How Do I Love Thee

Five

*Halfway there! Five chapters left and the mini-series is complete*

Laura had not known any of those things about Ramon, but she was careful to hide her shock. "I told you we were friends, Dad. I know what I need to know about him."

"Then you must also know that he's not the kind of boy we want hanging around you. He's bad news, Laura. Stay away from him."

She held her tongue knowing it was useless to argue, but she didn't like the way he was ordering her around, as if she were some kind of baby who had to be told what to do. She was also so shaken by the information that she wanted time to sort out her emotions. "I think I owe him the curtesy of telling him to his face, don't you?"

"I'm not so sure—"

"Please. He's been nice to me. I can't just cut him off."

Her fathered weighed her request. "I guess that would be all right. Does he make it a habit of dropping by every day? I'll get the nurses to keep him out once you've talked to him."

"I can handle it, Dad. Please don't bring anybody else into it."

"All right. But I mean it, Laura. I don't want him coming round again. You've got enough to think about just getting well and coming home. And speaking of home, Dr. Simon thinks she'll release you either tomorrow or the next day. Isn't that good news?"

"Yes, Dad. It's good news," Laura said, her mind still reeling. Ramon had lied to her. Why?

By the time Ramon showed up that night Laura was sick with apprehension. She felt duped, betrayed. They'd had numerous conversations, flights of fancy really, where she'd told him her dreams and hopes about getting well via some miraculous new drug, going to art school, hiking the Appalachia Trail, and having her own pottery studio one day. And he'd told her how he wanted to be a doctor, opening a clinic in the city's poorest communities to take care of the children who had no other healthcare. She had believed in him. Without question. Now she wondered if he' only been feeding her a line. Why would her have kept this past such a secret?

She told him exactly what her father had said, never once taking he gaze off his face as she spoke. "Is it true?" she asked when she was finished. "Is all that true?"

His eyes had grown dark, and his mouth was set in a grim line. "All of it is true."

She felt as if he had slapped. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you lie to me?"

"I did not lie."

"But you didn't tell me the truth either. The only thing y over said to me was that it was impossible for us to see each other once I got out of the hospital."

"I was ashamed of my old life. I didn't want you to know. How was I to bring it up when I want so much to leave that old life behind me? When I'm trying so hard to forget who I once was and focus now on who I want to be? Would you have still been my friend, Laura? Would you have talked to me, shared your heart with me, if you had known about the other Ramon?"

She saw anguish etched in his face, and she felt sorry for him. And for herself. "I don't know," she answered truthfully. "But then I never had a chance, did I?"

He stood. "I will go. And I will not bother you again."

Her heart lurched. She didn't want him to go, but her feelings about him were in turmoil. "My parents don't want me to see you anymore. I'm afraid that if I don they'll make trouble for you. I don't want you to lose your job."

"I'm used to trouble. Its' followed me all my life." He crossed to the door, turned. "Did you like me, Laura? Even just a little? Please, be honest."

She nodded, not trusting her voice.

"I still care about you, you know. And I thank you with all my heart for the time we've spent together. Seeing you every day, talking to you, just being in the same room with you has been the best part of my day, you may find that hard to believe, but it is the truth. And that is what you want from me. Isn't it? The truth?"

Once he was gone, she returned to her bed, buried her face in a pillow, and wept.

"You're just going to let your parents tell you who you can see and who you can't? Bonnie had come for a visit on Saturday morning, and after hearing Laura's tearful story about Ramon, she'd fired off her question

"Don't you think I'm dying inside about this?"

"But why is it terrible for you to see him? I mean, you're stuck here in the hospital. What horrible thing is he going to do to you?"

"Ramon would never hurt me. Maybe he's done bad things in the past, but he's not a criminal now. He's trying really had to make something of himself. He works hard. He has plans for a future."

"Hey, you don't have to convince me. It's your parents you have to persuade."

The more Laura thought about it, the madder she got. What right did her parents have to pass judgment on Ramon without ever getting to know him? It wasn't fair. He'd treated Laura with great respect. He was kinder to her than any boy had ever been, nice, more respectful. "I don't know what to do," Laura confessed to her friend.

"If it were me, I'd at least tell him how you feel."

Going against her parents' wishes seemed foreign to Laura. She'd never lied to them, "I don't want Mom and Dad angry at me, but I don't want to lose Ramon either."

"Maybe people her at the hospital who know him can talk to your dad. You know—put in a good word. I mean, everybody deserves a second chance."

Bonnie was right. By allowing her dad to be judge and jury over Ramon, she had sided with her parents against him. She should have fought harder to keep her friendship with him. She liked him. She wanted to have him in her life. Who knew if such an opportunity would come her way again? Her diseased heart was directing her life already, why should she let her parents direct it also?

"I'm going home today, before he comes in."

"So see him after you get home."

Laura chewed her bottom lip. "Will you help me?"

"Sure." Bonnie's eyes lit up, as if she would relish the adventure.

"I guess I could get his address somehow, and his phone number."

"Ask that nurse Betsy. Tell her you want to write him a thank-you note."

Laura considered Bonnie's idea. "You have a devious mind." She grinned. "But I do like the way it thinks."

Dr. Simon came in while Laura's parents were packing her things up to return home. "It's good to see you up and around, Laura."

"I feel pretty good," she said

"Sit down," Dr. Simon said. "I want to talk to all of you."

Dread crept over Laura as she and her family settled into chairs and faced the doctor.

"What's up?" Laura's father asked.

"I have the results of your latest tests." The doctor opened a manila folder. "You've lost ground, Laura. I don't think you can afford another infection. You're heart's just too weak."

Her bluntness startled Laura.

Mrs. Carson took Laura's hand. "So what are you saying?

Dr. Simon gave the three of them a level but somber look. "I'm going to put you on the beeper."