A life worth living

The beginning of the end

"Olivia, darling, I just can't deal with this anymore." Mum said, disapprovingly, I knew what she was going to do and I wasn't looking forward to it. I sat in my seat, awkwardly waiting for Mum to just get on with it. It was one word, two syllables. R E H A B . I was being sent to rehab to sit around with other humans who were apparently 'in the same position as me' and talk about why we feel the way we do, don't take drugs, don't commit suicide etc, etc. i wasn't in the mood for any of this, i'd rather be at my dump of a school, Cloverdale H.S where popular people rule the whole school and people like me, well, you get the picture. We get teased, bullied and even pushed around the corridors all the time. That's what triggered this whole thing, that's the only reason I have to go to rehab. All the popular people need rehab way more than me, they just aren't seeing the world clear. It's like they're wearing glasses that block out everybody who isn't popular or important, i hate it.

"I'm sorry honey, it was a last resort, I just want you to be safe and happy in your body" Mum said as she grabbed me in one last bear hug, tears were flooding down her face. I tried fighting back the tsunami in my eyes but it was no use. As we sobbed into each other's arms, I couldn't help but wonder if it would've been easier if Mum hadn't met my Dad, never got married and had me and my twin Brother, Thomas. She could have settled down with the man she wanted, Rob (my evil step dad) and they could've had their own kids and be happy now, not having to worry about their suicidal daughter, aka me. Mum slowly let go of our bear hug and I stared into her eyes. They had worn over the past 5 years, they looked bare, not a sparkle in sight and old. I remember Mums bright blue eyes always shining, and always a look of hope in them. Now, well they just looked bored and dim, like a white carpeted, white walled empty room. I admired Mums beautiful face for the last time, the way her skinny nose pointed out and when she talked, the end of her nose would bob. The way her lips had a perfect cupid's bow and how her face normally looked as bright as a star. Her blonde hair was messily tied back into a messy bun, some strands of hair falling out and her bun almost seeping out of the bobble. Mum was wearing her usual outfit, her shaggy old cardigan and her jeans which had paint splatted down them from when we decided to splatter paint onto a clean white canvas. Those were the days. I stared up at the painting that we once made together in our shabby, antique living room and a grin sneaked onto my face. Paintings and happy memories were my fuel now, screw food and emotions. I grabbed my old purple suitcase which had been with me on every single holiday in my life and began to make my way to the front door.

"I love you!" Mum yelled from our living room, her voice trembling and the pitch higher than normal. Oh god, the tears were now streaming down her face like her eyes were creating a new river.

"I love you too, Mum" I said back, trying to sound strong even though I was the weakest person in the world right now. I stepped outside, into the wildlife that surrounded our house and closed the red old fashioned front door. I walked down our hellish long driveway and admired the blossoms beginning to bloom and see the world, poor them. The world's a shitty place. I saw Dad waiting for me in his black posh audi TT. I guess he had tons of money to spend because unlike Mum he didn't have to pay to raise 2 children. Dick. I hopped into the car and dragged in my suitcase after me.

"Hey" Dad said, a bit too happily for my liking. I decided to ignore him and I turned on my ipod and grabbed my headphones. Bring Me The Horizon- House Of Wolves just what I needed, I screamed along in my head and decided to look out of the window. The night was beginning to set and it started to darken outside. We went around the quiet roundabout and made a left turn, down Cobble Road. The trees were swaying in the wind and it reminded me of going to Slamdunk with my two best friends, Nina and Billy with all the hands swaying and swaying to the tune of Slipknot - psychosocial.

"I try, Livvy. I try. I'm sorry I left you, your brother and your Mum" I heard my dad saying when Bring Me The Horizon finished their mini concert inside my headphones.

"You mean abandon, Dad." I finally spoke up, getting annoyed with my father."For a 30 year old whore!" I instantly regretted saying that as soon as it left my lips. Dad looked at me, obviously hurt and shocked that that came out of my small lips that didn't say very much, ever and never spoke up or said anything rude like that. I untucked my silky black hair from behind my ears to hide my face. Dad's face had hardened, obviously not happy with me at all.

After a long 5 minutes that felt like an eternity, we reached the Clinic. As I
stared at the rectangular building, I suddenly didn't want to leave the car.