One man, who seems incredibly calm regarding of what happens around him, "just so happens" to be at the exact spots where Green Shadow has to save someone from the nefarious ne'er do wells that are the zombies. Despite being annoyed at the repeated...
After waking up on his couch, one groggy Adrien gets up to make himself a sandwich. He was tall, skinny and had not exercised much in the last 30 years, that of course being his exact age. He lived alone and got bored very easily. Once he finished eating his BLT, he decided to go for a walk, maybe sight something cool on the way. He was of course bored after a few minutes and remembered he ran out of bacon and decided to get some from the Walmart down the street.
Before making it there, he heard a groan in the distance. "Braaaaaaaaains." Said an unknown entity. Passing it off as some idiot pranking people he casually walked towards his destination without a doubt of that initial idea in his mind. That was of course, before he felt a bony hand on his shoulder and turned around. "Hey! No touchie!" Demanded Adrien, grabbing the hand and pushing it away. It was then tossed to the ground, limp and very clearly a sickly gray. He looked towards its former owner, realizing it was a zombie.
"Oh darn." Commented Adrien before kicking the zombie to the ground. It's head popped off instantly. Naturally, Adrien looked around for any other zombies. He didn't see anymore so he continued his trek to Walmart. "That was surprisingly easy." Thought Adrien as he very casually walked away from the corpse. To not get bored during his trip, he pulled out his phone and walked forward. He was entirely unaware to any and all things that may or may not be around him.
He unfortunately, bumped into a few people, apologizing appropriately before moving on. Finally, he entered Walmart, it was of course, zombie free because dying is bad for your health. He immediately headed for the salty goods without tiring. "Oh god they're here!" Screamed an extremely frightened customer. "Who?" Wondered Adrien as he walked the opposite direction the customer was running. As he did so, he heard groans coming from somewhere near the bacon as well as seeing many people running away, urging him to do the same. "Are you out of your mind? Run for your life you idiot!" Shouted a male customer.
"What a rude dude." Observed Adrien as he still walked towards the bacon. Suddenly, he spotted his prize as well as a horde of zombies blocking his way. Instinctively, they limped toward him, stating their incredibly eloquent demands. "Braaaaaaaaaainsss." They said. "I think that might be in the next few aisles." Responded Adrien. Since he couldn't possibly give up the soon to be sizzled salty sections of swine.
Therefore, he pressed onward, through the undead crowd as he pushed them away from his face. He did well to not get bit as he stomped towards the bacon but just as he reached for the item, he was whisked by a rather strong individual, landing on top of an aisle. "No! Not my bacon!" Cried Adrien as he tried to somehow magically get to the bacon. "Leave the bacon alone. You have to get out of here so I can deal with the horde without distractions." Said a feminine voice. Since his attention was now taken away from the massive loss he was still grieving for, Adrien looked at the woman who had taken him away from his prize.
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"Are you sure I can't get the bacon? I was literally right there when you got me." Asked Adrien. "No, any injuries?" Sighed Green Shadow, checking Adrien for said conditions. "Oh no, I've gotten a nose bleed from being too horny. Woe is me! I'm done for! If only I had gotten the bacon, then I would've lived!" Whined Adrien theatrically. "There's too many zombies for you to safely get the bacon, leave it alone for your own safety and run like the rest. Don't be a hero, just leave it to the professionals." Advised Green Shadow.
"I'm not trying to be a hero. I'm trying to get some bacon and seeing as I was very easily able to just walk through the zombies, I'm very sure I can get that bacon by myself." Denied Adrien, starting to once again make an attempt to get the bacon. Before he could jump down however, Green Shadow grabbed him and pulled him back. "You can't go back in there, you could get hurt, badly." Warned Green Shadow.
"But bacon!" Argued Adrien. Despite Adrien's detailed and impressive argument, Green Shadow stood strong on her point. She then sighed for a bit before continuing. "Look, I'll just buy you the bacon after you get out of here and I get rid of these zombies. Are you happy now?" Offered Green Shadow, seeming very annoyed. "I'll accept that deal." Said Adrien before immediately sprinting on top of the aisles to get out. "Finally, now I can get to my job." Sighed Green Shadow in relief.
Meanwhile, Adrien had already made it out of the store but didn't go any further, expecting for his bacon to be delivered. Of course, he took care of a few zombie stragglers as he waited but in the end, he was betrayed when Green Shadow left the scene and didn't give him any bacon. Since he incorrectly figured the zombies would have eaten the delicacy, he left to another store, resolving to grab some bacon from there instead.
Unsurprisingly, he ran into more zombies inside. Knowing Green Shadow would attempt to once again prevent his acquirement of bacon, he sprinted through the horde, punching and swiping zombies to get to the goods. However, he was once again "saved" by Green Shadow at the last second. "You again, are you trying to get my attention or something?" Complained Green Shadow in frustration. "No, I'm trying to get bacon and once again, I couldn't." Replied Adrien, annoyed as well.
"Why can't you try to get bacon somewhere without zombies?" Asked Green Shadow. "I was but then they just conveniently appeared for the third time today. Now can I finally get to one thing I wanted this entire time?" Requested Adrien. This time, instead of waiting for Green Shadow to tell him no, Adrien hopped down and procured the bacon. Finally, he had the bacon and finally, he realized he was maybe, possibly in danger.
Not wanting to lose his bacon once again, he gripped it tightly before proceeding to beat the zombies down. Instantly, he was grabbed by Green Shadow, who slapped him in the face after landing. "Are you crazy?! Get out of here before I take you out of here myself!" Commanded Green Shadow before slapping him again. "That was what I was planning to do after getting this. Now to find a cash register." Said Adrien, calmly walking away.
"Run you idiot!" Yelled Green Shadow as a few zombies very slowly lurched towards him. Adrien looked back to see that he was being followed. Noticing that they were moving at a snail's pace, Adrien sped up slightly as he looked around for a self-checkout lane. After sighing appropriately, Green Shadow started stopping the zombies again. Adrien however, spotted his target and walked towards it calmly. "Braaaaaainnsss." Said a zombie near him. "We don't sell that here, not a lot of people would pay for it." Denied Adrien.
Despite his comment, the zombies continued to walk towards him. Adrien then punched off their heads in response, returning to his bacon, he checked it out and paid before walking back home. This time, without any encounters with the undead. Thus, he went about his business and exited to his backyard. It was devoid of any plants beyond your garden variety grass. "I should probably grow something around here since I definitely have to time." Commented Adrien.
He pictured a rose patch, some posies as well as other flowers before thinking about getting a floral roommate. A sunflower would be nice, pretty cute too, plus he'd have someone to play games with other than online or computers. "How fast do they grow anyway?" Wondered Adrien. He then went on to eating bacon, eggs and rice. After that was done, he decided to go to sleep. A few days and many rescues later, Green Shadow had learned Adrien's name and gotten used to find him somewhere near all the zombies, casually going to get something and ignoring the fact that he was in danger to get the one thing he wanted, usually bacon.
He was at every single zombie attack in the city and yet unharmed after every one. This fact, annoyed Green Shadow to no end but she still had to save him despite his tendency to be completely fine by the end of it. Needless to say, Adrien still continued his life without questioning anything, besides Green Shadow that is.
—————————————————————————- Writer's note: bacon is a food, remember that. Have you ever committed a crime? If so, please tell everyone what it was. I stabbed a child :) that's for real.
