souls of black | fever in, fever out

chapter 131: in my world

New Zealand welcomed Sam and Anthrax at the stroke of sunrise and the touch of the plane wheels on the dark tarmac. The whole flight had left her disoriented and Joey assured her that it was just the crossing of the dateline that did the trick. Given it was the middle of winter there, she brought a couple of sweaters with her. She thought of surprising him with her brand new black lace underneath one of those sweaters, but then again, there was every glimpse he took at her hips from behind. She wanted to give it all to him right then and there, even on those islands.
Once they stepped off of the plane and they were greeted by a cold blast from the Antarctic, Joey took her by the hand and led her over to the center of the floor. So unlike him to do something huge such as that before a bunch of people, especially a bunch of people there in the Auckland airport, but he dropped down to one knee and showed her the ring right before everyone. The small clear diamond surrounded by a circle of red and black stones: for all she knew, they were mere false rhinestones, but she didn't care.
A small circle of people formed around them as she declared, "yes, Joey!"
A kiss planted on the dark lips and their arms around each other and they were officially engaged. It was actually happening at that point for her.
It was actually happening, albeit so fast to when they reached the hotel, she still had to take a glimpse down to her hand to ensure that it was in fact the real thing. She peered out the rear window to the vast skyline: she swore that it was New York City on steroids. Joey put his arm around her and he couldn't hardly resist the big gleeful smile upon his face.
Sam peered up at her fiance, her husband to be, her future mister and she lay her head on his chest.
In the seat in front of them, Scott took off his cap and ran a hand over the crown of his head. Right before their departure from New York and ultimately the United States, he had taken a buzzer to his head and shaved off the remainder of his hair, which had all but fallen off entirely as part of the aftermath of his relationship crumbling. Where a relationship had ended, another one took its place as the crown jewel.
She was about to be made queen of the world at the bottom of the world: their first show on that stint of the tour would be over in Wellington, but for the time being, they stayed in Auckland.
Joey held her hand as they climbed out of the back seat together and into the sun kissed parking lot. Gray clouds spanned over the sky overhead and the chill of snow hung in the air, even though their driver assured them that snow on the northern island was rare.
A cool breeze sent a shiver down her spine as they walked into the hotel together: she and Joey took the second room on the left there on the third floor, right across the hall from Scott and Dan. The first thing she did upon their entering the room together was call her parents to ensure they reached the bottom of the world in one piece and also the news. Esmé was overjoyed where Ruben had been rendered speechless. The former invited her to California at some point so they could plan the whole thing; Joey lingered right behind her with each word and they picked out a date right away: right in the middle of April, after Anthrax's tour and before the Clash of the Titans.
She then opened the drapes on the large window on the other side of the room: the glass stretched from the floor up to the ceiling so they were gifted with a panoramic view of the skyline; off in the distance stood the menacing low ridge of Mount Eden. Beyond that, out on the water was Browns Island, still lush and vibrant green despite it being the heart of winter.
To think most of this city towered right upon a dormant volcanic field.
Sam thought of Marla and her Polaroid camera: if only she had one of those herself; she wouldn't hesitate to take a series of pictures for all of them back home, as well as her parents.
"Auckland—such a beautiful city!" she declared.
"They know how to party down here, too," Frank assured her from the doorway; she turned around right as he stuck a stick of gum into his mouth. "That's what happens when you live in a place that's all volcanic."
"Yeah, you'll see a lot more head banging out here," Scott added from behind him. "The crowds back in the States have been lacking lately. Not sure what's happening with it, either..."
"We've been seeing a lot of like—college kids in the crowds lately," Frank added. "Especially last year when we came back to the States. Lotta kids wearing sweatshirts and looking like they just came there from class."
"Lotta kids'a your caliber," Joey said with a smirk on his face and a step into the bathroom. But once the door was closed, and Scott called Frank for something across the hall, Sam's face fell.
It wasn't that long ago she was in college herself and yet it felt like an eternity. Though she had started school a little late, a year following high school, to think that kids who just started college were attending Anthrax's shows made her wonder where all this time had gone. She turned back to the window behind her and against the skyline, she noticed her own reflection. Still round and full with youth and yet her eyes seemed a touch deeper than she had remembered. Her blonde highlights only added to it.
The gray clouds on the far side of skyline hung heavy with an incoming winter's rain. The snow hit the southern island and yet she wondered if it was all coming for her at that point.
