In the end |part 1/2|

Chp.7/ preparation

-ALEXANDER'S POV-
I stay occupied doing work, training not only my soldiers but myself. The shadows of this castle creep into the hallways where light once was. I never felt a connection with any one before, so why on earth did I feel one with the princess. She is everything I'm not. She is the light while I am the dark waiting to take over. She looks for the positive while I can only see the negative. She hopes with all her heart for things while I know there isn't any hope left for me. People aren't afraid of her while many men fear me.

The time she was here in my castle, I didn't hate her nor did I want to kill her. I hated myself for letting attraction get in the way. Her smell still remnesses through the castle, haunting me, day and night, appearing in my dreams only to be let down in the morning. It wasn't a reality. I needed to take my mind off this whole mess so I made a plan for a ball. It would be talked about even for years to come.

Once I brought up the idea all my maids were on it. The theme was a dark night so I expect a lot of grays, blacks, navy blues, and the occasional white, but one thing I know to not expect was her. I made it clear in my invitation that only kings and queens of their nations were to come, and thankfully for me she is a princess, and even if she got married yesterday she would still remain a princess because Caspian isn't a king yet. I get out of my bedroom and see the decorations not yet in their correct spot.

"Why aren't these decorations up yet?" I ask the maids that are cleaning the floors

"Well sir, we are about to put them up but-" I can't believe this is happening. I'm a perfectionist. I hate that nothing is perfect. I don't care if there is two days left, everything needs to be ready

"But what? You thought that you could slack?"

"No sir"

"Then get it done or I'll find someone who will gladly take your position. Got it?"

"Yes sir" the freight in her voice tells me I did my job.

I don't want to be loved. I want to be feared and respected no matter the cost, if someone loves me and sees my dark side I don't care, they shouldn't have loved me in the first place.

I go to my office and find a chair to sit on. My heartbeat starts to pick up and I can barely breathe. I start to lose control of my sight, when thankfully the oldest maid that I know comes in.

"Alexander. Breathe" She says trying to calm me down, but my heart keeps racing and my anxiety hits me in the back of the throat. I started to remember her and her touch that tugged on my heart, and eventually my heart slowed down.

"What's wrong?" She asks, and I'm glad she came when she did, but I hate people seeing this weak side of me. I hate having to rely on someone else for help even though it's the pain I'M going through

"You may leave now" She knows I'm this way, this isn't anything new

"Alexander, what happ-" I cut her off before she starts getting sentimental

"I SAID YOU MAY LEAVE" I raise my voice, and I don't really feel bad. Just because I've known this lady my whole life doesn't mean she can not take orders. She nods and exits my office. I slick my hair back and I stand back up. The ball is in two days. I need to get this together. I may sound like a maniac to someone, but the truth is I've been that way since I was a young boy. Everything around here must be perfect. My plans must have hundreds of theories to back my hypothesis up.

I resume work in my office when I'm greeted with a crash of a burn in my heart. I go to the only place I know that feels safe. I open the door slowly and a reminder of the happiness that laid in the room is gone. I take a seat on the edge of the bed. Would things be different if I wasn't a king and her a princess? Of course things would be different. Maybe in a different life I could be happy and free of the chains my father and mother left me with.