Thursday (Sequel to 'From Eden')

three

I knew I had been in rehab for four months by the time Chloe had revealed she was my pen pal, but God, explicitly, all I wanted to do was relapse after receiving that news. Who knew that she was all it took to put a fracture in my sobriety?

I had fallen asleep quickly the night before, exhausted from panicking and crying, and the whole duration of my slumber I had peaceful, normal dreams. It was only when I woke up that I remembered what had happened, and shit, did my stomach drop all the way to the floor.

I laid in bed for what seemed like hours, staring at the ceiling with racing thoughts, though my body was numb, before the first knock on my door came; I had missed breakfast, and I assumed my friends were coming to check on me, hoping I wasn't sick or something. And fuck, was I sick.

"Paige, you okay in there?" It was Carla's voice. I shuddered at the mere thought of the C name, willing her away in my head. "Are you sick?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. It seemed as if my throat was sealed shut, along with my guts, which were ripping apart just then. Face twisting in agony, all I was able to muster was, "Meh." I wasn't even sure she heard me.

"Should I get one of the staff?" Carla said, her voice raising with worry. She knocked again. "Paige?" When I did not answer to that either, I heard her steps fade away down the hallway, most likely to grab Gloria, or Jackson. Part of me felt bad for concerning them, but most of me did not care.

Sitting in my own thoughts for that five minutes she was gone felt like soaking in a pool of my own blood. I felt wasted, absolutely obliterated inside, and anxious to the core.

Gloria's soft voice floated through the room when she knocked. "Hey, Paige? It's Gloria. Are you okay for me to come in?" I nodded, but she obviously couldn't hear me. "I'm going to come in now." She unlocked my door steadily then walked in. I met her eyes with a tired look, and her eyebrows creased in concern at my state. She turned to the doorway and nodded, most likely reassuring my friends that I was here and alive. "What's wrong?"

My mouth opened, but only breath escaped; my vocal chords were dormant. Stiffly, I reached to the table beside my bed, picked up the crumpled letter between my fingers, and held my hand out for her to take it. Confusion and curiousity setting into her expression, she took the letter and opened it. The only change in her face I noticed as she read Chloe's words was the twitching of the corner of her mouth. When she finished, she sighed, and placed the letter back down on the table.

"Well, that's hard," Gloria spoke softly, seeming to finally understand my emotional state. "Would you like to talk about it, or should we later? You can be excused from therapy today, if you want. I can have your friends bring you your food, and you could all eat in here." The last statement got my attention, because usually residents were not allowed into each other's rooms for long periods of time alone. I guessed she had dealt with people in even worse conditions than myself, and would do anything so I wouldn't get worse.

I let out a sigh, and then mustered up enough energy to mumble, "Later. I just want to sleep."

"Don't hold it in for too long," She replied, backing away from my bed. "I'll come back after my next session around two, and see if you're up to talk. That's your slot anyway."

I turned my head to the clock to see it was eleven, and nestled back into the blankets when Gloria waved a goodbye. "Eat, Paige. Carla's leaving some food."

"What's up, Paige? Are you good?" Carla hissed under her breath as she placed the tray of breakfast on the table next to me. She unknowingly covered Chloe's letter with it. "I haven't seen you this fucked up since September."

I shook my head, and mumbled, "I'll tell you later." My friend nodded quietly in response and left the room. I felt kind of dramatic then, not being able to talk about something so small, but shit, the worst part was fighting off the urge to turn to substances. Not because I didn't want to turn to them for the sake of my own health, but because I literally couldn't.