There was something about being on an island, on a pair of islands, and the one which she stood upon had a dormant volcanic complex.
She thought about Alex: he was getting older, too, past the age of those kids in question. Just earlier that year, she and him were with Eric near another dormant volcanic complex. The threat of eruptions and hellfire made her realize just the preciousness of her relationships, and how the fire could take them all away, the very fire that fueled her passion.
The preciousness of time itself. That time was all she had with her at that moment. The words of the mysterious man in her dreams rang true with her right at that moment: "the clock is your friend."
And yet, it wasn't that long ago. It wasn't long ago when she met him and he had a mere pearl of gray upon the crown of his head. They were all growing up together and the ring on her finger summed it all up.
A part of her wanted to cry over that ephemeral time passed because they all seemed so young and innocent then but then again, there was no way she could bring it back for herself or for anyone. The only way out was through.
The bathroom door swung open again and she spotted Joey's lopsided grin in the dim reflection before her. She wheeled around and showed a smile to the man she was about to make her own forever.
"What'chu grinning about?" she asked him as she pressed her hands to her hips.
"Just wondering—where do you want the wedding?" Joey asked her with a soft tone of voice.
"Let's hold it in Hawai'i!" Sam declared, to which Joey burst out laughing.
"Nah, I dunno if we can, though," he confessed.
"Why's that?"
"Have you been to Hawai'i?"
"I haven't."
"It's crazy, such that I dunno if I can afford it to be honest wit' ya." Sam put her arm around his lower back and they both gazed out the window to the skyline again. Even with a few pounds on his body, he still had that slender delicate waist that she had remembered from all those years ago.
"You know, we're not too far from Fiji," she pointed out.
"A thousand miles, I think?" he recalled.
"That's still not too far from here."
"We can do Fiji for the honeymoon, if you'd like," he suggested.
"Well, where would you like to hold the wedding?" she kindly asked him and she ran her hand over the upper part of his back.
"I was thinking the Great Lakes," he replied to her, "like the shores of Lake Superior or Lake Ontario. I remember how much you want to see Lake Ontario especially."
"Oh, yeah, for sure," she said with a smile.
"The shores of the lake before the lake effect snows come in?"
"Now, now, we do that and the wedding gets rushed," she pointed out with a wag of her finger. "I don't really want to rush something like that, especially when there's so much to do behind it." The mere mention of the word "rush" made her think of Testament and their new album and the regrets they had with it.
"What did Aurora and Emile do for their wedding?" he asked her.
"Oh, they spent a long time on that," she recalled. "Like I'm sure you remember all the stress Aurora put herself through just organizing the whole thing together."
"God, how could I forget," said Joey with a raise of his eyebrows. "Promise me you won't turn into that."
"No way," she vowed with a shake of her head. He lingered closer to her and he pressed his lips onto the side of her neck: she closed her eyes and her toes curled inside of her shoes at the feeling. Like all the volcanoes she had encountered, her own magma chamber churred within her. The fire that burned for Joey burned more so for him. No way she could let go of him now.
He gave her a soft groan right into her ear.
"You know, we're not too far from Lake Taupo," he pointed out, and he raised his eyebrows again. "Talk about volcanic."
"You want the honeymoon there?" she asked him.
"Nah—but while we're down here in New Zealand, we ought to check it out."
It would be a week before they would have to perform there in Auckland after all, and thus, the next day, when the clouds cleared out and things were a bit warmer, the two of them headed out for that lake to the south.
A whole week. A whole week with Joey. A whole week with her fiance, the man she chose. The man she settled on.
For some reason, even as Joey took her down to Lake Taupo, the massive crater lake right smack in the middle of the northern island, she couldn't help but think of the day she spent with Alex in West Germany. The smooth calm waters that filled up the vast valley before them.
A sign stood on the vista point that read the crater underneath the lake was responsible for the largest volcanic eruption in recent existence. Joey looked over at her with a thoughtful look on his face, but even from behind those sunglasses she knew what he was thinking upon his reading that. Twenty six thousand years ago, that volcano erupted. Mammoth erupted during that time span as well. White Island near Auckland erupted recently, as did Mount St. Helens off to the north when she was in high school.
Liquid hot magma underneath the earth, just like the heat between the two of them.
And unlike her day with Alex, this time around, they were nowhere near bakeries and things with ginger snaps. Things were sweet and spicy between the two of them.
Add to this, Alex wasn't ready to blow by the time they had reached Schweinfurt by the train, either: a cloud covered the midday sun and Joey lunged for Sam there at the vista point.
