FELICITY

PROLOGUE

September 1951.

No one knows that I exist. If my life ends today no one will know, no one will care. Madam will not care. It baffles me that she did not get rid of me a long time ago. Could it be that she still loves me, or does she just enjoy torturing me and watching my spirit die? 

Things were not always this way, you see. When I was a little girl, I was still kept a secret—I was still trapped in this house—but at least I had a little more freedom and she loved me, oh she loved me so well. I remember when my mothe-- . . . Madam would braid my hair and decorate it with beautiful pins she bought from a small shop near the hospital she works at. She would always buy pretty dolls for me, and she would call me her little doll, I remember that vividly.

In my younger years I always wondered why I was never allowed to leave the house. Anytime I asked her she would say, "when he comes back everything will go back to normal." To this day she still says it. And I still wonder who she is talking about . . . A few years back I asked her again to tell me who the mystery man was, but the marks she left on my body that day are a harsh reminder to never ask again.

I remember when Madam would give me lessons. She taught me everything I know: how to read, write, and count. I was left alone often, and because of that I began to read, a lot. I read the educational books Madam got me, but I also read fictional stories, romance mostly, and they made me hopeful that one day I too will experience this romance people seem to cherish so dearly. Reading was my favourite pastime—it still is, in fact!

Whenever we took a break from lessons, and Madam wasn't looking, I would peep through the window, and sometimes I would see little girls playing with their dollies while their mothers chatted away, all with smiles and giggles. I envied them so much, I might have even despised them for living the life I craved for. Back then, Madam always promised me that we would live that way when 'he' came back. I still wonder who he is, and why has he not returned?

It is truly mad to think that my whole life changed in one day. Madam got back from work late one night, I was combing my favourite dolly's hair when I heard her come in. I ran to hug her but I was not embraced as usual, instead, she dragged me by my ponytail into her room. She pushed me onto her bed and struck me. I pleaded for her mercy, but with each word I uttered her anger heightened. She looked at me as though she were looking at the devil—that look, remembering it still makes me shiver. There was so much fire in her eyes. Her chest heaved up and down in anger. The blows kept coming. I thought she was going to kill me.

When she was done with me, she pulled me up and dragged my frail body down the stairs to our filthy, dark basement. She pushed me in and locked the door. I heard her cry and scream. I heard furniture scrape the wooden floor and dishes clattered on the tiled floors of the kitchen. All I could do to was curl my tiny body into a ball and sob. I felt a spider crawl up my arm. I lifted my hand to brush it off, but decided against it. I let be—at least this one creature was not disgusted by me.

The next day, she brought my clothes, toys, and books to the basement and it was then I realized that my life was about to change forever. 

She has a pattern now; every day she brings food to me and when she feels like she will hit me. Sometimes after doing so, she would tell me she is sorry, tell me that she loves me and once again she would say ''when 'he' comes everything will go back to normal''. She locks the basement door unfailingly, sometimes she'll sob by the door before leaving. 

My only source of air in this dingy basement is through a small window which has put bars over it. Madam put those bars there when i got tall enough to reach. And so anytime I need some fresh air I pass my hand through the bar and slide the window open.

I have lost track of time so I do not know how long I have been down here, but I am certain that it has been a very long time; years, many many years I have been in here.

My name is Felicity and I can see the world, but the world does not know I exist.