The Girl In The Dollhouse

Part 5

My father met with my mother to sign a new custody agreement. I'm not going to get into the two different sides. All I know is the copy my mother gave me, which was an original.

I was at school, gazing at my crush, Owen. I was in the fifth grade. I accidentally went to open my locker, and slammed it into the head of someone. I was so sorry. I told the boy I was, and he said "oh, no it's okay it didn't hurt."

I thought to myself as I walked away "Hmmm... he's kind of cute too. Maybe I have two crushes now.

Jelissa brought me to visit her mother and show her the engagement ring. That was the first time I met her mother. And when I looked over by the other doorway to the kitchen, there was the same boy. I was stunned, and waved at him. I said "Oh hey." And he said, "oh, hey, I know you from somewhere."

I rushed and said "School."

Jelissa and my Mee Maw looked at me like I had three heads. Jelissa said,
"Raising, honey, this is my brother, Zane."

So, yeah... he was my uncle. And believe it or not we became great friends. Still are, and talk a lot. And no, I don't think he's cute anymore. He's like a brother to me, and we're the same age.

Anyways, my father sat at his computer one night, and Skype called my Tia, who lived in Florida. He told us a few weeks later that we would be moving there.

I left my friends behind. My school as well, and it was so difficult saying goodbye. Everything I knew was getting ripped out from under me.

We moved to Florida, after rehoming the German Shepherds, with my Uncle's help, because he had moved to Florida at the time, after he moved out of our old house.

While we lived in Florida, a lot actually happened. My father and stepmother left my siblings and I with Tia, while Jelissa had her  Section and delivered a healthy baby girl, who they named Lizzy.

It was right around the time she had Lizzy that she started hurting me.  But I won't go into too much detail. I would start with little things. Such as asking for a phone. Or asking to hang out with friends. And she would get mad at me for eating junk food at the after school program. And she would hit. With spoons, belts, hands. She was shorter than me and I very well could have hurt her. But I didn't. At least, not back then.

After Lizzy was born, we moved to my Tias house, and then to other uncle, Mario's, vacation home. When we lived there, I loved life so much.

I went to the a great school, met my first boyfriend there.

When my first boyfriend and I were together, I felt safe. He was a nerd, to be honest. But I felt like he cared about me. He was sweet, kind, and sensitive. My friends hooked us up at the time.

It was around late 2014 and early 2015, we found out about Avin Junior, the second pregnancy Jelissa was having. We lived with Tia, at the time, and Jelissa gathered everyone around the TV, popped the Disk in the player, and we found out the gender.

When Avin was born, we lived in Uncle Mario's house. And since Avin was a November 2015 baby, they used him for the nativity show st our catholic church as baby Jesus. He was the only baby I the church at that time. I was one of the three kings, Melanie and Josiah were Shepherds. Lizzy didn't come onto stage though.

I often am asked, "what's the scariest thing to happen to you as an older sister?"

Lizzy was the scariest thing to happen. Lizzy had a condition, where she would have periods of vomiting from acid reflux that were so severe, she needs a Nissen Tube placed. She had it for a while, and thankfully recovered. Being a half sister changed my point of view on life entirely, because I was so young when my siblings were growing up, that I didn't get to watch the the way I did Lizzy and Avin.

April of 2016, Avin was a baby but Lizzy wanted to go go go everywhere she could. So Jelissa walked us all over to the youth center across the street, where they had an Easter party, with the eater bunny. My second boyfriend I ever had, we're going to call him Kevin. Kevin, although our relationship was secret, agreed to meet me at the party. And he did. And when he met my stepmother she caught on right away that it was a set up, but still took photos with us kids and the Easter bunny mascot. In the photos I'm blushing beet red, because Kevin had whispered to me before the photo was taken that I looked adorable holding a baby... I was 14.

After she had Avin, the hurt Jelissa caused me got progressively worse. We had still lived there at Uncle Mario's vacation house. But now there was a therapist coming to the house to work with my brother and sister and I regarding our "bad behavior."

The thing is, we weren't even bad kids. We would go in and out of the house during the summer, sure. Or, we would play board games and leave pieces on the floor, or we would talk during church. The things we did did not justify the way Jelissa hurt us, and spanked us.

I'm sure somewhere a person is going to read that last line and say "discipline is okay."

Discipline is okay, but now when it includes stuff like telling us we were mistakes, that our mother should have never had us. Telling us that she loved her kids more than us.

What really got her in trouble the one day, was when I went into the sunroom to speak to my therapist, Ms. Bethany, when it was my turn.

She asked me why I looked sad, and I whispered to her, "Ms. Bethany, we learned about HIPAA in my medical skills class today. Did you know my parents hid a camera in this room?"

Though it didn't record audio, Ms. Bethany asked my parents to take the camera down, or she couldn't see us kids anymore.

The following week, I cried. I apologized to Ms. Bethany, telling her I was sorry I was crying. I explained to her that I missed my mother, and I missed my old life, and that I love both my half siblings, but their mother and I will never have a true bond.

My sister Melanie and Jelissa were right around the corner listening in.