Lauren's POV:
Waking up to a bare female body in my arms, a crease formed in my brow as my eyes fluttered open.
Instead of being greeted by the natural sunlight from my bedroom window, I was met with hardly any. Taking a glance down at a wad of disheveled black hair on my shoulder and soft skin on my chest, my eyes then widened.
Thoughts of last night instantly came rushing back like an unexpected ocean wave. And maybe I was supposed to panic, or feel bad, or regret it all, but I didn't. An indisputable grin crept onto my face, making me raise a hand to cover my smiling eyes.
The other still held Sade close to me as I began taking in my surroundings. Thankfully, I'd closed the shades over the large windows last night, and put away our food before we played games. Hearing the fair and pleasant sound of birds chirping, and seeing briefly behind the shades that the sun's arrival was still pending, I figured dawn had just barely broken.
Physically now, I actually shook my head, letting my eyes peer up at the ceiling above. At first it was in amazement of last night. But then overwhelming thoughts began swarming my brain.
I wondered, how in the hell did I get here??
The absolute love of my life was sleeping in my arms after an intimate night together for the first time in years. And yet here I was, engaged. Then to a man who was beating me. A man who degraded me every chance he got. He mentally and physically would kick me while I was down, then laugh with pride at his achievement.
I felt like an idiot, put simply.
I'd known since Micah first laid hands on me or even raised his voice threateningly at me, that I should have walked away. Instead, I stayed. Why?? For love? Because I was lonely? Because I had no one else? Or because I was simply too weak and stupid, and felt worthless enough to endure it.... Maybe all of the above?
Not to mention, I involved him with my music; something very near and dear to my heart. I gave him an authority over it, to get my foot in the door, and now I'm paying the price. He thinks he owns me, and my career. And who am I to say he doesn't? What rights do I have, really?
What I didn't want to do, or wasn't about to do though, was put my relationship with Sade in jeopardy over it. I had to let him go, risk of career or not. I wasn't about to lose her. Not again.
But that was also another thing.
I know we'd slept together now, but were we still Sade and Lauren? It's been seven years and people change. From what I've seen of her these past few weeks, Sade hasn't. If anything, I admire and am in awe of the person she's become beyond words. But I know that I have changed, and that's the problem. Would she still love this Lauren the way she loved eighteen year old Lauren? The me now has no idea who she is anymore. She's incredibly insecure and fragile on the inside. Her smile isn't as genuine anymore and she doesn't laugh as much. This me feels stupid, worthless, and pathetic more often than I'd like to admit lately. Would she leave me once seeing that? Would her love for me trickle away?
Just the thought of it made my chest tighten and my stomach turn. I didn't want Sade to think of me differently. I didn't want her to see this faltered version of me. And I didn't want her to walk away from me.
Without much knowledge of my own, hot tears streamed down the sides of my face, slipping past my ears then surely hitting the cushion, or my hair.
It was as if I couldn't stop the storm of contemplation within my head, and I couldn't escape it either. Like a wave again, it'd surfaced, and with force at that. So much force that you had no choice but to accept your fate of being momentarily drowned.
