The House of Life

Chapter 9

The human mind is a perplex labyrinth of emotions, memories and ideas. Our brains are constructed of two hemispheres, the Left hemisphere, responsible for logical and critical thinking. It is said that those who lead with their Left side of their brain, are more rational when it comes to decision making. Whereas the Right side of the brain, holds all our creative and impulsive thoughts, and those kind of individuals lead with their emotions. I feel like I don't fall into either of those categories. As much as I would like to lead a more rational way of living, my emotions tend to overcome me. Especially, with the deaths of my closest friends and the person whom I loved, all rational thinking seemed to have been thrown out the window. I try so hard to cling to the person who I was before, but I fear that I am stuck, much like a moth who just blossomed from it's cocoon, I cannot move forward until my wings are strong enough. 

How can I move on, if the memories of my friends still haunt me. 

I woke up the following morning to see Qasim sleeping beside me, while Ardeth was on the other side of the tent, sound asleep. I rubbed my eyes to wake me up as I got up to step outside for the cold air to hit my face. With dawn close approaching, I still had some sort of light to see our campfire dwindle into ashes. I sighed into the air as the events that transpired last night were replaying in my mind. This was not supposed to happen like this. This is not about you, this is about getting Isaac and the boys back home. I can't let my feelings get in the way. Remember who you're doing this for. From now on, I will not let my emotions get in the way. I will ensure their return, even if it kills me, because they are worth it.

I couldn't sleep after that, so I started packing all of our belongings. I didn't want to waste my time grieving about my friends. Much less waste daylight when we could be on the road. With most of our supplies on the wagon, Ardeth and Qasim finally woke up from their sleep and realized most of their belongings were already stored away. It didn't take much for them to get the hint, but they helped pack up the beddings and tent.

Once that was done, Ardeth helped me strap the wagon to my horse to make our departure. "Anna, can we talk about last night." I knew where this was going, but I didn't want to get the run around with it. If he wanted to talk about last night, I would make sure we got the story straight. "Are you asking if I'm alright?"

He nodded, I inhaled to prepare myself to restrain my emotions. "There's nothing to worry about. I just got emotional and I wished you didn't see me like that." Ardeth's facial expression did seem worrisome, but what I said was true. I wished I was strong enough to talk more about how I feel over their deaths, but when I do, it's too much for my mind to bear. Ardeth took hold of my shoulder as to show he still wants to comfort me, but he knew I needed my space. "You know I never meant to make you feel that way." I shook my head to respond as I continued, "I know you didn't. But if it's alright with you, can we refrain from asking about Isaac or the others. I think it's too soon for me to talk about them casually." 

I felt horrible telling Ardeth my boundaries on the subject, but I knew I was not strong enough to talk about them so soon. Ardeth took a deep breath and exhaled through his nose to reply, "If that's what you want, then that's ok with me." I go to hug Ardeth, in hopes that we can continue to learn more about each other and we can remain friends. Ardeth coughed as he said, "We should probably get going soon." I quickly released my hug as I returned to my work, "Right. Of course," I said. Just as we were about to go our separate ways, I quickly commented, "Ardeth, thank you." Ardeth gave me a small smile, showing that we are still friends. As we made our departure, from the city of Beni Suef, we rode in silence for the first hour. I will admit, it was awkward to ride in silence. I had hoped he would start up the conversation, but after my sudden reaction last night, I bet Ardeth does not want to start a conversation that will make me emotional. I wanted to make sure that things between us was still sustainable, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. "Can I ask you something, Ardeth?"