That Rainy Day

7| Butterflies

Evelyn's POV:

People describe their first love in a lot of ways. Some say that it's like a beautiful flower that blooms and then wilts. But I would describe it as a butterfly that lands on a flower and moves on. Why? Because your first love passes by gracefully yet it would still be a beautiful memory since it was your first.

It doesn't last forever. I kind of understand Jake better in this timeline. But I don't know him as a person. What are his feelings? What is he thinking? We never really talked after the movies nor did we hang out.

Class ended a lot earlier today because of the storm.
Ah, shoot I knew that I had forgotten something!
"Need this?" Huh? This voice sounds familiar. "Jake?! You scared me!" You may be wondering why we didn't hang out afterward and I do too. "I'll walk your home." What is this feeling?

I was scared that Jake would be the guy who simply passed by leaving me with beautiful memories of my school days. As there will be many butterflies who will pass by but, not all will stay. Perhaps it is time that I come to accept it.

The next day at school I didn't approach him or even waved. "Evelyn, did I do something wrong?! Are you okay?" It was him again. I hated the fact that he gave me so much hope.

At that point, everyone around us was already looking, including Kalani. "Why don't you go away? Live your life to the fullest and stop bothering me!" I didn't mean that. "Evelyn...I don't understand you. Sometimes you would be friendly to me but...other times you would push me away."

Before I had even realized it, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop it. I decided it would be best to run away and hide so, nobody would see but it was already too late. But even though it was too late I still ran and, as  I ran, I heard an echoing voice calling my name. It was Jake.

"Hey!" A female's voice?! I opened the restroom stall and Kalani was standing there outside. "What do you want?"

"Nothing... I just don't understand why you're acting like this. You have everything you know?" What was she saying? "What do you mean by that?" You may think that I'm being sarcastic but, I don't understand what she's saying.

"You know, if I were you, I would enjoy life a bit more.

I don't know why I'm acting like this. In the past I would never complain about my life but, for the first time, I felt regret. Regret, that I've never expressed myself enough and, because of this everything ended up being too much to handle. Regret that I couldn't fix my fate.

Everything and everyone were no longer the same. Or perhaps maybe I have changed. From a girl who is optimistic to a person who's scared of taking leaps and risks.

Not all butterflies will stay...  I already knew that. But, almost like a storm I suddenly feel lost in my own emotions. I no longer know what the world expects from me.

Pushing people away isn't my thing. It had always been running away from my problems. "Dad...I'm home." Every day is almost the same scene. The same loop. He was there with another flower.

He was a butterfly who simply wanted to drink the nectar and then fly away like nothing happened. A player and the game. I should be used to it now but, the truth is I'm not.

"Oh, it's you. Just go to your room and be quiet."
But, despite my efforts no one understands. The safest place. The place that felt like home was my room. The only place where I would be able to express my darkest feelings without being shamed.

Knowing that I could've changed my fate by standing up for myself but, couldn't make me not want to take charge of anyone else's. Having someone's fate in my hand makes me scared. Huh? Oh, a text from Jake.

[Evelyn, are you ok?]
{I'm fine. I just got a bit emotional today. I'm sorry.}
[Evelyn, let's meet.]
{Right now?!}

I decided it would be best to be honest with him so, I came out. "Evelyn! Thanks for coming out here!"
"I guess I wanted to talk to you so..." This is awkward. "Well?"

"Remember the question you asked me? The question that you asked this morning and, this evening. "Yeah, I do." This is the right path, isn't it?

"I wasn't fine. Nobody seems to know that I have feelings. Recently, you've been hanging out with Kalani more. Most importantly I wanted to ask what happened after the movies. Why did you start to ignore me?

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize you felt that way. I didn't mean to hurt you. I hung out with her because I thought she would stop."

At that very moment, I realized emotions can be powerful in good ways and bad. Emotions can cause you to do things you usually would've never done. Sometimes, it can even be more powerful than fate. And, the only emotion that can beat fate now is determination...