ᴏʙx ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇꜱ

loving me is so difficult-r.c

i'm getting ready for a pogue party that jj invited all of us to, well, not invite, more like crashing it.

i slip on my mini skirt and put on a red baby tee and i was out of the door and in the twinkie.

we finally got there and immediately the host's friends almost cut us off but they had spotted me and kie in the group and sighed. they had cleared out of our paths.

"we still got it, lexi!" "of course we still do."

we all go straight for the alcohol first, filling up the red polo cups with combinations that could cause liver failure and diabetes at the same time then we all headed out to the dance floor. me and kie danced as the boys bopped their heads awkwardly.

about a half hour later, the party started ti get louder and i search around, looking what's the riot all about and i see rafe cameron and topper thornton walk in the party and grabs a bottle.

i look at rafe and he looks absolutely horrible, almost on the brink of falling apart. we had hooked up several times in this past year but i stopped couple months ago because rafe and i  started to catch feelings and we started to be more than fuck buddies. and i didn't want the pogues to catch on. the pogues absolutely hated him but he only had a soft spot for me, he took me to a private kook partu once and one of rafe's golf buddies tried to flirt with me and he punched them in the face.

i keep on staring at him from across the room and we both lock eyes but i look away quickly.

about more than fourty five mins later, i made my way over to the liquor table, and i see that the table is almost empty. i pick up several bottles and i pick up tequila that's about half a cup full. i shrug and empty it all in my cup and i pick up cranberry juice which was unsurprisingly half full.

nobody combines cranberry juice with liquor except for me.

i take a sip and it nearly burns my throat going down. i immediately feel rough hands on my hips, their thumbs trailing on the bare skin of my midriff between the skirt and my shirt.

"hi rafe." "hey lexi."

we sway back and forth and i check out the entire party and everyone is nearly too wasted to notice. i grab his wrists and i lead him off to a more private area which was down the beach, away from everyone. i sit down next to him, facing him.

"are you okay, rafe?" "yeah i'm fine." "you don't look like it." "then stop looking at me."

he trails shapes in the sand, eyes glued to the ground. i grab his hands which gets his attention.

"please tell me." rafe takes a big sigh.

"my dad and i got into another fight. what's new?" he plays with my fingers and the bracelets that are decorated on my hands. it always calmed him down. "and-" a crack in his voice. "and i keep- i keep screaming at him that i need help. because i know i do. but he won't fucking listen to me." he finally looks up at me, and i can see the tears shimmering in his ocean blue eyes. the moonlight hits his face just right. "am i really that hard to love? why is loving me so fucking difficult?!" he lets his tears slip, and i can see his lip trembling. i kneel right in front of him, grabbing his tear soaked face.

"you are not hard to love. you were the best guy that i've ever met. ever since we ended things, i haven't stopped thinking about you ever since." "then why did you end things?"

his eyes look deep into mine and i look down at my lap, dropping my hands into them, now playing with my bracelets.

"because..." i trail off. "because i was scared. rafe,
i was fucking terrified. we had set boundaries beforehand that we didn't want a relationship but it slowly became into something more. i was played with and thrown around with the last guy i was with. i was like his toy that he just simply outgrew. i'm sorry rafe."

rafe had sat there for a couple of minutes, soaking it all in. it was painfully long. i stared at the water crashing up shore, the moonlight reflecting it off beautifully.

"i-i didn't know." "i didn't want you to know. so please don't feel bad. but i want to say that you are not difficult to love. your dad is blind to see that you're a great person deep down."

we're now just staring into eachother's eyes, deeply but it's not awkward, we're just there.

his hand reaches up to my cheek and gently pulls me closer.

"can i kiss you?" rafe whispers, my nostrils getting a waft from the hard liquor that he had chugged beforehand. i nod and our lips finally connected. we've kissed before but it wasn't like this. our souls were much more tied and this kiss was gentle but firm.

i slowly go on my back, my head resting on the sand, fully knowing that i'm gonna be full of sand but it didn't matter. he hovers over me between my legs and he's pressed up against my body, my arms being wrapped around him and him running his hand up my back.

we ended the night by going back to my house and showering then falling asleep peacefully.