JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: House of Cards

Now My Feet Won't Touch The Ground

Jony stood, staring down at The Joker. A checkered suit, a fake grin and greasy hair. A plastic exterior to mask his vile intentions. He grips a coin between his index and his thumb, specs of rust flaking off. On one end lies a bust of a woman, the other, a Lizard stabbed by a knife. "I've used this coin to decide everything in my life, Y'know? Like how I solve a problem. This coin helps. If it comes up heads, I use a more direct approach. Tails, I take some time and put some more finesse into it. It's a tad more complicated than that, but you get the jist, right?" The Joker explains and asks as he flips the coin into the air. Jony watches the silver piece rotate, not sure of what side he wants it to land on, not even sure of what the flip decides.

The coin lands on its thin rim, as if it's faltering before picking a side, and remains there for several seconds. "Ooh, that's rare! You wouldn't believe how cool that is!" The Joker exclaims as he looks up from the coin at Jony, who still just stares on in confusion. At last, the coin falls to show the impaled lizard. "Well if the coin says so!" The Joker states as the coin rises into the air and is enveloped in flesh. Bones, organs, and eventually a scaly green skin grow around the coin to develop into a humanoid reptile, with bulbous, robotic purple spheres for eyes, an oblong head that reaches into a point, and a tail.

"Here, I'll give you a head start. I'm feeling generous." The Joker states with a smug grin while waiting for Jony to run. Jony instead lunges past the reptile and attempts to attack The Joker. Jony gets a good three steps towards The Joker before he feels an unbearable pain. The skin being torn off of his left shoulder, being pulled towards the reptile, into a purple orb located in the hole in its chest. "The Human Body only has about 4 layers to it. Pick your next move carefully, Jony." The Joker states as Jony chooses to land his punch, and toss a chair towards the reptilian assailant. Jony watches as each layer of the chair is pulled into the orb. Polish, paint, wood, nails. One after another. Jony has a plan.

Though before Jony can make any moves towards his plan, The Joker springs back up from Jony's right hook and grabs him, facing him towards the Lizard. Flesh slowly tears, cell by cell, inch by inch. Jony screams, as an instinctual reaction to his pain, but also as a distraction. He kicks and flails his legs away, sending out the occasional Monkee to scour the room. That's step 1. Jony throws his elbow into The Joker's stomach, loosening his grip just enough to escape the grapple. Jony darts across the room. Step 2. The Joker steps forward and the Lizard floats closer. Step 3. The Monkees run back to Jony. Step 4. The orb in the Lizard's chest begins spinning. Step 5.

Jony reaches behind his back and hurls a cube at the Lizard's chest orb. The Lizard stalls and simply floats there. The plan had worked and Jony made his next move, picking up what was left of a chair and smacking it upside The Joker's head, who was still looking at the Lizard. The Joker falls to the ground and Jony begins his assault. While he had a formulated plan, this was barbaric brutality. The Joker may have the stronger ability, but Jony had wit, and in this case, a chair leg. Various crunches and cracks echo through the room as The Joker barely manages to flip out a coin, landing on heads.

The Lizard vanishes and in his place appears a disgusting, fleshy pile. It rises to the air and begins dripping with blood. It assembles its face into a makeshift helmet, lacking a true face. The slitted faceplate shuffled around before settling, the rest of its body following suit. It lacked solidity. It was flesh and nothing more. Muscles with no organs. Meat with no bones. Tissue with no skin. It was vile, visceral, and an opposite to the Lizard that prefaced it. While the Lizard made up only the right side of a body, this mockery of a person was the left.

The Joker rose from the ground while Jony stared at the flesh, drawing a gun from his pocket. "Okay, explain what you did there with to make The Lizard Wizard stall for so long." The Joker demands. "Do it and I'll drop the gun." He adds. Jony decides to comply. "Well you said that humans only had four layers, and I noticed that thing was only pulling off my skin at first, as well as it breaking down the chair before me, so I knew it went 1 layer at a time and got whatever was in the way of its target, regardless of whether or not it could just ignore it or walk around it. So I made basically a cube of plywood. Around one thousand layers or so." Jony explains as The Joker tosses the gun aside and claps. "Well done. Now you've got to outsmart King Gizzard, so lets get back to it, shall we?" He says as the walking flesh draws closer to Jony.