joshler oneshots

we don't believe what's on tv

it seemed tyler's whole body shook in fear as he collapsed to the ground, ignoring the shards of glass on the kitchen tile. he closed his eyes and tried to disregard the thoughts in his mind, but he couldn't. he let the emotions take over and instantly he was a sobbing mess, in a pile of his own blood and tears. the glass on the floor cut his knees but he couldn't bring himself to give a shit, my mind was in pain so my body might as well have been too.

tyler and josh had a really big fight, and he had no idea how to fix it.

tyler didn't bother wiping his tears anymore, his cheeks were already sore and he knew he wouldn't stop crying anytime soon.

tyler was a bad boyfriend, and he knew it. he loves josh, he'd go to earth's ends for him, do everything to make him happy, but sometimes josh just wasn't happy. tyler is shy, and his constant anxiety of not being good enough for him or not doing things right messed everything up, and he ran josh away.

he knows why he did; josh ran because he thinks he doesn't care. which wasn't true in the slightest way, he had strange ways of showing it. this was the first functional relationship tyler had been in and it was scary.

who knows if he will ever come back, tyler's mind scolded him. he knows it's right. he fucked up, real bad. and now before he could realize his mistake, he made the person he loved the most leave. and he hates himself for it.

tyler was tired, and not in the sleeping kind of way.

~

it was 4 am. tyler was in his bed, staring at the wall. he has been doing this for the last three hours. and before that, he cleaned a vase josh shattered and tyler cut himself on, but it's okay he deserved it.

he turned on his side, missing josh's body next to him, his breath tickling his neck and hands roaming his body in a chaste way. josh's sent lingered on the sheets, so he turned the other way, facing to the other side that was almost hanging off the bed. the blanket was in the living room, but he didn't want to even be in the room everything happened in. he laid without one. he wasn't cold. well, in the way a blanket could fix.

before tyler knew it, the front door was opening and he heard footsteps near his bedroom. he remained in his position, not expecting the lamp on josh's side to turn on and the bed dip to his left. warm arms wrapped around him from before and tyler winced but didn't move away, didn't turn around. he was too scared to overstep his boundaries and scare him off again, and in all honesty, was scared of josh. he was so angry, his veins were popping and his voice was loud and dark and terrifying to listen too.

"tyler, look at me. don't be afraid." josh said softly, nudging him. he slowly turned and met josh's eyes, but not before long. he looked back down at the bed sheets.

both of the boys said nothing. they just sat in silence, occasionally glancing at each other.

"i didn't mean to scare you earlier. did i hurt you?"

no. i hurt myself. i did this, this is all my fault. the yelling, the throwing, the cuts on my knees from the glass you threw.

"no."

after a long silence, josh spoke.

"do you love me?"

tyler swallowed the lump in his throat and his eyes watered.

"no! i hate you... i hate that i love you... i love you so fucking much, fuck." tyler rambled, and rubbed his face with his hands.

"it doesn't seem like it. you don't need to lie to me, just tell me you don't ever want to see me and i won't be a bother anymore-"

tyler perked up immediately. "can you shut up? i fucking love you. i do. so fucking much."

"well, it doesn't seem like it." josh's voice was thick, you could hear him choking up. he put his face down on the bed and you could tell he was silently crying.

it was official, tyler hated himself. he hated that he made the most beautiful person in the world cry. he was a monster.

another long silence. tyler was ripping himself apart from the inside out as he just rubbed josh's back as he cried, occasionally pressing kisses to his neck.

"fuck, i hate this. i hate myself. i know it doesn't see like i love you, but i do. i could write a whole novel about you, about us." he starts. josh looks at him, eyes red.

"really, i listen more than you think i do. i can prove it. you think your middle name sounds lame but i think it's cute and professional. you taught yourself the drums. you have the most beautiful eyes, and you're insecure about how they look but i just adore them so much, especially when you laugh. god, you're laugh. it makes me want to cry of happiness every time you laugh.

you remind me of a koala bear. you are cute like one and you cuddle good. you act like a tough, punk guy who eats nails for breakfast, but no one actually believes you - you're a sweetheart and would never hurt a fly.

"you love kittens, i know you do. you made me record you trying to lure a stray one to you, but it ran away. you were sad, but i knew you'd be okay. you love asking my opinions on your hair color, and you ramble on about how i made the best choice. even though i don't care whats in your hair, i just want to know whats on your mind.

"you always order a sweet tea with lemon whenever we eat out. when you're watching tv or reading, you make a cute face that scrunches at the eyes and nose, and whenever you agree with or like something on the tv, you'll nod absent-mindlessly. i know all of these things don't matter but to me they do and they are the things i love and admire the most about you, and those were only a few.

"don't give up on me josh, i need to know that when i fail, you'll still be here. i want you to have faith in me and to trust me. this can't be the end of us, you're the love of my life. i promise i'll get better. i'll show more affection, even when i'm shy. i'll talk to you more, and act like im listening even though i always am. you know, i used to say i want to die before im old but because of you i might think twice. i want to grow old with you and be happy with you, have kids and get married. i want to do it all, as long as its with yo-"

before tyler could finish, josh was taking tyler's face in his hands and pressed their lips together firmly. it was so full of emotion, and you could tell they missed the feeling. josh's hands moved to tyler's hips and gripped them like if he let go he'd slip away.

"I love you so much," tyler panted as he crawled on top of josh, tossing their shirts off.

and that night, at 4 something in the morning, tyler showed josh how much he loved him.

{i wrote this at 4 am. it's day one of summer break. i tried to sleep but my mind wouldn't shut up until i wrote this. im tired. also you should vote, only if you want.}