Falling Apart

Toby

"Shit," I muttered as I dropped the box of buttons. They spilled everywhere.

"Toby you're scaring me," Alex said.

"I'm fine! Just leave!" I sobbed.

I collected all the buttons and started organizing them by size and color in groups of 4. Whenever my OCD gets bad I start organizing anything I can find. Everything has to be in even numbers, preferably 4, but as long as it's even I can handle it.

"Toby I'm coming in," Alex said, picking at the lock.

Shit. He's gonna think I'm a freak.

I wiped my tears trying to slow my breathing down. He came in. The door opened and he came in. He stared at the mess of buttons I was organizing. I don't even need this many buttons. I bought a pack a while back for some project but I only used a few.

"Toby what's going on?"

I started sobbing. I couldn't breathe. It just felt like I had no control over anything.

He sat down next to me and hugged me. He didn't say anything. I sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I croaked.

"Toby what are you apologizing for? What's going on?"

I tried to speak but I couldn't. I was struggling to breathe.

"Toby, look at me. Deep breaths, I'm right here. In... and out."

He helped me slow my breathing and calm down a bit.

"Toby, talk to me. What's going on?"

"I uh- have OCD.. sometimes it gets really bad and my anxiety will be through the roof. It just makes me feel better to organize stuff I guess. I don't know, it's embarrassing, sorry."

"It's not embarrassing. It's not your fault. Thank you for telling me. Listen, when it starts to get bad, come to me and I'll try and help as best as I can. Get your mind off of it."

"Thank you Alex, you're a good friend."

"Of course. Here, let's put these away and I'll text the group chat. We should hang out again, I had a great time yesterday."

"I did too," I wiped my eyes.

He helped me clean up the buttons. I hated just throwing them into a bag. It made me anxious. We texted the group chat.

Alex: guys Toby and I wanna do smth come with
Me: pleaseeee
Will: I'm sleepy
Tom: I'm not sure I can, my dad may get mad at me lol- I can't wait to move out

Read by Karl

Karl didn't answer.

Alex: will we'll get you some coffee
Me: guys come over pls
Will: fineeee
Tom: I'll be there
Me: Karl wbu?

He didn't answer again. He didn't even open it this time.

Me: does anyone know where karl is
Tom: idk
Will: not sure- he's not answering anyone

I texted him separately.

Me: karl u good? Wanna come over? Tommy and will are coming too

Read 9:38 AM

Me: karl? Why aren't u answering?
Karl: sorry
Me: all good but what's wrong?
Karl: nothing, was busy
Me: ok can u come over?
Karl: idk
Me: pleaseeeee
Karl: alr I'll try
Me: YAY thanks
Me: u sure ur okay?
Karl: I'm fine

That's odd. I'll check on him when he's here.

Tommy came first. It was 85 degrees Fahrenheit outside and he was wearing a hoodie. The man is insane.

Will came with Karl, he picked him up. I made some coffee for him because he did look really tired. Karl looked exhausted so I offered him some too but he declined.

"Karl, you okay? You look exhausted," I pulled him aside.

"I just didn't sleep well last night."

"Karl.."

"Toby I'm fine."

"Okay, sorry."

Tom said he was hungry so I put out some food for everyone. Karl stared blankly at it but never touched it. Alex looked anxious the whole time he was eating.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, be right back," Alex said.

"Has anyone noticed he always goes to the bathroom after he eats?" Tom said, saying what I was thinking.

"I'll go check on him," Will said.

"Karl? You okay?" Tom asked.

"Yes I'm fine," he sighed, annoyed.

"Oh shit my dad's calling," Tom said. "I'll be right back."

He left the room to answer the call. I sat down next to Karl.

"Karl..."

"What Toby? I said I'm fine."

"Somethings clearly wrong. I don't mean to pry but you haven't eaten anything today and yesterday you barely touched your salad."

Tears filled his eyes but he didn't say anything.

"You can trust me, Karl."

"I just.. don't eat normally."

"What do you mean?" I think I know what he means, I'm just hoping I'm wrong.

"I uh- I'm anorexic."

My heart dropped. I already had a hunch but hearing him say it killed me.

He wiped his eyes and didn't say anything.

"Oh Karl," I didn't know what to say. I wrapped my arms around him. "I'm so sorry."

He sniffled as he tried not to burst into tears. He was holding his breath.

"I'm so sorry Karl. Is there anything I can do?" I pulled away to look him in the eyes.

"I don't know," he mumbled.