No one else around and the nearest place of civilization was the village of Taupo, several miles away from them. He put his arms around her waist and he slithered his tongue inside of her mouth like that of a snake. His hands glided up on the inside of her shirt and to the hooks on her bra.
The menacing fire underneath their feet had nothing on the fire between the two of them.
Alex lingered in the back of her mind like a phantom.
That little plume of gray upon his head like a little radio antenna. His deep eyes haunted her like the barren sockets of a skull.
But she reached down and groped Joey right between the legs. He was firm and full there—right where she wanted him.
She dared not think about another man like that, especially a man whom she saw as her best guy friend. She dared not do anything to step out of line. So paranoid of her but it was the truth to her, especially with that ring on her finger. She and Joey promised each other all the ice cream in the world before she left for California after all.
She stuck her free hand down the front of his jeans and fondled him right then and there. Joey ran his tongue along his teeth and she wondered where they would go from there out in the wild.
He brought his head down to her neck for another kiss or two, and then he ran his tongue along her skin.
All the little touches were enough to keep the fire between them to a small lava flow. She closed her eyes as he gave her a little nibble.
She couldn't help but think about the vampire bites she gave Alex down on his waist. Those were sexy the more she thought about them: they were so close to the belt of his jeans, so close to his genitals.
Joey was doing the same thing for her right there on the side of the neck where everyone could see it.
But then again, Alex was her secret. She dared not let anyone know about what went down between the two of them, not even her own father. At least Ruben met Joey and she made it known between the two of them that they had something for each other. But she and Alex were hidden away from the world, and she wanted it to be hidden between just the two of them.
She couldn't resist thinking those things anyway. All the times Alex looked at her and all the times she got close to him. The twinkles in his deep eyes. The slight raises of his dark eyebrows. All the times the tip of his bulbous nose grew bright pink with the cold wind and it looked so kissable...
Even as Joey kissed her on the chest, something that made her a little extra moist between the legs at the very feeling, she thought of when she and Alex were snuggled up to next to one another underneath the blankets.
Her hand down the front of his jeans. His hand up her shirt and underneath her breasts.
It felt so right and so wrong at the same time.
The whole week prior to the show in Wellington, Sam couldn't stop thinking about Alex.
Testament were about to head over to Europe with Megadeth and Slayer at that point. As far as she knew, just from her overhearing what Scott told the four of them, they had made the Clash of the Titans tour and were preparing on their heading overseas themselves.
At least to hear his voice again after not hearing it for such a long time after she left for New York. To hear him again after Anthrax debuted a brand new song off of their new album Persistence of Time, called "In My World", at both shows there in New Zealand.
In my world, Sam thought to herself both times. Inside of her own world, and one that she would be a part of for months on end before that wedding, or "the big to-do" as Scott called it.
On one hand, she longed for Joey next to her on the lengthy flight back home to the United States, back to Los Angeles and then once more to New York. But then again, she could relax for a great length of time on the flight home halfway around the world given she was by herself. Almost a whole day to herself there on both planes, and both times she had her journal out for some new drawings.
Something outside of her comfort zone as well: she thought of that drawing of Medusa that she showed to Scarlett. Something a little more akin to herself like that very drawing.
Something naked.
She closed her eyes as she pictured herself naked in front of the mirror. Herself. Her body.
She was once again by herself—although she couldn't do much of anything else at that point given she was surrounded by passengers on the plane but she was by herself. She thought of Alex and Joey both all the way back home as she filled out a few pages in her sketchbook with drawings of naked women. There was nothing else she could do at that point: art was all she had at that moment.
After twenty one hours of being on a plane, she returned to her place in Hell's Kitchen. The fatigue settled over her: lucky for her, it would be next spring when she would call herself Mrs. Belladonna.
Once she stepped into her apartment, she set down her purse and her travel bag on the couch. She then walked over to the phone on the wall. She picked it up and dialed his number.
It rang twice.
"Hello?" Like how she could recognize Joey's upstate accent, she recognized his big voice that didn't seem to fit his body, even when it broke upon his answering.
"Alex?" she asked him.
"Who's this?"
"Sam. Samantha."
"Oh, hey! I was just thinking about you. What's going on?"
"Just got home from beautiful New Zealand."
"Aw, that's so cool! One of our first stops on our very first world tour was down in Auckland. It's really cool down there, isn't it?"
