Tears of the Twink

New Objective: Think Straight Thoughts

Link grouchily rode his giant white stallion across Hyrule. 

He hadn't even bothered to get the tower for this region since he may or may not have been purposefully ignoring anything related to the Zora kingdom. He needed no map though, as he'd been visiting Zora's Domain in his sleep for years now. 

On his way, he spotted a Zora laying on the ground in a small puddle of some dubious looking water and frowned. "Uh, s'cuse me, Zora. What... what are you doing, Buddy?"

"The...sludge..." the fish man choked, wheezing as he wiggled pathetically in the dark slime.

Link blinked, then stuck a hand in his bottomless hip pouch. "Good thing I have a lot of these." Throwing the splash fruit, the wriggling fish was freed. "You know, you could have moved literally two feet and been freed or better yet, not walked right into the obvious, black sludge of death on the side of the road in the first place, but whatever." 

"I'm saved! Oh, thank you Hero—"

"Yeah, yeah." He led the horse around him. "Is the rest of Zora's domain like this?"

"Oh, it is much worse." He got up and walked beside him as he talked. "Our king is in terrible condition."

"And the prince?"

"He is trying to slow the spread. He's very brave to be protecting the people—"

"Okay, but how is he doing? Is he gills-full of slime? Is he... sadder than usual?"

"Sadder than usual?"

He cleared his throat. "Since he got engaged."

"Oh, he is quite healthy, and he and Yona make such a handsome couple, don't they? I can just tell they adore one another, and oh, the wedding is happening soon, isn't it? What a sight that will be." He sighed. "What a wonderful outcome for our beloved prince. The royal couple will produce such fine heirs—" His words caught in his throat as ice spread over his entire body in a flash.

Link lowered his bow with an absolutely done look on his face, then set the horse into a trot, ignoring the guttural, wordless noises of complaint coming out of the frozen Zora's mouth.

"He'll be fine. Just put a campfire next to him," he growled as he rode past other people on the road who gave him a worried look. "'I can just tell they adore one another,'" he mimicked in a high-pitched voice. "Whatever. I just need to get in and out, save these fools, and call it a day before this damn wedding happens."

***

"I am Prince Sidon's... Oh, forgive me. I am your best friend's fiancée."

Gods, why did he have to run into the very last person he wanted to see in all of Zora's domain? Well, not quite the last person... Looking at Yona now, his stomach had a visceral reaction.

Not to be rude, but as far as fish went, she looked like Mizu and Shrek's lovechild. The unnatural green to the squashy flat face to the eyes that were way too far apart to the fact that her head was disproportionately huge compared to the rest of her body just seemed to add insult to injury. 

If she was hot, somehow this would have made things easier to swallow.

"Oh cool. Great. Congrats, I guess."

"He has spoken so fondly of you, Link. You are his dearest friend, you know."

"He... talks about me?" He tried to sound uninterested.

"He certainly does! Oh, why don't you go up and say hello? I'm sure he needs good news right now with all that is happening."

"Oh. Yeah. I should do that. Gotta go see that chummy bud of mine. My bro and bestie and all that. That o'l chap and mate. Yup."