Earth is Dying

9 - (Layla's POV)

Atlas Montana is going to be the death of me. Quite literally, I have no clue what he was thinking when he decided to sneak into my room but I have to admit it did kind of wow me. I've never had a boy show interest in me before. I had Milo but he didn't even like me, and once I got here he never even wrote back to me. Atlas seems like the type of person to write me back 5 times the letters I would send him. Atlas seems like the type of guy that would give me the world but I can't trust him, not so quickly, even though my heart is telling me to give him my whole soul and everything I have. After Miles ditched me and my parents died, I've had my mind set on not getting close to anyone anymore. That's why I spend the majority of my time in the garden by myself. It's because I'm scared that the people I get close with will leave me because, well, they have to one way or another. Even if Atlas likes me, which I know he does now that he has gone to such an extreme length to see me, I can't be with him forever. People either abandon you on earth or they die and your relationship is over, so what's the point anyways. 50% of people get divorced, and even in marriages that work out, there's no way you can be in a relationship and not hurt a person. It just isn't worth it to me. I know that I have feelings for Atlas, and because of how far he has gone for me I'm willing to be friends with him, but that's it. I'm promising myself this, to save myself from future hurt: Me and Atlas Montana are, and always will be just friends, nothing more.

It's for the best, and as I look into his eyes as he's explaining to me why he snuck into my room, I try to convince myself that nothing is worth the pain of heartbreak, and when it comes down to it that's all that love is: a future pain you can never get rid of. I've heard from so many people, well actually more books than people that you don't know what life is until you've experienced love before. But if all love means heartache then maybe I don't want to live that way, or maybe I don't want to live at all.

With all that being said, I don't think I can reject Atlas's plan to sneak out to the garden. Even though I only want to be friends with him, he went such a long way to prove that he's actually interested in getting to know me, something no one else here has done. Even though I've loved being alone, the thought of having someone to talk to here, hang out with, and just be around is something I never thought I could have. I've been so comfortable being completely by myself, but after seeing how far Atlas went to prove that he liked me made me have a desire I never knew I could have again: a desire to have a friend. I know that sneaking out of the orphanage isn't the safest plan, and it's something I probably shouldn't be doing but the thought of it feels exhilarating to me. I feel like sneaking out, and sleeping in the garden for a night would make me feel like a teenager again. Living in the orphanage, I don't have many opportunities to have fun or feel normal, so to think that other kids my age are sneaking out at the same time I am brings some normalcy in my life and I realize I don't want to pass this up. Plus, I know the girls can cover for me if a volunteer comes in, but since Mrs. Hannah already did, i don't think another volunteer will. Atlas is standing by the door, peaking his head out and making sure the coast is clear. I feel like a spy, going on a top secret mission trying not to get caught and I cant help but to laugh to myself. Atlas stops peaking out of the door and turns his head towards me.

"Are you coming Layla?", he asks, as he adjusts his hoodie to make sure he's perfectly disguised.

"Well, if I didn't you would've risked your life for nothing," I answer him.

He chuckles, and there's that smile again. I see the same smile as I did the first day I met him, the smile that made the sun seem brighter, and the world like a better place. I brush my thoughts away. "We better get going then, the night's not getting any younger he says," and with that, I tell the girls the perfect excuse to use just in case a volunteer comes in. Mrs. Hannah already thinks I'm on my period, so the girls will tell her I went to the storage room to get more supplies and some Advil and I'll be back soon. It's a perfect plan and there's no way it can go wrong. With the plan set in place, me and Atlas move forward to our mission : escaping the orphanage. We step out of the door, and because it's dark and hes the one in front he offers me his hand so he can lead the way out. I guess since I haven't directly told him yet, he doesn't know I still don't want to date him, so I reject his offer to have me hold his hand. I know that upsets him, because he tenses up for a second and looks like he wants to say something, but he decides not to. I can tell by the risky plan of us sneaking out and me now rejecting his hand holding, he's really embarrassed and awkward. As we navigate the halls, which seem a lot longer than they actually are now that we're trying to escape, he's more anxious and moves a lot faster than before which almost makes me lose him, something I didn't know would affect me this much.