"Oh, it's gorgeous. Like a raw beauty of sorts—we went to Lake Taupo and it just makes Long Valley look tiny. I was gonna go with Anthrax to Australia and then Japan before I came home but—I couldn't." She cleared her throat.
"Well, we're heading over to Europe on the Clash of the Titans tour in like a couple of weeks, right in the last week of September. Souls of Black drops in October right when we're in the midst of that—dreams really do come true." He fetched up a sigh of relief and she knew things were lighter over there upon his saying that. "You know, it's funny—just yesterday, I was thinking of calling you just to tell you what's going on at that moment."
"Aw, that's—that's so sweet of you." She cleared her throat. She yearned for his sweetness again, even if it was just for a few minutes.
"Is everything okay? You sound kinda rough. I know I did after we went down there—had a little head cold for a bit. A lot of weird, endemic things down there that we're not used to here in the States."
"Well, it's—" She nibbled on her bottom lip. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," Alex replied. "You can ask me anything."
"I was wondering if—you'd like to be in mine and Joey's wedding."
"Your and Joey's wedding?" He paused. "Wait a minute. You guys are actually getting married?"
"Yeah."
"When?"
"April fifteenth." A hard lump emerged in her throat.
"Oh my—fucking god, when'd this happen?"
"He proposed to me right when we landed in Auckland."
"Wow! So you guys are—are—are—"
"We're tying the knot right when they get home from their tour."
"A month off and then they go out on the North American part of the Clash of the Titans."
"Wait, you guys aren't gonna on that on the American part?"
"Nope—Anthrax is headlining it with Megadeth and Slayer, and they're getting supported by a little band out of Seattle called Alice in Chains."
"And what are you guys doing?"
"Well, Eric sent out the fan club letters talking about it—I'm guessing you haven't gotten yours yet."
"Nah."
"We go out on our own tour afterwards 'cause of Souls of Black. It's gonna be long, Samantha—I'm just gonna admonish that onto you right now. We're gonna be with the girls, too! The Cherry Suicides."
"Oh, cool!"
"Oh, it's the least we can do for them especially. They wanted to come with us on the Clash of the Titans, but I guess they missed the deadline or something? I don't really know, to be honest. I'll ask Zelda when I see her again."
He cleared his throat.
"We're gonna be in Stockholm by the time that album drops, too," he told her in a low voice.
"Sweden," she muttered.
"Yeah. Sweden in October, too. When the snow starts falling and the black ice hits the road."
She closed her eyes when she thought of Cliff.
"But we're not doing what Metallica were doing, though," he assured her. "Not even close to that."
"How so?"
"We have a few dates in Germany and then we go up to Stockholm, and then back down to Copenhagen. So we're completely bypassing that part of Sweden."
"Well, you know..." Her voice trailed off.
"Oh, yeah. There's still the risk that things can go horribly wrong. It's something I've known for almost four years now."
A soft clicking noise on the other end caught her attention.
"Hang on, I got someone on the other line," she told him.
"I have things to do anyways," he followed up.
"Alex?"
"Yeah?"
She nibbled on her bottom lip. It was so strange for her to say this to him, especially when it came out of her with such ease to Joey.
She thought of it. It was on the tip of her tongue.
She wanted to say it—
"Would you like me to send you some ginger snaps?"
"Like—right now?" he sputtered.
"Well, 'cause I think about how you guys are going to be overseas just in time for your birthday," she told him.
"Oh. Oh, yeah, I would love that! Try to send them off within the next week, though, so I can have them with me on the tour."
"Of course, of course!"
Yet another thing for her to do but it was something easy to do, though, especially when Esmé called her up right there, once she got off the phone with Alex, and she invited her back out to California as both a celebration and preparation for the wedding.
Later that day, she headed out and fetched a tin of ginger snaps for him for his twenty second birthday. It was the least she could do for him. And yet she couldn't stop thinking about it in the meantime. She shook her head a few more times at the lingering doubts in her mind.
It was what she wanted. It was everything that she wanted. She was sure of it and all the voices within her mind doubtful of it all were merely her own insecurity speaking. She understood what Aurora had meant by it all. She understood it all now, why her mind went sideways and she seemed like a shell of herself once she and Emile had settled down there in New York together.
She had buried the hatchet between her and Aurora anyway.
However, the thought of her behavior that night made her shake her head. She should have known. But then again, she had no idea how these things would fare for her, and also for Aurora herself and Joey.
