The Girl In The Dollhouse

Part 12

Everything was going great until September of 2023 when I started having a sore throat and I went to the doctor to get checked out and  of the strep test, COVID tests, And flu tests that they ran on me came back negative. They told me to come back in a few weeks. I came back within a few days because the pain got worse. The same doctor checked me out and still told me to come back in a few weeks. I came back the next day because I felt like I wasn't being heard this time.

I had scheduled with a different person.  When I met with the doctor he was actually the doctor on my insurance card. So I felt a little bit safer. The doctor asked me what I had been experiencing. And I told him that there was a lump on my neck the size of a dime. He said that he wanted to check something out and he went up behind me while I was sitting in a chair and pushed on my neck. And asked if I could swallow when he pushed on the lump and I could not. So he said if the lump was still there by October, which was in a few weeks, to give him a call and they would order an ultrasound.  I tried to call over and over. And nobody at the doctor's office would pick up. I ended up waiting a whole month before I could get an appointment with this same doctor who helped me, and when he finally saw the size of the lump that it had grown he was very concerned, so he sent me for the ultrasound and the ultrasound showed that I had nodules in my thyroid, as well as enlargement of my thyroid, also known as Goiter.

Keep in mind that I had nodules in my lung. Back in 2019. Now in 2022, at that time i knew about my genetics more, come to find out this is all being caused by a gene mutation in my chromosome 14 known as the dicer gene. Chromosome 14 mutations of the dicer gene can cause cancer in multiple places on the body varying from person to person.

So now we know what's causing the lump on my neck. The next step was to find
a thyroid surgeon.  But first, we had to find out what was causing the lumps. There was only one lump on the right hand side of my thyroid that was concerning, so they biopsied it, and with a fine needle aspiration they determined from that sample that it was cystic and all they did was take a little bit of fluid from it. I started around that time to experience flu like symptoms. And sure enough, on the weeks before New years, I had to fight COVID. It was much worse this time than it was in 2021, since I didn't get my booster shot.
I stopped breathing twice during the wait for the EMTs to get there. It was the scariest moment of our lives.

They had scheduled a second biopsy with the first one being in December right before Christmas Eve, they wanted to wait a few months and then get a second one so they waited until the Friday before Easter. They did the fine needle aspiration again. Keep in mind they had to knock me out with Fentanyl and Versed both biopsies.

But this time, they took fluid completely out of the cystic nodule, and a sample of the new nodule that had showed up, which was causing me more pain than the cystic, and I was choking on liquids and foods, because I couldn't swallow.

The biopsy came back with potential for being a follicular thyroid cancer so I ended up meeting with my surgeon and the surgeon said that he wanted to remove my whole thyroid. We scheduled it, and left.

After the biopsy though, Tim and I went to a baseball game on April 10.  And I had started feeling pain a few days before but I really wanted to go to the baseball game on April 12th. Because it was the first game of the season. I was a little sore still but otherwise okay.

I started having cramps and I thought, I was just getting my period or maybe, I had eaten something that I wasn't supposed to. Since I'm allergic to soy, I tried taking my hydroxyzine. But to my shock it did not help.

So I told Tim that I had to go to the bathroom and I left the stand to use the bathroom. When I got to the bathroom. I noticed that I was spotting, but thought it was no big deal.

I thought it was my period so I slapped a pad on my undies and I went back out. When I went back to the stand the cramping got progressively worse to a point that I was squeezing onto Tim's hand as the pain increased. I told him, can we please go home? And even though we had paid for the tickets, he agreed.

Yes, we ubered home and when we got home, we got into an argument about not staying at the Game I told him I was sorry but I was in too much pain. I tried laying down on the bed with the heating pad. And it didn't seem to help, but I was able to get a little bit of sleep before the pain started getting increasingly worse. I wouldn't take Tylenol because I wasn't sure how my body would react to it.

After taking the hydroxyzine and eating all of that food so I told him I was getting up to use the bathroom. At about 11:30 PM. He was watching train videos on his phone.  I sat down to use the toilet and saw that I had a purple glob in my underwear and I freaked out and I called him into the room and I told him I lost another one and that was all I could say before I started bursting into tears. I heard him get up off the bed. And the next thing I knew he was holding me while I was sitting on the toilet crying my eyes out over my underwear. He asked if we had another miscarriage and I told him yes.  The next day I went for an ultrasound that my OBGYN had ordered STAT.

We went to a lab that was 30 minutes away from us just to get an internal ultrasound to find out that my tissue was passed correctly during the miscarriage. And we did not need a DNC.

It was around this time that my stepmother found out about the miscarriage. I would say my stepmother found out about my miscarriage a few days after it happened and instead of telling me that she was sorry for my loss, she told me that I was stupid. And should have worn protection, because I would've been selfish by risking my child getting the same cancer or a different cancer than I have.

I made it very clear to her that I was not going to argue about my body decisions, because it was my body and not hers. I was no longer a minor and she could not tell me what to do.  If I wanted to make love to the person I was in love with, I was damn well going to do it, and there was nothing she was going to do about it or say about it.

I'm not even in the same state as her anymore.

After enduring that little episode. I decided to block her for a little bit. And eventually I did unblock her because I forgive people too easily.

Afyer we lost the baby I started collecting my reborns again.  And I currently have 2 reborns with 3 on the way, 2 of which are toddlers and one of which is a Preemie reborn doll that is a silicone that is a gift from my friend from the reborn community. I'm going to see my mom this weekend as I'm finishing this book. And hopefully, that goes well, and we can maybe go out to eat as well. Although we don't do that much anymore.