Inspired by Dont touch our sajae made by Chalzi on ao3
(Note : in this au, chung myung was born as cho sam, without the memories of his past life, when he got them back he had some form of personality. Close to canon but not close. Chung myung does beat the disciples but not as frequently and he acts a bit like a human, just more sympathetic.)
Chung myung sighed. In the end getting his memories back still couldn't erase the memories currently
..I'm sorry I just... can't I can't....'
"Ngh~ stop! It hurts please stop!!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"No no no please! Please I'm begging you please!"
"Stop...haah~...stop *sob*"
"Help me....someone help me...."
"HELP ME IT HURTS PLEASE IT HURTS NO SOMEONE SAVE ME SAVE ME!"
"AHH!!! NO! NO! PLEASE NO! NO"
"I'm fine....I'm gonna be fine...."
"Please...hurt anyone else but please not my sister! Please ill do anything punish me instead just don't touch her please!!!"
"Haah....haah....brother please....I want to escape...please....its so dark in here....I don't like the dark....please....its so small....I can't breathe....I can't move brothher....please I ad it I was in the wrong....I didn't mean to...please brother I learned my lesson please...I haven't had food in eleven months I'm sorry...please just...just give me something to eat...I'm begging you....brother....my brother...anyone, just anyone save me...mom? Dad? Sis? Anyone! Please please! Let me out let me out!! PLEASE"
"I-m sorry! I'm sorry I didn't mean it! I was in the wrong I committed a sin worth of death please!!"
"STAY AWAY! STAY AWAY PELASE NO NO NO PLEASE PLEASE! I SUFFERED ENOUGH! IMDID EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO PLEASE STOP"
"I COMMITED A SIN A GRAVE SIN. I APOLOGIZE MOTHER, FATHER IM SORRY PLEASE STOP! IT HURTS SO MUCH PLEASE PLEASE!"
Cho Sam, when chung myung was first reincarnated he had no memory of his past life, yet he still harbored the pain of the emotions before he couldn't explain. Yet, once after recovering his memories, what was the point? If they were just going to let him reincarnate without his memories in the first place why recover them now? As selfish as he sounded he couldn't bare with the trauma that came with his failure, he didn'twant to owe anything to anyone he didn'twant to have this pain anymore, he hated it, it kept getting worse and worse, why couldn't it all just go away? Why couldn'the just stick with the emotions he had already? He hadn't been use to the grief and loss, as he was with suffering himself.
Why was it so hard to live? Why had he been reborn if his life was as miserable as before. It was hell, and the one running it, His...supposed older brother, cho yin. Chung myung sighed, 'tiring...its all so tiring....' chung myung was done with how much abuse he had to put up with without the mount hua disciples knowledge. In his eyes, that man. That thing, was not his older brother, he was more like a demon. Chung myung and seen it all, why? Why? He had remembered being so pathetic to beg, and harbor these pains as a child he was, he felt as if he didn't have the right to be called the plum Blossom sword saint. He felt like a whore. A dirty whore, for letting his older brother do that to him, he hated it, he hated touch, he hated noise, because it would all turn back to the thing he ran away from.
Chung myung was so tired of these memories, memories from his past life, that originally weren't supposed to be his in the first place. The memories of pain and abuse in his mind that belonged to him, he didn't want any of them, it was because of the man reminded in his memories, the man who had absolutely no right to exist nor be born, the man who called himself his, older brother in his memories.
