Talk Nerdy to Me

Chapter 17: Dress Rehearsal Part 2

Summary:

Ra finishes the rehearsal show, at long last getting to see her friends in their element.

Chapter Text

Ra had never felt this way before in her life.

Euphoria of a kind she'd thought was only in her dreams, dreams so real they could swallow her whole. NMIXX finished their set, and another group called P1Harmony came next with a song called Back Down. She could feel the bass line in her very bones, and closed her eyes at the feeling of being tightly squeezed by harmonizing.

Around her, Kpop artists enjoyed the music, audience members to a private show interspersed with stage directions, testing lights, and experimenting with sound. Ra found that Lily was a wonderful seat mate. The energy from her was infectious.

Not all of the songs played were ones that sent Ra into a tizzy, but those and the stage directions gave her a much needed break from the highs the others gave. She found herself stimming to That That, something that she tried to hide. She stopped herself almost as soon as she had started, upset with herself that she couldn't even enjoy that much. It discolored the overwhelming ecstasy she'd felt at NMIXX's show.

Chris leaned over to her. "It's okay to dance here, Ra. Let it in."

Ra didn't realize that he had been serious about watching her. She turned her head and saw that he was nodding his head to the beat. On his other side, Felix was head-banging, his blonde hair flying with its ferocity. She looked around, and realized... the entire room was moving to the beat, a catchy song that made even the most stoic of them at least nod like Chris was.

She couldn't help it. She burst into tears.

"Not the reaction I was expecting," Chris said, taking her chin in his hand. She tried to cover her face, and Lily noticed what was going on. Quietly, Chris led her away to a hallway outside the venue. Ra did her best to get ahold of herself. She was surprised to find that Lily had followed.

"Hey hey hey," he pulled her into a powerful hug. "Was it too much?"

Ra didn't answer at first. She ran through breathing exercises, through grounding techniques, and everything skittered off her mind like water evaporating on a hot skillet. She jumped at the feeling of another hand on her back, and then relaxed when she realized it was offered in comfort. The touch did what all else hadn't.

"I don't know," she mumbled, sniffling softly. "It was a lot. And I... I don't... I love it. I do. It's just..."

"Ra, look at me," Chris said. She lifted her eyes up, struck by how handsome he looked in his stage makeup. It was a thought that filtered through everything else. "You can always step outside, or go backstage, or come out here. You can always dance."

She tucked her chin down, listening still to the faint music. "Was that dancing? I was stimming."

Lily broke in. "Ohhh, you're autistic! I should have figured that out."

"I'm also auditory tactile synaesthesia," Ra said, hiding her face again.

"Oh shit," Lily breathed. "That's got to feel... amazing. And overwhelming."

Ra nodded.

"Well no wonder you're overwhelmed," Lily said. "Come on, dance with me out here."

Ra looked up at Chris, panicked.

"She's never tried," he said, a comforting squeeze with his words.

"It's like stimming, but on purpose," Lily said, reaching out to take her hands. "Look, watch my feet."