Turn on the lights - Remus lupin comfort fic

Chapter 14

By the time Willa got back into the castles reach she saw Lupin nigh on running towards her, he didn't move very fast he had a much more noticeable limp when he tried to move at pace. "Where the hell where you?!" He said in a much sterner voice than he had used with her before, intertwined with the harsh notes were threads of worry and fear. " I just wanted to be alone! I went for a walk. You let me go by myself the other day in Hogsmeade. How's it any different!" It was different though, it was different because she hadn't been raped and she hadn't been terrified. It was different because it had been her in control of it. It was his fault she'd been in hogsmeade that day. It was his fault she'd been where she was at that moment. It was his fault. "You left the castle at 4 in the morning, didn't leave a note, incase you haven't noticed Willa we are all trying incredibly hard to keep you safe, not to mention the fact that there is a murderer on the loose! You disappearing for hours on end. It has been hours. You missed breakfast, we've been worried sick searching for you, you can't just go off by yourself! Not in the state you're in!" He had raised his voice midway through his rant, Willa couldn't decide what emotion was coming up, he'd never been angry at her before. "Sorry I'm such a fucking inconvenience, I don't want to be here either. I don't want to be this person either. It's you're fault. ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT. YOU LEFT ME ALONE IN HOGSMEADE, YOU AND YOUR FUCKING SURVEILLANCE WHY WERENT YOU THERE THEN. MAYBE IF SOMEONE KILLED ME OR I DIED YOUD HAVE ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT!" Willa couldn't believe what she had said. She felt so comfortable not long ago and now this. What had she done. How was she supposed to get out tomorrow and get the photo to Sirius. Christmas would be even shittier now! "Don't fucking talk to me." She went into the castle and tracked the staircases back to the bullshit room where inevitably there'd be a questioning later on.

She slammed the door and saw her chance. She dove into Lupins chambers she didn't know how long she had. She ran carefully over to the bedside drawer and took out the photo album. ''Fuck it, I'll take him the whole thing' she stuffed the album down her jumper and made it quickly back into her room.

The heat had just about left her cheeks when she sat down on her bed and everything flooded into her head. Surely there was a way to magic it all out, there had to be. Jam on toast sat on a plate in the corner of the room, she threw it on to the fireplace clattering the plate as she did so. She didn't want jam on toast. She didn't want to be there. Maybe she could disappear that way. Die that way. If she couldn't do spells on herself, or at least not yet anyway. "Lascero" she drew her wand pointed at her leg, it didn't stop. She needed to do it herself. 'Why is there nothing to do it with for fucks sake!' She smacked her head against her headboard, she started scratching, she could feel it stinging and she carried on, she carried on until there was what felt like a wet small crater in her forehead.

Footsteps made there was towards Willas room. God she didn't want him to see her like this! Lupin sheepishly squeezed open the door. His eyes locked onto her forehead, "oh Willa." He pulled out his wand to try and heal it, Willa didn't want him to but he did it anyway. Her head healed up. "Do you mind if I sit?" Willa nodded lupin sat down next to her on the bed. "I know I don't understand fully what's going on but please talk to me this is what our meetings we're supposed to be about. What's my fault?" Willa stared at the floor why did she have to get angry and open her big fat gob. "I don't want to talk about it. I didn't mean what I said, promise!" Maybe that'd deflect him. "No Willa, I need to know, I want to help you! You've been having night terrors consistently for the last week, talk to us, talk to me!" There was silence between the two. "Look professor lupin, nothing is wrong, just had a tricky few days that's all. And yeh I might say this stuff but I was just angry. I just wanted to go on a walk, by myself, to think, to clear by head," lupin looked at her, " Willa I understand that but you need to start talking! You can't just have angry outbursts every few weeks, it's not good for you. And it's fine to go on walks but maybe a bit closer? We would hate for you to get in a dementors pathway or meet someone who could put you in danger! I'm really sorry to have to do this but I need to make sure you haven't hurt yourself. Can you take off your jumper and show me you're arms." Willa stared at him blankly. "Please professor it's Christmas, don't make me! I swear I haven't done anything, well other than that. I was just angry. Promise."

Lupin took her at face value for this. Maybe because he knew what it was like to be stared at. "Just don't go too far next time, I'm keen for you to have more independence but could you leave a note perhaps?" Willa nodded in compliance after a few shared moments of awkward silence, Willa tapped out and went to the baths.

As she got to the Gryffindor bathroom she checked nobody was there before pulling out the album, she opened the first page, a picture of he and Sirius in a small flat looking delighted glints of happiness through their eyes, the next page was a picture of a lean tallish man with bright blonde fluffy hair, he looked a little older than professor lupin but not by much he had kindness in his eyes. Then there was summer 77'. None of it was in order pictures overlapped, some older ones of a pretty young lady holding a baby, a picture of a black dog doing what seemed to be an impression of a kangaroo in the same living room. A pang of guilt filled Willa. In her haste and upset she had stolen something so important.

Willa shoved the album back into her jumper "WILLA!!" Hermione threw her arms around her friend, "I've missed you so much!" Willa smiled "I've missed you too! How have you been" Hermione started chatting explaining the drama between her new cat and scabbers, Ron's rat, then going on about various pieces of homework and all of the classes she'd been doing, Willa couldn't fathom how Hermione kept up with herself, Hermione finished. "And, well, Urm how've you been?" Willa took a moment to think how she was planning on answering, "I've been doing better thanks, it's all been incredibly dull but I'm good now I think!" She lied through her teeth but from the looks of it Hermione hadn't noticed.

"Do you think the professor lupin and McGonagall might let you stay in the dorm tonight? My parents sent me a portable television! And I figured out how to make it play a vhs tape without a player so I got them to send me home alone and a couple of other films" Willa lit up, it was silly really she didn't miss much of muggle life when she was at Hogwarts, magic was so brilliant that it kept her pretty distracted. She did however miss watching Christmas films with her parents. "I'll ask! For sure I'd love to! I've not felt very Christmassy this year so maybe this is just what I need! Will harry and Ron be there?" Hermione shook her head, "I've not told them about it, Ron wouldn't understand it and I don't want everyone knowing about it when they get back, besides I said I would send it back after Christmas so I can focus on schoolwork, if you don't mind keeping it a girls night sleepover!" Willa smiled, "I can't wait! Anyway I'd better go and ask!" Willa almost ran halfway down the stairs before running back up, "Hermione, one quick question." Hermione nodded, "do you know a spell I can copy a photo with?" "Yeh it was in a book I read in the library, it was in shutterbornes magical photography" Willa beamed, "thank you!"

She hurried down the stairs to the library. She couldn't believe how good it felt to be doing something worthwhile, to be making someone happy to not be thinking about herself, it really took her mind off things. The rest of The morning and early afternoon was spent in the library researching copying photographs. She then went to the girls bathrooms where she wouldn't be disturbed by anyone but moaning mertyl and took copies of all of the photographs that looked like they might be friendship related. Before shoving them in the waistband of her trousers and stuffing the picture book in her jumper again. She headed back to her little room and tried to think of ways she might get the picture book back into Lupins room.