FELICITY

XI

I continue to stare at the bleeding man. I feel very faint and I want to throw up. I get up from the blood-stained floor and I look at a furious Madam, she drops the pillow and the gun on the dining table. Thankfully, her plans do not involve shooting me like she did the pot-bellied beast.

Madam yanks me by my arm, she is piercing her witch-like nails into my skin. "I will ask you this one time," she says with a deathly glare. "Tell me how this nuisance saw you," she screams at me. I flinch. I take a huge gulp and my lips start to shake uncontrollably, I look at her pleadingly but she does not release me from her grasp, I see blood slowly sliding out my arm. "I-I," I stammer, not know knowing what to say.

"You what?" She yells and then she hits me on my head. "You what?" she asks belligerently.

"I found a pin," I say. I saw this in a novel I once read, a woman used her hair pin to open a door. "I found a hairpin and I used it to open the door," I lie.

"Then why do I always find the door locked?" she looks at me suspiciously.

"I lock it with the hair pin," I reply.

"Do you know what can happen if someone sees you?" she screams into my ear. "He will not come back if he sees you," she begins to cry. "I told you to be patient, I asked you to wait for him. When he comes you'll be free. Why can't you understand it you evil child?" she cries harder.

She drags me to the dining area and pushes me onto one of the chairs. She marches into the kitchen, I sit there shakily. She comes out holding a first aid kit and a small bag of what looks like salt. She opens the first aid kit and pulls out a pair of scissors.

"Give me your hands," she say, I reluctantly obey. I watch as she brings the scissors to my right hand and then she digs dip and drags open my skin. I wince in pain. Her face is hardened as she digs deeper into my skin, I try to pull my hands away but her grip is firm.

She packs quite a huge amount of salt in her hands and then she pours them into my cut. I squirm and bite down hard on my bottom lip. This is the sharpest pain I have ever felt, it feels like my arm is burning in the devil's fire. She pulls out something else from the kit. It says iodine solution on the bottle, she pours some into the cap and then onto my wound. It burns, it burns badly. I start crying uncontrollably, begging her to stop but she does not listen. She takes my left hand and does the exact same thing, and it hurts just the same. I squirm in the seat uncontrollably. "Please stop," I beg again, and once again she ignores my plea. She makes smaller wounds and does the same thing and then she puts pressure on the wounds with her hands.

She yanks me off the chair and drags me back to the basement, she pushes me in violently and bangs the door shut. "Next time you want to try that again look at your hands," she barks. "Maybe that will be a reminder not to disobey me," I hear her sob and then she locks the door.

I lie on the floor and I start crying again until my head hurts. With my weak body I plod to the bathroom and run water over my wounds, it does not make it hurt any less. 

She is a monster! Madam is a monster. How can she look at me every day and not feel remorse? I am her own child! She gave birth to me! Why does she treat me this way? Why? I sit on my mattress and cry my eyes into my pillow. I hear Madam open the front door of the house and banging it shut.

The witch is gone.

-

I hear a knock on the glass of my window. Timothy. After seeing what Madam did to that man, I fear for Timothy. Soon my luck will run out and Madam will find out about him. Although it will cause me heartache, I know that the only way to save him is by cutting him out of my life. I grab a long sleeved dress and then I run into the bathroom. After much struggle and pain I am able to pull the dress over my head. I wash my face so he does not notice that I have been crying.

I go back out and I see that he has already let himself in. I desperately want to run into his arms and hug him, but I cannot. He is smiling at me and then I scowl at him, he pulls his eyebrows together and tilts his head to the side.

"Cinderella," he says and sends me his sweet smile.

"My name is Felicity," I say in a firm tone with my hands clenched into fists at my side.

He widens his eyes and pushes his head back.  "I'm sorry love, I thought you liked that name," he moves close to me. 

Of course I love it, I want to say. "I am not your love," I say instead, stepping back. "Look, Timothy, I am sick and tired of you disturbing my life," my voice breaks from the lies I am spewing. "Do you not have a life of your own? I have grown tired of seeing you," I say indignantly.

He has a frown on his face. He stares at me blankly "Is this because of my parents, love?" he bites his bottom lip, I stare at them and avert my gaze to his eyes which are filled with confusion.

"I said don't call me love!" I scream. "And no, it is not your parents, it is you. It is everything about you, I am disgusted by you. I am tired of you. You keep shamelessly throwing yourself at me but I do not want you and I do not need you. Everything we had was a mistake and now I am bored so please leave," My chest is heaving. I hate the way he is looking at me, everything I am telling him rips my heart apart.

"I know its only been a short while but I have fallen deeply in love with you, and I do not know if I can live without you," his voice breaks.

"Then die. Die Timothy and leave me alone," I say the already harsh words harshly.

He is taken aback by my outburst. "What did I do wrong? Tell me please, everything was just perfect yesterday," he says, looking very confused.

"Well today is a new day and I am fed up," I say.

"Did your parents ask you to stay away from me is this because I hit that man?"

"No, this is simply because I do not love you," I say, not being able to look up at him. "I have no feelings whatsoever for you," I say through gritted teeth.

He brings his hands under my chin and pulls my head up, I look into his brown eyes, I can clearly see how hurt he is. It hurts to see how much my words are destroying him. "Break my heart but do so looking into my eyes," he breathes heavily, his voice is shaky.

It will be hard to look into his eyes and lie to him, but I have to do it, I need to. Everything I am doing is for him, for my Timothy. I blink back a tear, my lips are quivering. I look deep into his eyes, trying my best not to get lost in them. His eyes are watering. "I do not love you," I say firmly. "I never have and I never will, so please leave."

He looks crushed like he has just been shot, like he is dying, like his whole world is falling apart. "Your wish is my command," he says softly with a nod, and then he steps back. He looks at me one more time and I puff my chest and breathe heavily in an attempt to stop myself from breaking down. He turns around and I watch him leave.

I feel lonely, empty, incomplete without him, but he is better off without me. I am ruined, he does not need someone like me in his life. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to find love with a normal person. I am too broken to make him happy.

I love you Timothy, but I cannot be with you.