted how teasing it sounded. I missed tossing around sarcasm with her, but in retrospect, it had been our way of flirting without it overtly or obviously being flirting.
"I seriously don't know how someone so stoic can stand to read something so cheesy."
"It's an escape of course." But then it didn't really work anymore. "There's something appealing," just like you, "about everyone living by their own codes."
Rose looked me dead in the eye before cracking the first genuine smile I'd seen in ages. "Good god. You wanna put on a sheriff's badge, hop on a horse and keep lawless bank robbers in line."
"No time," I whispered.
"You can't fool me, Dimitri."

Oh god, her voice was angelic and mesmerising, murmuring my name like a prayer. Or I was deluding myself that it was, there was a high likelihood of that. Still my next words escaped in a wistful tone.

"I have enough trouble keeping you in line."
Rose snapped and broke the spell that had befallen, ending the peaceful trance we'd entered. "Enough, Dimitri. I've had enough. You can't keep doing this, not when I mean nothing to you."

Ouch! Three times. Twice in one day. She really had no clue. How could she know everything about me but still believe I didn't care? How could she be so sharp at reading me, yet so blind to the constant war of emotions, desires, duties that raged within me? How could she not see I was addicted to her? She was my drug, and I was addicted from the first sighting.

"How can you keep saying that?" I whispered, failing at keeping my heartbreak hidden.
"Because you keep behaving like it, and I may one day delude myself into believing you mean nothing to me too."
I recoiled in shock. "You don't want to want me?" The idea was outrageous. The woman loved or hated wholeheartedly; I couldn't imagine a reality where she wanted to forget me, forget I created some of her strongest emotions.
"Isn't that what you want, though? Don't you want to not want me? At least you seem to want to believe you want to not want me."

What was going on? She'd spent such effort and energy into trying to let me know she wanted me, that she wanted me to want her. Now she was saying she didn't.

Her silent tears undid me. I shifted from my bed and crossed the few short feet between our beds in one stride. "Roza." I pulled her into my chest.

She sniffled a little before speaking. "I want you happy."
"I am happy," I replied in confusion.
"You're not hearing me right," she pulled away after sighing in frustration.
"Then tell me, Rose, talk to me."
"I want you to have it all, the charge, the wife, the kids, and the white picket fence because it's what you want... what you deserve." She sucked in her breath and look me dead in the eyes, with her heart and soul dying inside them as she spoke. "Take Tasha's offer."