It would take her several months in order to plot the wedding, and even from the very beginning, she was glad that they planned on holding it on the shores of Lake Ontario because she knew there was no way the boys could fly out to the Hawaiian Islands after such a grueling tour. One thing that she couldn't shake right away was that once she had returned from Auckland, and the chill of being south of the equator never left her body, she found herself in search of answers and anything else that could help her and her mother with it all. She was cold all the time for what felt like a week, even when she began eating even more hot food from the intense cold that fell so soon over Southern California.
And all the while she had trickled in the words to her father, who was still speechless given he was still rather unsure of Joey especially with everything that Esmé had told her with the other man. In the meantime, while Anthrax were on the road and Testament had gone off with Megadeth on their tour, every so often, she thought about that man. She wondered if she would ever cross paths with him at some point or if he was long gone at that point. The fact Esmé never even told her his name only made her all the more curious about him.
One other question she had about him was why did they break up, and yet her mother never completely went into that. Something happened there between the two of them and she yearned to know about it.
Maybe it would explain why Ruben was so heated about it and why they split in the first place. Maybe this man, this mysterious man, was in fact her real father and Ruben never wanted to admit that to her. She wondered about this as Esmé took her shopping for wedding dresses in Malibu: there was a dress in the back of the closet, but after Sam had tried it on for herself, the bodice barely fit over her hips and the new curves that came in with all the stress behind planning a wedding.
Of all places, she thought, and they were going to be back there in Southern California in no time before they headed back to upstate New York. The place where she knew she wanted to go. It all felt like a dream at that point.
She couldn't hardly focus on all of the filmy white lace before her, what with the thought of Joey being overseas and the fact that Cliff was overseas himself before the bus tipped over. She shook her head and she strove to shake away those thoughts.
No way Joey would end up like Cliff: no way he could, either. It was possible for sure, but she need not be left at the altar like what happened with her and Cliff.
Filmy airy white lace that hugged her hips and her waist. A slightly low neckline that accentuated her breasts and thin white lace that covered her shoulders. She gazed at herself in the mirror, now the bride herself. She thought of Testament and the fact that she had lost Chuck's trailer over Donner Pass. All of it would be rendered meaningless that April. Every last part of it.
Indeed, in the days following her twenty six birthday in January, a part of her wanted to run off with Testament again, back over to Europe with them again, but she knew there would be no point to it. She loved Joey and she wanted to marry him because the alternative was losing him, but something held her back and wanted her to head out again.
She tried on the dress every so often so it would still fit her in the days leading up to it. She twirled for Esmé each and every time, who pressed a hand to her chest at the sight of her.
The week before the fifteenth, she tried it on again, to which Esmé brushed the tears from her eyes.
"I can't believe my little girl is actually getting married," she breathed out, "and so soon after I handed in my manuscript, too."
"I can't believe it, either, Mom," Sam confessed as she ran her hands down the front of the skirt.
"This is all happening so fast. So quickly. Things are really cooking up, my dear." Esmé raised a glass to her and took a sip of that bright pink dessert wine that the two of them shared with Alex when he visited them there on Catalina.
All the while, with every trip back to upstate New York and with every word she signed on with the wedding and the official union between her and Joey, she thought of Alex still back home in California. He was out there by himself—at least he had his parents close to him, but she couldn't help but think about him out there all by himself. All the things that she had felt for him.
Indeed, when she saw him again at the rehearsal, he was already in that heavy velvet coat which he wore to Aurora and Emile's wedding, but this time, he kept the buttons on his shirt propped open to where it fully exposed his chest. All the while, his hair had grown more lush and fluffy, which everyone referred to as "the Marty Friedman", after Megadeth's guitarist: the little sliver of gray hid away underneath his bangs, which had grown extra long with time.
"That's a look," Dan remarked.
"Rock n' roll wedding," Sam followed up with a nervous chuckle. Esmé was her matron of honor, where Marla and Belinda were her bridesmaids in the black and silver dresses; Alex would once again be the bridesman with his heavy coat and a black button up shirt. Marla, who had dyed her hair blonde at that point, vowed to keep a hat on the whole entire time.
"I'm not happy with it," she confessed when Sam asked her why. "It's itchy and you've seen me with blonde hair, too, Sam—it's not a good look for me."
"You look great!" Alex pointed out to her, but nothing could deny the fallen look on Marla's face and Sam knew what was going through her mind at that moment.
