How Do I Love Thee

Seven

Steve pulled her up onto his lap, held her close, and rested his head against the hollow of her throat. "I knew you'd come."

"As soon as I could," she told him. "I've been going crazy."

"Don't cry." Steve brushed tears from her cheek. "Not for me."

"Then who else? Myself?" She nestled in his arms. "Talk to me. Tell me your doctors are doing something-anything to help you."

"I'm starting radiation treatments, which are supposed to shrink the tumor, but my type of tumor grows fast and is almost impossible to treat. Plus the MRI shows that the cancer's already spreading to other areas of my brain."

"How about chemotherapy?"

"It wouldn't help with my case."

His doctors robbed him of hope, and that made her angry. "What about the headaches?"

"I have a potent painkiller for when they get really bad."

"Tell me what to expect, Steve. Please. Tell me everything."

"They expect me to go blind."

She shuddered in his arms.

"After a while, I won't be able to stand up or keep my balance. I'll start forgetting things, like how to feed myself, how to breathe, eventually, I'll go into a coma and die. Which sounds better to me than being some kind of human vegetable..."

"Oh, Steve...it's all so cruel." Her voice caught. She couldn't imagine his muscular body wasted way and bedridden. She couldn't accept that his smile would no longer light his face.

"I'm glad they've been honest with me. I'm glad they didn't lie and give me false hope. That would have been worse for me. It's like a game plane in football," he said. "Once you know the plan, you can follow it, you know what to expect, what's coming next. I just have to keep my cool, follow the course."

"How long?"

He shrugged. "A few months, maybe more."

"So you're not going back to school?"

"What would be the point?" He shook his head. "No. I'll wait here. This is home. My family's here. And so are you."

"I-I'm sorry...so sorry..."

"I told them I didn't want to die in a hospital. Mom's contacted a hospice so that I can stay at home until the end." His voice was flat, matter-of-fact. "I've been to the radiologist, and he's taken me through the preliminaries. I start treatments tomorrow afternoon, five times a week for six weeks. The tumor will shrink, give me a reprieve."

"I'm glad you'll be close by. I couldn't stand it if this was happening to you and you were far away."

"My parents are taking it really hard-especially Dad. Bobby's mad too. Finally he and Dad are in agreement about something. They're both angry because the doctors can't do much to help me. Bobby wants to help by going on the Web and tracking down some miracle cure, and Dad's all for it. There is no miracle cure, Dana. And I don't know how to tell my kid brother that the only help I want is more time with his girlfriend."

She wept for both of them, for his plans and dreams never to be fulfilled, for herself because he was being taken away so completely. Together they sat in the fading warmth of the sunlight, watching shadows lengthen across the yard. A breeze broke a few fading leaves from the treetops, and they spiraled downward, hitting the patio like teardrops.