𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐭𝐬𝐚𝐦 | 𝐏𝐚𝐜𝐑𝐢𝐦/𝐈𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐏

𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐍𝐒 machine used this third time around is quite a bit better than the scrappy thing Newt used the first time. A good thing for Charlie, but it doesn't make much of a difference to the other.

Newt is the first to exit, and he feels a drip down his nose, black hitting the bottom of his shirt. Real. Just like with Alice in his old apartment. Just like with precursors in his brain and ruined tattoos in his bathroom.

He wipes it with his sleeve and ignores the stain it leaves on white fabric. Ignores how much it guilts him to leave yet another stain on white fucking fabric. Ignores the knowing look on Hermann's face that already says far too much. Ignores the fact that Hermann knows far too fucking much.

And then Charlie is out. Less accustomed to this as Newt has been. His eyes water, and Newt knows what he's thinking, reliving.

"It didn't work," Newt whispers. Lightcap curses under her breath and Tendo shakes his head.

Hermann is the first to speak. He asks questions, but Newton doesn't focus. He knows what will happen, what always fucking happens.

Next to him, Charlie buries his head into Mac's shoulder, and Newt has to look away. He knows the thoughts racing around in his head aren't his own and he can't make sense of any of them. Four different storms in his mind now, and he can't keep up. He can't hear himself think, not that he could much before.

Hermann is still talking, why won't he just shut the fuck up? Why doesn't everyone shut the fuck up? There is nothing to be saved. He almost feels bad for stealing Science Bitch's only good microscope, now that he has no good reason to use it. But if they're all doomed anyway, so what if a fucking microscope is lost.

"Maybe this is linked with the time travel, and we can find a way to-"

"Hermann."

"There has to be a way-"

"Shut the fuck up! There. Is. No. Way. How many times do we have to tell you this shit!" silence. Newt knows what he's thinking, what they're all thinking. He laughs, "There it is. It's already fucking started, so just- tell the Marshall to just give up. You've lost. We win. We fucking win."

Newton, or what's left of him, stands from his chair. He walks towards Hermann, but the man isn't scared. Neither of them are the men they were ten years ago, three years ago. He doesn't feel guilty when the other's nose drips, doesn't flinch when he sees the terrified look in Newt's eyes. When he knows he isn't himself, but he can't do anything about it.

He doesn't mourn the man Newton was before this all started. Newton did this to himself, and it's about time he started seeing it.

"I warned you. I told you never to drift with that god forsaken Kaiju and you did it anyway. Twice. Who knows how many more times after you left?" he ignores the eyes, the desperation, "You win. Congratulations. Have fun ruining another world."

"Doctor Gottlieb," Lightcap interrupts. She reminds what's left of Newt of his old teacher, back when he still lived in Berlin. Stern voice, piercing eyes, but she had no idea what she was doing. And then he grew up -barely- and he started teaching, and he knew her pain. It never really went away. Feeling under prepared, terrified of doing something wrong, despite having six PhDs and all the knowledge in the world.

His eyes tear. He doesn't feel his own hand raise to wipe them away, fingers digging into eyeballs. This is where it starts. The rest of his life will be another huge blur. Maybe if the Kaiju birth here it will finally be over, he won't have to deal with not having control over himself.

They're killing him and that's the point and it isn't just some warning this time, some broken promise. This is real. And he will die. And maybe he wants it to be a lie again, because dying is too real, and he takes back everything he screamed at Illia when he was seventeen and scared, because he doesn't want to lose this. He doesn't want it to end this soon.

You'll kill yourself.

Or I'll be a rockstar!

Some fucking rockstar he is. He never fucking listened. Hermann never tells lies, and he should have known.

But it's good. Because Hermann doesn't have to worry anymore. He can tune out the other ghost-drifts enough to know that the man is seething. Nothing new, same old angry Hermann. He would laugh if he could. Instead he feels himself smiling through the tears in his eyes. An evil, evil smile that leaves his cheeks aching.

"Thank you, Hermann. He's useful, you know? Well, of course you know," he doesn't want to think about what the hell that means.

"Sorry?"

"You're forgiven. You know how it is. This whole plan was to make him useful. Strong enough. To get rid of us, and make him work again. Good thing your plan is total shit."

Newt closes his eyes, about as much of his body as he can manage moving. He hears Hermann sigh, clearly keeping something in, and he turns towards Tendo.

"Mister Choi, please open the Breach. I can escort Newton back to maximum security."

"What? No, no, Herms, please. I'd rather fucking die than be put back there, please!" he breaks through, grips the man's arms and looks straight into his eyes.

"I'm sorry Newton. You said this yourself. It is better than fighting against the inevitable," he's distancing himself. Newton can tell when Hermann is trying to distance himself from things.

"Well fuck what I said! You say a lot of shit when aliens invade your goddamn brain. Hermann. Please."

"Then maybe you should have heeded my warnings the first time around."

"That's not fucking fair-"

"Nothing is fair when I have to watch you like this, Newt."

"Oh, poor you! Your feelings are hurt because you have to watch me lose control of my body! Imagine how it fucking feels, Herms."

"I am sorry this plan has not worked in your favour, Doctor Geizsler."