The night before the wedding, she could hardly sleep and her mother assured her it was just the nerves of her wedding that kept her awake at night. But every time she closed her eyes, she saw Alex and his bare chest. Twenty six years old and yet she still couldn't hardly shake the feeling of being surrounded by boys all the time. She was the vixen for what felt like forever and now she was about to be the wife. All so fast and so jarring that couldn't hardly think straight.
Her mind left her even when she walked down the grassy aisle with the bouquet before her and the springtime sun over her head. She was exhausted and the sight of Alex there in the bridal party, still with his shirt popped open and that coat looking hot even though the breeze from the lake kept everything cool. Her two bridesmaids looked so stylish with their black and silver strapless dresses: Marla even more so with an oversized black floppy sun hat which had a silver ribbon around the base.
They were going to sign the papers right there once Mark from Death Angel reprised his role as the minister. She was going to do it right with Alex only a few feet from her. When she walked down the aisle with Ruben at her side, she locked eyes with Alex and the forlorn expression on his face.
She gazed up at Joey and the sun at the top of his head like a crown. A prince about to make her his duchess, and Mark struggling to keep a straight face the whole time didn't help matters, either.
"Do you, Joseph Anthony Bellardini, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" he asked him.
"I do," Joey said with that lopsided smile on his handsome face and he signed his name. Mark turned to Sam with a twinkle in his eye and a look of mischief on his face. She took the pen from him.
"And do you, Samantha Rose Shelley, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
She pursed her lips together. Joey raised his eyebrows.
The silence fell over the entire yard in such a heavy fashion that she could slice it open with one of her ink pens.
"I'm sorry, Joey," she told him in a broken voice. "I can't do this."
"What do you mean?" he asked her. "Of course you can do it."
"No, I mean—" She stopped. She could see the tears in his eyes. "I can't marry you."
She closed her eyes and bowed her head. She took off the ring and handed both it and the pen back to him. No tears of her own, but she regretted it within mere seconds.
But she stepped away from the altar with her hands down before her. That beautiful dress that she had tried out for her mother would now have to go back into the closet. She knew it would be back in the closet after the wedding, but something about it seemed so fruitless at that point. She didn't dare look at anyone in the eye in the meantime, either.
She kept on walking out of there, even when Esmé called after her and even when Marla and Belinda called after her. She headed back to the building for her purse and the key to her car.
There was one place she could go, far away from everything. The one place that she showed to Joey only once and the only place where she could be alone. The one place that she shared with the men who surrounded her in a proverbial sense.
With her wedding dress still on, she climbed in and drove off into the lush green forest of upstate New York. She kept the bouquet next to her in the front seat. With every mile there, she had dry eyes and yet a part of her wished she hadn't done that, especially since Joey looked as though he was about to cry right then and there. No way she could do that, though, even if it made her seem selfish and like a horrible person. She could already hear the accusations to her, especially after all this time and all the times she had chances to tell someone about it, but never did.
Everything that followed her out of the wedding was a blur but one thing stood out to her and that was the stunned look on Alex's face. It was a fleeting glimpse but she saw his mouth drop open and his eyebrows raise high up into his bangs. He had peeked behind her mother and Marla's big floppy sun hat accentuated the shape of his head in a way, so he was the last thing she saw as she stepped off of the altar: she didn't even look into Ruben's face given he sat right there before her.
It would be almost two hours before she spotted that ramshackle building in the trees again. Right up the street stood that familiar corridor in the trees: this time around, it had been cleared out enough to where she could walk through there without the worry of tearing her dress: it was a nice dress after all.
She walked along the soft earth until she reached the clearing that was the quiet place. She took her seat there on the rock at the edge there and she gazed up to the trees. A few songbirds made themselves known to her up there in the thick leafy branches. Not a cloud in the purest blue sky she had ever seen, either. She looked down at the little flowers that bloomed in the dark earth before her.
She thought about the road trip she had with Louie on the California coast. She thought about the trip up to Tahoe with Alex. Up the spine of California and over Donner Pass with Alex and Eric. The fact they took her to where Cliff's ashes were scattered, not once but twice.
She held Joey so close to her and yet she always found her way back to Testament, but there was no way she could readily admit that to anyone.
A beautiful day in upstate New York and one that she wanted to keep all to herself for the time being there in the quiet place.
She couldn't help it. Her heart was with another man, even with as much as she loved Joey.
Even with how much she wanted him for herself: the truth had presented itself to her there in her world.