Talk Nerdy to Me

Chapter 26: Meltdown

Summary:

The combination of stress that has built up for Ra has hit a melting point, and she has a mini-meltdown. Both Ra and Chris acknowledge their attraction in their own minds... and promptly choose to ignore it.

Chapter Text

Japan reminded Ra heavily of Korea, in that the sheer volume of humanity that could be present in a single city was out, often walking or bicycling all around. The press of bodies near her was enough to feel suffocating. She felt like she was hiding her overwhelmed nerves well on the metro, until Han squeezed around the others, holding her hand in his. He whispered to her, voice pitched for her ears only.

"You've got 'this is too much' written all over you," he said. "How can I help?"

Ra took a shallow breath, her lips squeezed together so tightly they disappeared. She shook her head quickly.

"Can't talk?"

She nodded.

"That's bad. Do you want a hug?"

She paused. Took stock of her head space, her sensory sensitivity. She shook her head slowly. Anyone touching her right this minute, beyond the soothing thumb he ran on her knuckles, would tip her over. Not make it better. A whoosh of air left Han.

"How about my headphones? They cancel sound even if you're not listening to music."

She nodded, grateful for a reprieve that might do the trick. She had seen other autistic people wear noise canceling headphones before. Han dug through his bag, producing the pair, and slid them on over her hat. The relief was immediate. She could still hear some because the hat kept it from sealing to her ears, but it was enough to minimize the noise of the metro. That made the press of humanity near them all this side of bearable. Han nodded.

"We'll get you a set, soon as we can," Han said, his voice muffled.

Ra hid her face in his hoodie. She found her voice. "Thank you."

Han's hand patted her shoulder. "Hey, I've been there. Tokyo is a lot." He leaned down, and added. "Chan used to give me his all the time. I'd forget mine."

Ra giggled nervously, the thought making her feel better about needing them. She was still getting used to having friends who could meet her needs, rather than always being the other way around.

It was odd thinking of herself as the protected, instead of the protector. It was odd again thinking that she had somehow managed to protect so many others without being able to protect herself.

The thought did occur to her to learn self defense, but when, and how, and what, eluded her. Her defense strategies so far had been running, which had gotten her out of most scrapes, a clever mind, and sheer dumb luck. The fact that Chris had come across her in the alley, had come back when she didn't text him, and then had come running at the hotel in Paris...

Three times, he had saved her life. She glanced at him from where she stood next to Han and Felix and Hyunjin. He was talking to Jin about the schedule for that evening. Busy, as they ever were. If anything, their schedules were even more packed here in Tokyo than they were in Paris. There wouldn't be any down time to film Tiktoks or watch another group perform, not here.

At some point, it had been decided that Ra would accompany them to as many of the interviews, grand openings, commercial shoots, as she could, anyway. Since her decision had been to go from youngest to oldest, that meant she was following the maknae line.

First things first, though, they had to check into their hotel for the night and get showers. Ra was already feeling off from the metro, so when they got into the hotel and found that they were out of both suites and adjoining rooms, she was done.