Telling You 'I love you' Just Doesn't Do it Anymore

Hopeless Romantic

Whenever I read a romance novel or watch a romantic movie I always think of you. Whenever I see a grand romantic gesture I think of the time you've done something that made me feel the same way the girl in those stories feels.

It's so different watching these movies and reading these books now that I have you in my life. Instead of finishing it and feeling empty, yearning for something I don't have, and scrambling to try and figure out where I can find it, I feel comforted. I have you. I enjoy memories I have instead of trying to find ways to make them.

It's funny because you yourself are not a deeply dramatic guy. A relationship with you is not an emotional one with speeches and unrealistically grand gestures. Don't get me wrong, they make for a great story. But it's not sustainable. You don't want a guy running through an airport to stop you from flying away from him forever everyday. And that's what these stories don't show you. They don't show you the every day. The comforting stage of stability and consistency. Because it doesn't coerce people to spend 2 hours of their lives dedicated to sitting down and watching day-to day life with a couple.

But the simple point is, life is in fact longer than a story that wraps up in a couple of hours. So no, my love doesn't give elaborate speeches fueled by emotions that also somehow end up being delivered flawlessly. He's not prone to those. What he is prone to, is bringing me a water too when we have a bit of a longer car ride. He's prone to opening my door for me. He's prone to determinedly making me laugh every day. He's prone to buying me lunch when he can't be there to take his with mine. He's prone to buying me flowers, calling me a handful of nicknames, and unashamedly telling people how beautiful he thinks I am.

They might not be grand, incredible, bring-tears-to-your-eyes gestures but they make me feel loved and chosen every day. These efforts don't take much, but they do take a conscious decision to act on them. Which is more than most people would do. He says more in his dedication to consistently make these efforts than he could in any long speech.

I would be lying if I said I never wanted those speeches. But at this time I also wanted the instability of a 2 hour movie timeline to play out in my long term relationships. But anyone can play a part for a little while. His expressions of love take dedication. That realization is just one of the things he's taught me.

In addition to that I've learned that I can be fully myself with someone and they accept every part of me. Not just the nice and pretty ones. The self-deprecating, the angry, the sweaty, the messy hair, and the hurt. He takes it all in stride, because he fully embraces being a person. I've never been with someone who doesn't avoid certain aspects of being human. He loves it all wholeheartedly. And it's made me aware that I should too.

He's taught me that I have more control over my life than I'd originally thought. He teaches me about the importance of discipline, to be motivated to go after what I want. My whole young adult life I have deeply desired being "just like everyone else". I wanted to be average and normal so badly, but I felt that my mental health issues and my the way my mind worked would perpetually get in the way of that. He went through arguably so much worse for so much longer, and he's fought tooth and nail to be able to be "just a guy."

He's taught me the reality of love. What it really looks like. I used to think I understood what it felt like, and now I'm fairly certain I've never been on the receiving end of it in a relationship before. In my defense, I was always told just like everyone else that "love is messy." But I interpreted it to mean harmful. And not in the ignorant way.

So yes, he's not the kind of guy you'd find in a cliche love story. He says "I love you" in more ways with his eyes than he does with his lips. He is realistic, stable, consistent. Like a lighthouse in a storm, I will always be comforted by the knowledge of him. I know no matter how rough the waters get, or how eerily calm they can stay, he will always be a steadfast source of hope.

Which may be dramatic in metaphor, but in reality, it's fairly simple.