Queen of Shattered Dreams

19 - Playing Queen

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To spite Mother, I take my meals in my room for two more days. How dare she think she can come into my castle and order me around like a servant? Let her suffer meals with Feodor and Dendrite. I've eaten in peace where I can plot my husband's demise.

He deserves something slow and painful. Over the course of our marriage, Feodor has chipped away at the person I am. He's been killing me slowly and Alfrid was the final wound to finish me off. I want his pain to exceed that of my broken heart.

Yet, I'm also ready to be rid of him.

I've gathered possible herbs I will need from Hassiba's stores. It's best if no one knows what I'm planning to do, so I haven't mentioned any of this to her. For one, she may try to talk me out of it. Of course she would try to talk me out of it, it's regicide.

I chuckle. I'm certainly not that same girl of sixteen. I would have never imagined I would plan the death of another human, much less the king. But here I am.

The dream dumplings hadn't failed. It was just that my dream and Alfrid's were two opposites tied tightly together, like two magnets warring with each other until one flips and they crash together. Only one of our dreams would come to fruition, and unfortunately our fear of one gave it more power. We should have run, even if we had been caught at least we would have tried instead of meeting the same fate regardless.

Tears prick at my eyes as I remember him keeping his distance from me at his home, telling me he would have gone with me anywhere. So why didn't we run then?

I lay out the small bags of star safflower, uliment, aza root and hostrirel alongside the mortar and pestle I've had hidden in my desk since yesterday.

I've been blaming myself for Alfrid's death—and while I play a part, there are others who have played bigger roles in his fate. Mostly, Feodor. It was his decision and his lack of mercy that has ripped Alfrid from this world. For that, I will make him pay.

I slide the bag of hostrirel back into my writing table. That will be for Lady Bryde. My hand hovers over the drawer before shutting it. Killing Feodor will leave many loose strings I'll need to tidy. But once he's gone, I'll need to secure my place as queen and without a male heir, I must ensure there's not another. But first—Feodor.

I take a bit of aza root and grind it first, then sprinkle in some star safflower. When they're combined, I mix in a spoonful of uliment to bind. I touch the powder with my fingertips, the tingling sensation returning. I close my eyes. "Weaken his marrow, disintegrate bone. Work slow enough, give time to atone. Release him from this world, only when his heart is broken, and the final words from your queen are spoken."

I pour the finished powder into one of the small, white envelopes Hassiba uses for Feodor's indigestion powder. These powders look exactly the same except for the curse I've put on them. Feodor shouldn't suspect a thing until it's too late.

Once the mortar and pestle are locked in my writing desk, I walk to the king's room.

He's not here but I know where to place the powder. An almost full one from Hassiba already rests in the spot. I change them out, pocketing the medicine and turn toward the door.

I jump back just before my hand touches the knob as the door swings open. Feodor's eyes widen in surprise.

"Well." He looks me up and down. "It seems your mother's influence has finally worked wonders."

"I-I was looking for you." I jump in front of his oncoming question with my explanation for being in his room.

He reaches a hand up to my face with a gentleness I've not experienced from him. He smiles at me. "I've missed you." He presses his lips lightly against mine. "But your timing is terrible. They'll be ringing the dinner gong soon and I've come for my powders."