Philophobia ❧ JEONGCHAN

8

Reflections-The Neighborhood

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Chris never expected Jeongin to show up at his door. Not at eight in the evening wearing shorts and a hoodie with a bag of ice cream. Nevertheless he let him in. He looked cute with his fluffy black hair straightened over his eyes. His hood kept him hidden and while Jeongin had tried to disguise it by looking away, Chris caught onto the pink hue lighting up his cheeks.

"Did your water pipes miraculously break or is there another excuse for your arrival after cussing me out a few days ago?"

Jeongin dropped the plastic bag on the counter with a sigh. Chris moved over and took a seat at one of the stools, his fingers pulling out a fudge bar. He peeled the cover apart as he watched Jeongin from the corner of his eye. "Who's Vivian?"

Chris paused his movement of bringing the ice cream to his mouth. He slowly pulled it back with a gentle sigh of his own. "Who told you?"

"Jisung."

"She's my ex-fiance."

Jeongin brushed his hood off of his head and turned to look at the elder. "Explain."

Chris handed his popsicle to Jeongin, telling him it was going to melt and that he should eat it. When it was safely in the youngers hand, Chris got up and moved further into the kitchen. He opened a drawer and took out a small photobook Vivian's parents had sent him through the mail. He plopped it down in front of Jeongin and then took his seat back.

"She was diagnosed with cancer at nineteen. We were supposed to get married at twenty-one but she passed away. I promised myself I wasn't going to love again."

Jeongin flipped through it slowly, eyes curiously examining each picture from fifteen to twenty. The pictures stopped there, nothing shown of the year she turned twenty-one. Chris' mind flooded with memories. They didn't hurt as much as they used to, weirdly enough. Her blonde hair didn't remind him of the sun and her blue eyes didn't appear in his mind when he saw the ocean.

"I thought you didn't want to know," Chris stated.

Jeongin pushed the book closed after reading over the funeral prayer that had been glued onto one of the last pages. "I was drunk and angry. And now I'm even angrier."

"Why's that?" Chris asked.

"Because I've put myself in a position that I don't want to be in. I don't want to be second best and I can't even be angry because she was someone you loved."

Those words stabbed Chris in the heart a little too deep. Second best? That pissed him off. "If you are going to compare yourself to a dead girl, go ahead and leave. I'm not doing the whole I wouldn't love you if she was still alive. She's gone and I do love you. If that's not enough for you I can't do anything about it."

Jeongin bit his lip for a single second, eyes holding the image of an internal debate. "How am I supposed to not compare? You loved her for six years."

"And I want to love you for the rest of the ones I have left," Chris added. He moved over to his couch and sat down. "Commitment isn't hard. I was dating a dead girl for six years, Jeongin. Me leaving you is the last thing you should be worried about."

"So you spent twelve years dedicated to her."

"Ten. Two of them were mixed in with your dumbass."

Jeongin traveled over to Chris and took the spot next to him. "Cussing me out isn't going to win me over," he mumbled.