Three Years and Beyond (BoyxBoy)

I. Anyone can be an idiot.

"Haru..."

"I'm sorry Makoto, but I could never see you as more than a friend."

Those words...

I never thought that they could hurt so much.

I have been in love with my childhood friend ever since the word love made sense to me, and it was only before we graduated that I decided to confess to him. I already knew that it wouldn't turn the way I want, but at least I want Haru to know how important he is to me, how my world only revolves around him. I already knew that there is a huge possibility our relationship will never be the same after I confess, but I still went for it anyway. I still went and told him how I really felt for the past years. The truth is, I have been hoping and expecting that somehow Haru would feel the same way, but by the time those words reached my ears, the hope I have been clinging to shattered to a million pieces, wounding my heart, making it impossible to breathe. After that, I have never seen Haru again.

"I'm such a jerk. I should've just accepted the fact that we will never be more than friends. Instead I ran away because I'm scared, because I'm a coward. I should've faced rejection head on. I'm really an idiot."

"Don't say that Mako-chan. Your confessing was really brave in the first place. Well, the thing about running away was not exactly the right thing to do but, it can't be helped right? You were hurt because of the rejection. There's no doubt that you just want to escape and disappear."

"Still Nagisa. I should've talked to Haru and apologize. It's been 3 years already. He's in Australia now and I want to know what he's been up to. I wish I could just see him and talk to him to clear everything up."

"Say Mako-chan, do you still love Haru-chan?"

"I d-don't know. I honestly don't know."

Do I still love Haru? Yes, but I don't want to admit it. The hurt that I felt after I confessed still lingers inside me. Nagisa and Rei always tell me to try to move on and find someone that could make me happy, but I couldn't. I don't want to betray Haru, no, I don't want to betray my feelings for him. He will never feel the same way about me, but I'm still being such an idiot dreaming that someday he would come to me and tell me that what he said 3 years ago were all lies, the he loves and wants to be by my side.

For 3 years, I'm still hoping.

"I'm really an idiot."

While contemplating about my feelings and thinking how of and idiot I am, my phone rang.

"Who could be calling at this hour? Hmm, an unknown number? H-hello?"

"Makoto? Is this Tachibana Makoto? This is Haru. It's been a while..."

Haru?

"... I couldn't contact you for a long time. I want to see you. I'm actually here in Japan for a vacation..."

Haru is here? In Japan?

"... I have already contacted Nagisa and Rei. I wish we could meet as soon as possible. Makoto? Makoto are you there?"

Why is he here? Why?

*sob*

Before I knew it I was crying. I know Haru could hear my stifled cries but I couldn't help it. The feeling I felt 3 years ago is coming back to me. He keeps calling my name but I couldn't answer. I want to tell him I still love him. I love him so much that it's hard for me to forget and move on.

For a moment I heard silence. I know he's giving me time. I calmed down a bit and decided to answer him, for old time's sake.

"Haru! It's been a while!"

I tried my best to sound cheerful, though my eyes couldn't stop the tears flowing.

"Um, about your offer, yes it would be great to see you! Where and when would you want to meet?"

I'm really an idiot.

--------------------------

"Mako-chan!"

I heard Nagisa calling out to me. We said to meet at 4 pm outside the sushi joint we used to hangout back in the days.

"I'm sorry for being late Nagisa. My classmates held me out for a bit. They needed help for the upcoming festival so I stayed for awhile and gave them a hand. Where are the others?"

"They're inside! Me and Rei-chan came here early so we decided to order for everyone."

I'm nervous.

"How about Haru?"

I'm going to see Haru again.

"He's inside. With..."

With? He's with someone? Don't tell me it's Rin.

"With who Nagisa?"

Not Rin, please.

"W-with Rin-chan."

Honestly I completely forgotten about Rin. I was too busy crying myself out that I forgot about him, and the fact that maybe Haru could not accept my feelings was because he feels that way with Rin. For 3 years I always thought that Haru only sees me as a friend because we've been together ever since childhood and the idea of having a male partner is not really welcomed. It never came to my mind that maybe he's in love with Rin. It made all sense now. He came to Australia with Rin not only because he wants to swim professionally, but because he wanted to be by his side. I'm such a fool for not realizing this. I have been too selfish that I haven't though of Haru's happiness. He wants to be happy with Rin, but I ran away instead and burdened him with my own feelings. I should have been happy for Haru...

"Mako-chan? Mako-chan?"

I snapped back to reality and realized Nagisa has been waving his hand in front of my face and calling me out.

"Sorry Nagisa. I spaced out."

Nagisa gave me an apologetic look. Ever since Haru went to Australia he's been the one I always go to. He hears me out every time I'm having a hard time, but it's always about Haru though. He and Rei are the only people who knew how I feel about Haru and I'm really thankful to them.

"Come on Mako-chan. Everyone's been waiting."

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Yay! You have reached the end of chapter 1! Thank you for going this far. Please feel free to comment and all. :D