EYES FORWARD-Maya Bishop

add it up

grey's anatomy // s15 e18 // add it up

Everything the day after felt terrible for Emma. Waking up was especially hard. So was getting out of bed. Which is why Emma decided to stay in bed. The knock on her door was also unwelcomed, but that wasn't different from any other day.

"Go away." Emma groaned into her pillow. The door swung open, Alex quickly making himself welcome and digging through Emma's messy room. "Intrusive much?"

"I'm taking you to therapy."

"But-"

"No, you're not bailing." Alex insisted. "You said you need help and I'm gonna get you help."

"I hate you." Emma groaned again as Alex forcibly pulled her body up from her arm.

"Get dressed. Now." He threw her clothes back at her. "I'll be back in five minutes."

"And what if I'm not dressed by then?"

"Then I get your sisters involved. All of them."

"I'm not even kidding anymore. I hate you."

"Love you too." Alex kissed the temple of Emma's head, returning the door to its previously closed state.

XXX

"Oh wow." Maya scoffed, leaning back onto her bed as if it would somehow shield her from Emma's words.

"Oh wow?" Emma repeated back to the blonde firefighter.

"It's just- I told Andy and Vic that I thought something was wrong with us and they- they told me off. I can't believe I was actually right."

"Maya, I-" Emma paused, unsure what words would comfort Maya then and there. "There's not a problem with us. There's a problem with me."

"What do you mean a problem with you?"

"Maya-"

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Are-" Emma couldn't listen to it anymore.

"I'm not happy, Maya."

XXX

Emma hated the fact that she was in a therapist's office. Fidgeting with her hands, she recalled memories of her mother, Ellis, constantly insulting therapists that she encountered in her day to day life at the hospital, but more specifically, she mocked the profession, the idea that talking could make you feel better.

"Your hands. What makes you want to do that?" Across from her sat her new shrink, Doctor Elizabeth Chapman. The brunette pushed her glasses farther up her nose with her free hand as she looked at the surgeon's nervous tick.

"Oh, uh..." Emma pushed her hands to either side of her body. "I don't know. I guess I just do it when I'm anxious sometimes. Sometimes when I'm upset too, I guess."

"Well, why are you feeling anxious right now?"

"I mean, it's not like I enjoy being analyzed by a shrink."

"If you don't want to call me your therapist you can call me your helper." Doctor Chapman offered.

Emma scoffed. "What am I in the second grade or something?"

"Okay, so we've covered why you're anxious." She said slowly, scribbling down a few miniscule notes on her paper. "Now, why do you feel upset?"

"Why do I feel upset?" Emma repeated back to her, offended, as if she should already know her problem. "I'm upset because I felt so broken I ended the best relationship I've ever had because I was afraid of dragging my girlfriend down with me."