Australian Zombie Guide

Tip 4

So if you are reading this then you're not DEAD! YAY!

Today's lesson is weapons. Ok so you need to know how to make a weapon out of anything that's around you.

This could be a chair, small table, steak knifes or a frying pan. Yes, I know these weapons come from limited places and its hard to think of it as a weapon.

For example: you are in your home getting chased by your mum (aka meat-bag). She is drooling over at the sight of her first meal. Your mum is in the Lounge room and you are in the kitchen. You have nothing on you except a frying pan on the counter.

You have three choices.

A) Use the frying pan to smash your mothers freaking head, therefore killing her.

B) Try reasoning with your mum and eventually she pounces on you and your now dead.

C) Or take your chances and get past her to the front door and run the streets where there would most likely be more zombies.

So, what's your answer? Hmmm, ok if you picked -B- then sorry mate you and your mama both burning in hell, from your stupid mistake.

If you picked -C- then you have a 25% chance of living. The winner is....A. If you smash your mamas head to the ground then you have a 70% chance of living the next hour.

So from learning this you can use about anything for a weapon, indoors or outdoors. But to give you some advice I would keep that pan, just incase.

So, what have you learned so far?

Yes you learned: the three ways to kill a zombie, fatties and elderly go first from their stamina, the amount of group survivors you can allow and that you can use anything as a weapon to kill your dead mamma.

*kicking mums head way from the body*

So to round of this lesson, you can make a weapon out of anything.

And remember to embrace your imitate death and know that there is no way I can save you from the meat-bags.

HAPPY HUNTING!!