I'm writing this from the other room. You're literally steps away from me, and it's all that's on my mind at 12:30 in the morning.
But I know if I were with you, there's so much I would want to say, but you would be sleepy and unable to hold a conversation of this depth. So all these words and thoughts and feelings will have to threaten to explode until morning. And explode they will, although most likely internally. Because how am I supposed to explain that "the way you looked at me last night kinda made me feel like I never want anyone else to see me this way ever again" over coffee?
It's crazy because I can't wait to tell my mom about you. To tell her that I've finally found someone who, in all their time knowing me, has not looked at me in any way that doesn't have an expression of love lying underneath the surface. To tell her that you always get me one of whatever you're getting if you know I want one. To tell her that I can't look at you without my heart threatening to burst and I can only keep it at ease with a smile or a seemingly random laugh. To tell her that the way you hold me so close and so tight makes me feel like something you've fought for and refuse to give up.
I've been in love before, and I've felt the incredible, insurmountable feelings that are associated with it. But I've never seen them accurately reflected in my partner's eyes. In their words. In their actions. It is insurmountable, in the way that I could not go through an interaction with you without acknowledging the feelings of love that are in it.
It's like looking in a mirror, and I want to inspect it closer. Not to find the imperfections, but to pick apart the expressions and phrases so I can better learn to see myself the way you see me.
So yeah, it's 12:30 in the morning, and I can't sleep. But not because I'm anxious or full of self-loathing. It's because the love you've poured into me today is overflowing and I have nowhere to put it except back into you.
YOU ARE READING
Telling You 'I love you' Just Doesn't Do it Anymore
RomanceA collection of things I've written about my partner that I'm scared to show him. I write, a lot. It's the only way I'm able to really and truly string my thoughts together in a way that makes sense and at the same time puts words to my feelings...
